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13 Super Bowl 49 prop bets we'd like to see

Wow, these Super Bowl prop bets are crazy! They are also not real.

Robert Deutsch-USA TODAY Sports

Some people argue that prop bets are the best way to enjoy the Super Bowl, a game that unfortunately has a tough time living up to the outrageous hype surrounding it. Unfortunately, there are only so many prop bets on the books. Some of them are fun -- like whether Bill Belichick will wear cut-off hoodie sleeves -- but a lot are just rehashed from years past -- like the run time of the national anthem, the color of the victory Gatorade, etc.

For the true connoisseur, give these wagers a try at your Super Bowl party.

Yeah, I'm timing the national anthem. I got it. I think I started it a little late, though, so maybe add like three or five -- oh wait, no the clock's not going -- 2/1

Whoops.

Gronk shows his full moon -- 30/1

Rob Gronkowski has come close to showing his bare posterior several times this season. Something about the type of player he is -- namely, the strong and fast kind -- makes him liable to drag defensive backs by his waist. As a result, we've seen a lot of Gronckcrack, but no full GronkBUTT yet this season. The Packers couldn't hold on tight enough and the Ravens never got a good grip. The Legion of Boom is strong and technically proficient enough to give Gronk a good de-pantsing, however. We all just have to hope opportunity presents itself.

Tom Brady chums it up with a Josh McDaniels, chews him out two minutes later -- 10/1

Tom Brady may be the most mercurial personality playing quarterback in the NFL, something that's hard to tell just by watching him play. Off the field he is prone to all sorts of weirdness. In the last couple months, he hasn't been able to stop swearing in front of media. Either he's getting crazier, or he just cares less. Or, more likely, it's a combination.

As an accomplished 37-year-old NFL quarterback, Brady doesn't have much incentive to keep his freak flag furled. The result is a lot of cussing, a lot of being weird about high-fives, and occasionally Tim and Eric-y Facebook posts.

Brady's relationship with offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels is just as schizophrenic. McDaniels has been in New England long enough that you would think there is some mutual respect between the two. McDaniels had to squash rumors that tensions were rising with his quarterback, however, and Brady has been known to yell indiscriminately at things.

The Super Bowl should be Brady at his most unhinged. He is totally going to flip.

You secretly wish you were friends with Pete Carroll -- 2/1

He seems really cool. Probably thinks of a lot of cool shit to do.

You openly wish you were friends with Pete Carroll -- 3/1

Heh. That'd be pretty sweet right? And I bet he'd be a really good friend, too. Lots of good advice and stuff.

You openly wish your father was Pete Carroll -- 40/1

Look, I'm only kidding. But I mean, he would be really motivational, and probably really encouraging. Heh.

You openly wish your father was Bill Belichick -- 4000/1

You want a snack for the game? Here's some spearmint gum.

Russell Wilson can't make a play because he is too short -- 40/1

Tied into the odds is whether you would actually collect and forever be labeled a height-ist.

I thought the halftime show was pretty good! -- 2/1

I don't think I'm going to run out and buy a Katy Perry album, but I thought that was entertaining for what it was. The crowd sure seemed to enjoy it. She is a very talented performer, I must say.

But, man, I don't think anyone can top the Rolling Stones last year.

Marshawn Lynch moves you to tears in his postgame interview -- 50/1

The Seahawks have just won the Super Bowl. Marshawn Lynch is walking up to the press conference microphone, shaky, head down and eyes blinking. He sits and takes the first question.

"Marshawn, what does this mean to you?"

Lynch pauses. He wants to do this right. He lifts his head up to make eye contact with the speaker, but he can only lock in a glance before putting his head down again. You can do this Marshawn. He exhales.

"I'm thankful."

Tears come. They stream out of his control. Lynch is overtaken by the moment, and it's all the strength he has to get up, give a half wave to the assembled media and spot what he thinks is the Seahawks PR rep to help guide him out of the room.

The NFL fines Lynch $10,000.

Bill Belichick wants to know what it's like to be pretty -- 2/1

Fear can turn to love
You'll learn to see, to find the man behind the hoodie
This repulsive carcass
Who seems a beast but secretly dreams of beauty,
Secretly, secretly ...

Biggest thing to score touchdown:

  • Nate Solder -1100
  • Vince Wilfork -1700
  • Richard Sherman on Kam Chancellor's shoulders -30000

Solder is perhaps the favorite here after scoring last week on that same dang unbalanced line formation that coaches somehow haven't figured out by now. Pete Carroll has spent too much time in the college ranks to be fooled, however.

Wilfork could score a rumblin', bumblin' touchdown on a fumble or interception return, but I like the idea of the Seahawks sticking their savviest player on top of their deadliest and letting the two wreak havoc in the defensive backfield. At 9'8, 426 pounds, Kamchard Shancellman will be incredibly difficult to throw over, which means lots of interceptions leading to a lot of people not wanting to get in the way of a speeding Voltron deathbacker.

Biggest bunch of classless cheaters

  • Seahawks +200

I swear I'm not going to watch another NFL game until this game gets cleaned up. Just awful.