Welcome once again to THIS WEEK IN GIFs, everyone. Voting will remain open until Sunday at 11 p.m. Eastern. Enjoy!
I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've ever named a GIF after a person who isn't even in the GIF. Let me ask you something, friend: have you ever seen the wind? Of course not. You only see the effects of the wind. And you see, this is how we experience the umpiring light of C.B. Bucknor.
You see neither His form nor face. But watch, on a cool Autumn evening, the limbs of pitcher César Jiménez as they bend to the Miami baserunner. Watch as the bare hand, but not the gloved hand, touches him. Watch his celebration at the "out" call. You do not see Him, do you? But you can see His work.
Now, we're gonna let y'all kids get back to your laser tag. But if you kids have any questions, Miss Suzanne is over there with some pretzels and lemon drink. We also got some free Gideon rulebooks to give out to all y'all. May C.B. bless y'all.
We've seen this before. For those of us familiar with sports GIFs, it was our first thought. I humbly submit that Mr. Stafford is inferior to MORTIFIED MICHIGAN PUNTER, in part because the PUNTER got here first, and in part because Stafford lacks the face of outright fright and terror. I mean, it looks like Macaulay Culkin dropped his ice cream: it's a temporary bummer, because like Mr. Stafford, he is rich enough to buy a thousand more.
(Via Turf Show Times, our Rams blog)
Mr. Bradford was stumped by the 49ers, and then his coaches sent him some info on the 49ers' defense to look through, and he was as stumped as an ageless forest after the white man came. In this GIF his soul is all flat, save for maybe one ill-shaven activist handcuffed to a Sherman oak. He's not even one of those cool activists who can climb the tree. Out of the way, lazybones.
EASTERN KENTUCKY SPECIAL TEAMS
This is legal! If one of your guys is behind the line of scrimmage, you can punt to him! In theory, you can also exploit legal loopholes to kill and/or embezzle via punt. Zero government oversight in that institution.
Oh, Philipworth, you sorry son of a gun. Granted, we're seeing him at the very end of a desperation circus play, but here his legend as a GIF sorrow machine grows ever stronger.
On the last play of the game, officials really need to start replacing their flags and whistles with pies and clown horns.
JORDAN HALL / JIM KROGSTAD
It's also legal, I guess, to use an official as an unwiling blocker. I can recognize why others would find this amusing, and I would myself, but I just ... a gray-haired man suffering misfortune and possible injury. I can't enjoy this. I can watch a twentysomething fall on his ass all day long, but I am incompatible with this life experience.
So I'm going to end with this guy as a palate cleanser. Toledo wideout Alonzo Russell's defender is ripping him to the ground, the ball is flying like a bullet, and it just does not matter. It's the best catch I've seen all year, and it reminds me of Aaron Dobson's touchdown catch last year (which is probably even better).
Some extraordinary catches are going to happen before a background of endless rows of end-zone seating and flashbulbs and cheering. That Dobson catch happened in front of a couple guys and some shrubbery, and this one happens in front of some folks with cameras, a plastic wall, and some signage with three-letter acronyms most of us won't recognize. College football is a playground, and sometimes the fun happens in the corner, where pocket-sized bottles of Jack lie until buried by the overgrown grass and leisure-walking couples take their terriers to shit.