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The Rays gave away a half-Evan Longoria half-duck hybrid abomination

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♫ Rubber ducky, you're the one ♫ You morphed into a Tampa Bay Ray and gave me horrendous nightmares please get out of my tub GET OUT EVIL DUCKMAN STOP TERRORIZING MY BATHS ♫

Today in random baseball giveaways: an Evan Longoria rubber duck!

A photo posted by Bryan Hoch (@bryanhoch) on

If the Rays made a duck that looks kinda like Evan Longoria or an Evan Longoria that looks kinda like a duck, they would've been okay here. Instead, it's Evan Longoria with a duck body and a mouth and nose combined into a strange mini-bill. This is not good. This is not good at all. (The reasoning appears to be that Longoria owns a Tampa bar called "Ducky's.")