SB Nation

Rodger Sherman | May 19, 2015

The young Randy Velarde, and 289 other sports references by Action Bronson

The randomness and precision of rapper Action Bronson’s sports shoutouts are unrivaled. He won’t just seamlessly drop a reference to Arvydas Sabonis in the middle of a bar — he’ll do so while accurately noting Sabonis’ reputation as a nifty passer.

He’ll name songs after athletes like Chuck Person and Larry Csonka, just because he feels like it. He’ll come up with multi-syllabic rhymes for sports figures like Boomer Esiason (niacin) or bodybuilder Gerrit Badenhorst (banana Porsche). He’ll string four references to four Chicago athletes in three different sports in two bars. He’ll call himself THE YOUNG RANDY VELARDE for no discernable reason.

We went ahead and compiled every sports reference in Action’s lyrics, from the details of his shoe collection to the time he lost money because of Prince Fielder’s poor fielding. There are several hundred. We hope you enjoy and appreciate every single one.

(We couldn’t have done this without Rap Genius and their searchable lyric database.)

Basketball

Let’s put it this way: Action has a song called "Chuck Person" wherein he does not even explicitly reference former NBA player Chuck Person. He just wanted to name a song "Chuck Person."

Doesn’t get much more random than just saying "Clarence Weatherspoon" in the middle of a bar:

You gotta pay for my appearance, it will never be on clearance / Clarence Weatherspoon, my boo could boof like ten balloons — from "Long Pinky" by Beautiful Lou

We could’ve filed this one under "golf" for the Greg Norman reference, but he CLAIMS TO RIDE AROUND TOWN WITH ROBERT HORRY which is very important:

Smoke the shark, Greg Norman shit, me and Robert Horry in a foreign whip — from "Midget Cough"

I have listened to this line a few dozen times and I have no idea:

What if Allen Iverson was Chinese riding on a Harley — from "With My Soul" by The Alchemist and Budgie

I truly do not know how the world would be different if Allen Iverson was Chinese riding on a Harley. Iverson is also the subject of "Practice," which features a long snippet of AI’s famous rant.

On "No Time," Action makes one reference to different aspects of Dikembe Mutombo’s finger in each verse:

On a California king where the thug lay (that’s word to me man)
The joint longer than Mutombo finger,

You catch me higher than a Shaq knee
See me swerving side to side like Mutombo finger

He raps again about Dikembe on "Watersports." In the intro, he says "Shit yo, it’s like I’m always dunking on Dikembe Mutombo" and in the verse, he goes

Hoop it up, I put myself against your best three / Dunk on Dikembe / if not for minor setbacks I would’ve been paid — from "Watersports"

Rip Hamilton’s mask was kinda murder-y, and the Detroit suburbs might be a good place to hide bodies:

Pull it, leave his body where the Pistons play / Rock a mask like Richard Hamilton and hit the J — from "Traction" by Boldy James

Pretty much any NBA player who was good at shooting can get in the mix when Bronson begins talking about guns.

Probably calamari, my young shooter I call him Gallinari / Still serve the Knicks, nibbles of parmigiani — from "Mr. Songwriter"

You fucking with a hornet’s nest / Old shooters in the corner like Hornacek — from "Meteor Shower" by Ghostface Killah

I’m the doobie scholar / Old foreign white shooters, Tom Gugliotta — from "Auntie Maria’s Crib" by Nitty Scott

True lies, diamonds at the porter / Shoot like Terry Porter, pimpin’ with your Asian daughter — from "Gateway to Wizardry"

The motherfucker making a drug look like Urkel / Forward shooters like Türkoğlu — from "The One" by Prodigy and The Alchemist

Shootin’ like a Piston, aim for proper distance — from "Randy the Musical"

Although sometimes Action is actually talking about shooting basketballs. Specifically, his belief that if you bet him large sums of money, he will hit a jumper from anywhere on the court:

Olives pressed, greenish on the glimmer / Get me on the court, shoot from anywhere like Jimmer — from "5x8" by Maffew Ragazino

I’m never rocking jewelry / But I’ll step on the court and pop a 3 for a stack / Just call me Tracy Murray — from "German Engineering" by Shaz Ilyork

A thousand dollars on the jump shot / Rocking some dress shoes / No shirt on ‘em like Bird from the corner — from "Take My Turn" by Termanology

The beard gumbo / Three pointers in the park for a clean hundo — from "The Stick Up"

He’s talking about ‘94 Knicks Greg Anthony and Derek Harper here in this "shooters" metaphor:

Pair of shooters Anthony and Harper / Caciocavalli dog I’m sharper than the archer — from "103 and Roosy"

He loved the 90’s Knicks, especially that ‘94 team that made the NBA Finals. They pop up everywhere.

