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MMBM: The NFL could learn a lot from the American Pharoah debacle

The PC Police strike again, folks.

Mark Zerof-USA TODAY Sports

We're required to remind you that these strong takes are SATIRE. Sorry, not sorry. All spelling errors are intentional, we think. -- The editor.

Wellcome to the Monday Morning BM, just a word of warning your probably not prepared to handle the strong football takes and barrelfire NFL truths that you never knew your Mondays were missing. This column is written for and by a REAL fan of the NFL. Its designed to be read on your Monday Morning commode break after a long Sunday eating bad-for-you food and drinking beers. If you care more about SPELLING then you do about TELLING theres the door because this columns not for you.

NFL Road Grader of the Week- a award specifically designed for the best football player of the week in the NFL: American Pharoah

Not a great weekend for horses as the Colts, Broncos suffred huge losses and American Pharoah was robbed of Sports Illustrateds Sportsperson of the Year award, a award given anually to the best person in sports, just because it is not a person. Lastest example of the "gotcha" journlism that we've come to expect out of the mainstream media.

Its another example of our PC nation run amuck. So sad that I guess these days its offensive to give a award to anything with "American" in its name anymore these days I guess. Sad but true. Are we afraid it would be a microagresson against humans to award it to a different species? Where were all these language-parsing experts when we gave Obama a peace prize, or gave a 45 year old Roger Clemens a Cy Young award?

Trigger warning -- but Football could learn a thing or two from horeseracing and how they deal with injurys. Theres no "second opinion" or "IR" list, if you cant perform they give you a painkilling shot alright but it comes out of a .12 guage instead of a needle. And because they have a zero-tolerance polcy for being hurt, you never see a horse fake a injury. To do so would be extremely short-sighted on the horses part. Cant imagine Von Miller would of gone down grabbing his leg in order to give the Broncos time to challenge if he knew it would of resulted in John Elway covering him up with a tarp and calling the traner over. But I guess as a society were more interested in coddling our athletes instead of shooting them at the first sign of weakness. Just sad to see whats become of our once great nation.

By ignoring the popular vote, SI is choosing to alienate the massive horse enthusiast demographic and throwing away potentally millions of advertising dollars by failing to satisfy our nations enormous appetite for horse news, pictures, infographics, analysis, and recipes. Shame on them.

Fan of the Week: Willco

Wilco is actualy a perfect description of Flacco and Wilson because I would never pay $50 to see them play even though"experts" keep trying to convince us that there elite.Matter fact he isnt so much rocking this jersey as hes just nodding his head and apprecating good songwriting it.

(via Chicago)

How are the Patriots Cheating Now?

Well for one they exhibited terrble sportsmanship by continuing to run the ball into the gigantic gap left by JJ Watt on every play when he charges 8 yds straight ahead into the backfield. Theres a gentlemans agreement in the NFL that since JJ is taking himself out of the play you shoudnt exploit it. Its like you cant cheat on your boyfriend or girlfriend just because shes out of town and shes pretty much begging you to. But the Patriots arent the kind of team to overlook a sinister opportunity, so in the first half Belichick kept pounding that hole like it was on a third date with Rob Gronkowski. Shameful.

The only silver lining is that the DeflateGate appeal continues to progress through the legal system and there is actualy a decent cahnce that the next major court hearings could take place either during the week before, or during Superbowl week which I could see either being a huge distracton for the Patriots, or maybe a huge advantage for the Patriots because it would be a huge distracton for there opponents as well. Classic Belicheck.

10 Things I Know I Know

1. Jeff Fisher is the ultmate example of someone ingraining themselves so far into his company that he never gets fired just because there bosses have a hard time picturing the organization without them. Here's a good tip for you all entering the workforce: make yourself head of some bullshit committeee. Like, organize bowling nights that only 4 people ever show up to, but you send out a 5 paragraph email every week anouncing it and then another one recapping it.Volunteer to buy cookies to leave on peoples desks for their birthdays even though you dont realy care. You will be able to be 50% worse at your job, spend more time not working,and stick around 3x longer then a more valuable employee that only does work-related things.

2. Officating in the NFL has been the worst its ever been and I'm 100% sure I know why: Referees are more concern about their arms then their eyes. Ed Hoculi use to be famous for being "the referee with the muscles" but then HD TV came along and the other officals decided they were sick of Eddie Guns getting all the attenton.Now youve got Gene Steroidtor and Clete Blakeman being distracted and doing supersets of preacher curls when they should be phsycialy subduing rogue ballboys trying to sneak off with bags of pigskins to deflate. Also why you see a uptick in safetys and TDs this year because refs get to put there arms in a overhead flexing position to show off for the crowd. Now that any officating crew could be given a primetime game with just a weeks notice, theres no 4 pm AFC west games for them to hide in, and they literally want to be ready to look good in the event their game gets flexed.

3. Just a reminder that Danny Woohead is still leading the league in YAC. Matter fact he still has more YAC then he has total Yards receving.

Alot of folks are going to point to his drop in the last seconds of yetserdays game and say that he should of caught it but they'd be wrong for two reasons.

a. That dropped moved the Chargers up to 2nd in the draft order. Dannys allways thinking team first.

b. It would of thrown off this great statistic and given him more total receving yards then YAC. Getting all those YBCs is just taking the easy way out- if your running without someone trying to tackle you, you might as well be playing soccer and those yards shouldnt even count. Mike Wallace and Desean jackson can have there little competition to see who can rack up the most total distance running away from their teamates, but Woodhead does it the right way.

