Bleeding Green Nation alerted us to the fact that the Philadelphia Eagles' security team was running "streaker drills" on Monday.
Look at them go! One-at-a-times, two-at-a-times, they've got all the angles covered! Certainly, no one is going to get on Eagles turf unless they're an approved player, member or employee of the team, a network employee, a stadium employee, a member of the grounds crew, part of the promotional team, a sponsor, a camera or audio person, a reporter, part of security, related to someone who knows someone, season ticket holder, corporate partner, stadium manager, cheerleader, mascot, or part of the halftime show. They run a tight ship around there.
It's actually a pretty rigorous training process to be fully prepared for a streaker. First, you have to look at a naked person, just to be sure you won't be caught unawares should you actually be confronted with a real, live streaker. Then you have to listen to Ray Stevens' "The Streak" like at LEAST two times. Then you have to complete a thick four-page workbook entitled "Try Not To Grab 'Em By the Genitals." If you pass the multiple-choice test on the back cover, congratulations! You're Streaker-Certified!
Way to go, everyone.