But me no worry got a strong team / Just like my Knick’s ‘94 team, we winnin’ though — from "Time for Some"

The Derek Harper with the low Caesar, flow fever / More than likely digging in your ho’s beaver — from "Cocoa Butter"

Cause everyone getting paid see me with the freshest fade / Charles Oakley gecko belts and durangos — from "103 and Roosy"

But that don’t work because I’m smarter / And plus you see the jacket, New York Knickerbocker Starter — from "Jordan vs. Bird" by Maffew Ragazino

Same night Chris Childs punched Kobe / It was a Sunday, I had the Hyundai — from "Knicks (Remix)" By Freddie Gibbs

2 piece like Chris Childs did to Kobe / Catch me in the corner store, quarters for Shinobi — from "Aunt Maria’s Crib (Neapolitan Remix)" by Nitty Scott

It’s either that, Nasty Nate, Knickerbocker jersey — from "Typhoon Rap" by Mayhem Lauren

Slide, Clyde Frazier with the paper, 260 — from "Swiss Alps" by Mayhem Lauren

Order breasts of veal at Walt Frazier’s / Dog, my women come in all flavors — from "Practice" by Action Bronson

Jump out I’m just hallucinating, acid and a Knicks hat / Burner in her dress pants — from the XXL Freshman freestyle

Lungs are filled with earth, play the Garden like the Knicks — from "Never A Dull Moment" by Statik Selektah

You can find us in the garden like Spike on any night / Encrusted in some ice that look bluish in the light — from "Randy the Musical"

He also more than likely has a hat signed by Anthony Mason. RIP, Mase.

Snapback, Knicks starter hat, ninety four / Signed by Mason, Queens domination — from "Blackbird"

Twisted off the flower, blooming in the basement / Knick hat from ‘95, the signature from Mason — from "Mystic Moves" by Shaz Ilyork

Every rapper mentions Michael Jordan a million times, except Action, who does, however, make several references to Jordan’s teammates:

Dip and hide, I treat this shit with pride / I see the whole entire floor got the Pippen eyes — from "From The Ground Up" by Crown Order

Right seat sittin’, left hand shiftin’ / You know that every team needs a Paxson and a Pippen — from "Compliments of the Chef"

More Action Hoops:

Just a white man excelling in a Black sport, like I’m Pistol Pete — from "Contemporary Man"

I’m known to chief that green, Robert Parish — from "Simple Man"

The ‘89 station wagon, Mercury Sable / Forest Green, forest park, Horace Grant — from "Man & The Mirror"

Yeah, pump Reebok, game like Vlade Divac / TonI Kukoc, I’m ‘bout to cop a few boats — from "Fiends Jean Jacket"

African mud, exfoliate the skin / Like Shammgod the way I stay around the rim — from "Sincerely Antique" by Roc Marciano

Knees like Olden Polynice / My shorty Polynesian don’t make no apologies — from "Double Breasted"

Dog, I lay with hoes, I smoke butter the same color as Jalen Rose — from "Practice"

Never sketchy with my picture / Giving Gills, call me Kendall — from "Jordan vs. Bird" by Maffew Ragazino

Sweatpants, one leg up, St. John’s jersey / Artest, I’m an ar-tiste — from "It’s a Beautiful Thing" by Roosh Williams

You got the urge to suck the cock of Serge Ibaka / Pictures of naked rappers hangin’ in your locker — from "Baby Blue"

The flows water, like rafting on the Congo / Take a hit of drugs and I’m passing like I’m Rondo — from "White Silk"

Your boy is ill with the phonics / Since Gary Payton had the pill for the Sonics — from "The Symbol"

The rap Dennis the Menace with Dennis Rodman’s advantage, inventive — from "Rolling Thunder"

You fuckin’ with some scholars / Old Impalas jumpin’ like Rasheed Wallace — from "Choices" by Asher Roth

Play me feed back / Before I shoot you, shorty take the charge, Steve Nash — from "Money is Reality" by 1982

I got the doobie rolled, hash brown like a booty hole / Watching Oklahoma City at the studio — from "Brown Bag Wrap"

Young boys that be handling the rock / Chris Paul dish off, hammer in the sock — from "Meteor Showers" by Ghostface Killah

Accurate palm strikes, on like disposition, John Stockton / I’m scoring and I’m also dishin — from "Bronson Mania"