4. If Im coaching a offense thats about to take on JJ Watt, I tell my RB to sing the star spangle banner on every carry, and make JJ choose between patriotism or indivudual stats- theres just no way JJ could bring himself to tackle someone singing the national anthem, hed stand and salute and take himself out of the play. By the way, Anyone else find it intresting that Jadeveon Clowney had his only good game during a primetime TV spot? This guys made less noise then Hellen Keller at a library in outer space until the national cameras were on him. This is why Id never draft a defensive lineman who wore a single-digit number in college- shows he's not taking his preparton seriously and isnt ready to compete at the next level.

5. Lot of thumb talk this weekend as Andy Dalton pulls a reverse-Andy Dalton and wont be able to help his team until the playoffs start. Initial diagnosis after looking at the X-ray is that he has a broken thumb but Im not so sure.Wonder if the doctors took into account the fact that its impossble to take a good picture of a thumb. Go ahead try it.  You might very well have a perfectley normal thumb but then send it to a friend and 100% of the time theyll be like "whats up with your thumb?" So in other words, his thumb might be totaly fine but the Doctors are just being overly critical.

5b. Was suprised to hear this stat about the Bengals initially- theyve got AJ Green, AJ McCarren and AJ Hawk all on the roster.

6. Its been two full months since a NFL player got arrested and you have to think thee planning something big folks. Its like when a sleeper cell goes quite right before a big attack, I sense a league-wide version of The Purge coming along shortly to tie in with the holidays.

7. Chip Kelly reported called Lesean McCoy to bury the hatchet earlier this week, and Lesean reportedly pulled a reverse crank call and hung up on him. But then Chip denied that the call ever took place in his post-game press conference. Given there history I tend to buy the fact that Chip would refuse to call McCoys number especally if the call took place inside the 5 yard line.

Plus, this is why we need to be aloud to bring weapons into stadiums- not for protecton against terrorists but for protection against players:

8. Philip Rivers with literally the gutsiest performence of the week by far. Reports were that it was coming "out of both ends" before kickoff which sounds more like how Bills fans pregame then a actual NFL QB. Quick note on the importence of getting a flu shot here:  You can think of a vaccine allmost like scout team- you get a little bit of the virus injected into your system so your immune system can gameplan for the real thing. Vaccinnes give your white blood cells a look, and Rivers failure to prepare cost his team the game.

9. Bring back hazing. the reason theres so much mediocrity in the NFL is because nobody hazes each other anymore. Teams were better when players use to put icy hot in each others jock straps and make them crabwalk through a field of bull mettle. If your not able to get abused by your teamates and best friends how are you suppose to react when a opponet does it.

10. Danny Kannel of ESPN got it right whe he said there was a war on football by the libs. Its classic strategy to divide and conquer making real Americans simultanously fight a war on football and Christmas, and its up to us to answer the call and defeat them. Next time someone tells you that we shouuld quit football because there are to many concussions feel free to point them back to this infographic:

11. Johnny Manzell couldnt even make it til kickoff to start breaking the law. The young man trotted over to the stands to give out autographs instead of working on a signature win, and one fan asked him to sign a $100 bill. I like to have fun just as much as the next guy but defacing public currency is litarely a felony. Its funny because that was probly only the second most illegal thing Johnnys done with a hundred dollar bill that day, but its nice to see him flattening it out for a change. Maybe Johnny should worry more about whether or not Benjamin is marked up on the field not the sideslines.

Irregardless I reported his actions to the United States Secret Service just to be safe.

Extremeley immature on his part. Time to grow up Johnny.

69 of the week: Lots of hilarious 69s this week, folks

Easily the absolute dumbest jersey I've ever seen. Who thinks this is funny/a good idea? #Giants

A photo posted by Jordan Raanan (@jraanan) on

And finally we have Gronk

How much money should Cam Newton have made this week?

First of all, raise your hand if your suprised that Newton celebrated so much after clinching a bye. I havent seen a guy this excited to skip a day at his job since Obamas inauguration.

I cant imagine Tom Brady being so happy to not have to play a game of football, or American Pharoah dabbing in his stable because a race got cancelled. These guys are suppose to want to go out there and compete every weekend and the fact that Newton worked so hard just to get a day off work shows you that his work ethic  still has a long way to go before hes considered to be one of the greats.

Cam could of learned a thing or two from watching the Army-Navy game on Saturday when the players showed us all the true meaning of class, instead of what the Panthers did by making a big producton out of it and celebrating boistrously with there fans.

This weeks rating: Less then our troops

This weeks reason we need to keep talking about the Cowboys even though they're bad, have always been bad, and will continue to be bad

The Cowboys lost in Green Bay again, as is traditon. But they kept themselves in the news cycle on account of there are rumors swirling that DeMarco Murray wants to get back into Big D after a year of frustration with the Eagles, and you have to imagine Jerry Jones is willing to take that call given its only a matter of time untill Darren McFaddens hamstring curls up into a ball and punts itself into the Cowboys jumbotron.

But Murrays frustraton with how the Eagles are using him are completely unfounded folks. The fact that DeMarco wants out of town just goes to show that he is actualy a perfect fit in Chip Kellys system predicated on trading away all of there most talented players.

Reader MailPail: Our Nations Fathers weigh in

Im thinking about making a segment in the MMBM just for your Dads and Moms football opinons. They have old-man strength on there takes and they deserve a place to be heard. In the future if your parent's send you some good sports talk please send them over to me so I can give them a voice. Here are a couple good examples:

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SB Nation presents: The best and worst of Week 14, from Doug Baldwin to Dez Bryant