Welcome to Week 60 of THIS WEEK IN GIFs, everyone. We have a very special football-only episode for you today that features, among other things, featuring nudity, vomiting, and wildlife. Voting will remain open until Sunday at 11 p.m. Eastern. Enjoy!
To those of y'all who love dinking around with football numbers and are unaware of the Pro-Football-Reference Play Index, you must not be reading very closely, because I told you about it earlier in this dang sentence. In particular, the Touchdown Finder is really awesome. I used it to find every NFL rushing touchdown like this one: at least 78 yards, and in the first quarter.
According to the Play Index's results, Peterson's is the 10th such touchdown. What's weird, though, is that in every other case, the player finished the game with well over 100 rushing yards. In fact, those nine other guys averaged 209 rushing yards.
On Sunday, despite rushing for 78 yards on the first play of the game, Peterson finished with only 93 for the game. Throughout the rest of the game, he took the ball 17 times for only 15 yards. That's not even 0.9 yards per carry, which is absolutely terrible. Numbers aren't always all that friendly, but they are often really weird.
At some point, every ambitious content creator will come up with Really Cool Shit, and the challenge is to make sure it's used intelligently. It really is hard to put together something that looks really neat, and then keep yourself from trying to make it something it's not.
The 360-degree Matrix Cam has been around for a little while, and it still is very cool. It is not, however, a useful tool for breaking down a play. On the whole, I really do like NBC's Sunday Night Football broadcast a lot, but y'all probably need to throw this one back into the lake. If you really want to get some special effects going, borrow Fox's "glowing puck" technology to highlight either a) the coach most likely to get fired, or b) Mark Sanchez, because I want to make sure he's doing okay at all times.
I've played with the idea of adding a page to the GIF ORACLE specifically for athletes throwing up (at present, the closest we have is a page for athletes being gross in general). On one hand, I really have to question whether anyone would ever want to see that. On the other hand, there are just so many vomit GIFs, and it would certainly be an impressive spectacle.
God. It looks like a fountain drink, but not out of a machine that's cleaned regularly. I'm going with "RC Cola dumping out of a gas station off I-64 in Mount Sterling, Kentucky." The cups are all October Sky promotional cups.
I hold this perception of the Steelers as the NFL's most limping, old, broken-ass team. Every player on the roster, according to this perception, is 38 years old and shows up on the injury report every week with at least four injuries, three of which are nagging, and the fourth of which is, like, a lacerated femur.
Maybe this GIF defies all this, or maybe this is just Polamalu employing an "old man game" and using guile and cunning to send Jake Locker to the mat. This is Jake Locker's snap count, if you're interested:
I am a football player in the N.F.L.
I am going to snap the ball in eight seconds
Remember to run a slant route, Kenny Britt
I am going to snap the ball in five seconds
My social security number is 824 33 9182
I am going to snap the ball in two seconds
The password to my wi-fi network is "frodo_neo_matrix_lifehouse_2001_2001"
I am going to snap the ball in one second
I am, as I speak before you right now, snapping the ball
I just snapped the ball
Hey remember to snap the ball two seconds ago okay
We so rarely see bare butts on national television. The only two such examples I can think of right now are Tyson Jackson and Dennis Franz. Hope that's your thing!
Once again, the NCAA neglects player safety in favor of player touchdown.
FOX AT TEXAS TECH GAME
Somewhere in America, some guy was watching Texas Tech-TCU and said, "that sideline reporter's a real fox." Then he turned, and realized his words had turned the sideline reporter into an actual fox. Through some avenue of sorcery, Godlike powers had been bestowed upon this two-bit dullard, and his every whim was made real. Tonight, if you have a clear view of the moon, cast your eyes upward. Etched in its face you will see Calvin urinating on the words "Osoma Ben Ladin" [sic] in Comic Sans.
And if you're looking for more sports GIFs, be sure to check out: