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ACC Mascots Take Manhattan: A spec script

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Pittsburgh, Syracuse and Notre Dame (kind of) joined the ACC officially on Monday. To celebrate, festivities were held in New York, because nothing says ACC like Times Square and bus tours. But something went terribly wrong.



It's July in New York City. A summer day like any other. It's warm, but not too warm. Climate change and all that. Tourists flock to the city, intoxicated by the allure of the bright lights and the buzz of the crowded streets.

THOMAS is a native, a bit annoyed with the people invading his home, but it's part of living in New York. He is taking his niece, JENNIFER, on a Hudson River cruise. Why live here if you're not going to show it off a little bit? Might as well make your home in Topeka.

THOMAS: See that, that's the Statue of Liberty. Millions of people saw what you saw right now as they were coming into America for the very first time. It stands as a symbol of everything we've worked toward as a country and as humans.

Jennifer takes a bite of her ice cream cone.

THOMAS: It's amazing, really, how far we've come. The walls are coming down between us. We're making the world a better place. Someday, you'll do it too.

Jennifer hops onto a bench.

JENNIFER: What's that?

Thomas appears confused. Jennifer is pointing to something.


THOMAS: What in the living ...

JENNIFER: Uncle Tom look!

Thomas saunters up to the GIANT ORANGE. He sizes it up, much like The Rock sized up Vin Diesel in the hit film Fast and Furious.

THOMAS: Are you here to hurt us? What are you doing here?

The orange stares.

THOMAS: Do you speak English? Who are you? What are you doing in New York?

The orange disco dances briefly and points out to the sea.

The orange picks up a fishing pole.

Thomas grabs Jennifer's hand and the two run off the ship.


THOMAS: It's going to be OK, Jenny. Just sit down, don't go anywhere. I'm going to figure this out.

He approaches a group of people crowded around a portable radio.

V.O. (TV ANCHOR): New York City is in a panic today, as the five boroughs have been overrun with creatures. No one has been able to identify who they are or what their purpose is. It is believed they are alien lifeforms. Please exercise caution. Stay indoors. Do not approach the creatures. Repeat: do not approach the creatures.

JENNIFER: Help! Help! Somebody please!


Thomas sprints toward the screams.

THOMAS: What is going on? Why are you doing this?

Thomas picks up a bike helmet and hurls it at the enormous duck-looking thing.

It flees.

JENNIFER: What was that, Unk?

THOMAS: I don't know. I don't know. We have to get out of here.


A man in black leather is at the center of a group of citizens standing in the Great Hall at Grand Central. The crowd grows larger as the man's booming voice carries in the hall. He is a honcho, a real badass. He's got a belt of knives and a boombox. His name is FREDERICK.

FREDERICK: We must defend America. We must make these beasts realize this is our land. We will never let them even a footprint into our homes. This is the United States of America. We will persevere. We will drive them out.

The crowd gets excited. They're really feeling it. One man, ALLEN, speaks up over the noise.

ALLEN: But what if they're peaceful? Shouldn't we be making an effort to communicate with them?

FREDERICK: They know we are scared. They know we are on our heels. They will strike if we let them. We can't take that chance.


FREDERICK: Now's our chance. They're here!


The devil-looking thing has a message on his head that reads, "choo-choo." The giant bug sprints, putting individual fingers in the air. The mean ram strolls casually, imposing his will on passersby. The old man with a bowtie and a top hat says nothing. They all say nothing. They walk with purpose, although they stop at one point for a fake sword fight with traffic cones they find on the ground.

A man, HAN, carrying a bag notices the mass behind him. He sprints away and into the center of the station, meeting the mob just as they're finishing their meeting.

HAN: I've led them right to us. What do we do now?

The giant bug is doing jumping jacks.


FREDERICK: There's too many of them. Retreat. Meet us at the Empire State Building.

The crowd splinters. The group of creatures slowly does the Macarena.


The building, a destination for generations, is largely deserted. Despite the fear and rancor, the Empire State Building has a calm serenity, one that feels as if this building was meant to be empty all along.

A door opens.

Thomas and Jennifer walk through, out of breath. Thomas is covered in sweat. Jennifer runs to the edge to peer at the city below.

THOMAS: I think we lost them.

JENNIFER: Unk, I'm scared.

THOMAS: I know, honey. I'm scared too. This whole damn city is scared.


THOMAS: Oh no. How? Why? I can't --


The tiger and the weirdly shaped eagle play patty-cake.

The wolf, or I think it's a wolf ... yeah, definitely a wolf, is now wearing a dress and waving.

Jennifer screams.


Frederick is covered in bruises. He's bleeding in multiple places. His leather jacket is ripped. He is cradling a steak knife in an air conditioned car. He's sitting next to CARL, slumped over, staring at his shoes.

FREDERICK: It's over. They've won. Why won't they just tell us what they want? We can live together. We can make this a better world.


FREDERICK: Carl? Carl, are you with me?

Carl is not moving.

FREDERICK: Carl? You monsters! You've destroyed everything! You've torn our whole city apart. And for what? Oh God, no, not again. Christ no. Noooooooo.


Images courtesy of The ACC.