Young kids walking around, got the Desi in hand / Going "Boom Shakalaka!" like it’s NBA Jam — from "Shiraz"

Dunk on Tim Duncan, 360° on ya bitch’s face — from "The Spark" by Statik Selektah

Just as stinky Nick Van Exel with the handle, Helsinki — from "Twin Peugeots"

Behind the back pass Arvydas Sabonis / Rare intelligence you know I’m smoking weed in diplomas — from "Mike Vick"

A lot of Shaq references:

Don’t fake the funk on a nasty dunk, Shaq I attack — from "Barry Horowitz"

For real though, I’m trying to get Shaquille dough / Huh, I’m just trying to get Shaquille dough — from "Heel Toe"

5’8", the city on my back / I’m jumpin’ out the gym and dunkin’ it on Shaq — from "Traction" by Boldy James

Even fictional ballers get their due, as he has a few "White Men Can’t Jump" shoutouts:

I play ball like Billy Hoyle / Now I need a Sidney Dean to help me start this brothel in the Philippines — from "Rolling Thunder"

Look in my eyes you know I’m royal / Hustle up some money like Sidney and Billy Hoyle / Puerto Rican shorty, features like she’s Rosie — from "White Silk"

He also references a scene from "White Men Can’t Jump:"

Come through to the courts, a hundred down from any spot / Dribble shoot, the penny drop just like a Henny shot / You look astonished, face twisted like a Twizzler / My people laughin cause they know we goin sizzler — from "Bronson Mania"

And real-basketball-players-playing-fictional-basketball-players:

Shave the points off the game call it Blue chips / This ain’t Shaq an penny action squeeze the Mac elevy — from "Amuse Bouche"

Action references the WNBA three times, and all three are calling WNBA players dykes and bragging about hanging out with them in exotic locations:

I’m eating oysters off of diamonds in Hawaii with 3 dykes that play ball for the Liberty — from a freestyle on the Tim Westwood Show

catch me out in North Miami with two dykes that play ball for the Sparks — from "Perfect Picture" by Chinx Drugs (RIP Chinx)

She chill with dykes from the state right where the Mystic play — from "Hot Shots Part Deux"

He also claims to have a girl who played basketball at the same high school as former WNBA star Chamique Holdsclaw:

And my girl a shooter like Chamique Holdsclaw / with coke in the door / she used to play ball for Christ the King — from XXL Freshman Cypher Part 1

Chamique is from Queens, which explains why Action knows her high school. Christ the King won the state title all four years Holdsclaw played for them.

He also references women’s college hoops and it doesn’t go much better:

I rep the East Coast, I got a team of hoes like Pat Summit / I look like Arnold Schwarzenegger in a black hummer — from "NaNa" by Chance the Rapper

Gambling

Action Bronson claims to have fixed three separate college games:

Outstandin’ / I fixed the game between Georgia Southern and Gramblin’ — from "1Train" by A$AP Rocky

Georgia Southern and Grambling never play — GSU is in the FBS, Grambling is in the FCS — so we’re going to guess he means *Southern* and Grambling, one of the most storied rivalries in HBCU sports. They play in the Bayou Classic every year — last year, our Bill Connelly went and wrote about how awesome it was.

point shaver / check the bio, I fixed the game between Kentucky and Miami of Ohio / I been wild — from "Red Dot Music" by Mac Miller

Kentucky has actually played Miami (Ohio) twice in recent years. They blew out the RedHawks in football in 2013, 41-7 — maybe Action convinced them not to show up? — but squeaked by on a John Wall game-winner in hoops in 2009. Miami covered the spread!

Motherfucker I’m a great artist / I fixed the game between Georgia Tech and Wake Forest — from "1010 Wins" by The Alchemist

WE KNEW SOMETHING WAS GOING ON IN THE 2006 ACC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME

(the 2006 ACC Championship game was so, so awful)

And in the same song as the last one, a boxing reference:

I paid Holyfield to take the dive Fix the drug test, we getting richer — from "1010 Wins" by the Alchemist

Things don’t always go Action’s way, though:

Capers on the veal piccata / Lost paper cuz Prince Fielder couldn’t field a fucking pop-up / fucking bastard — from the XXL Freshman freestyle

It should be noted that this is the end of his verse — he gets so upset about it he stops rapping just to say "fucking bastard." And yes, Prince Fielder does often miss fucking pop-ups. We would’ve guessed this was referencing about the 2013 ALCS game the Tigers lost after a dropped 9th-inning pop-up, but that was almost eight months after Bronson spit this line. Dude can see the future.

Some more Action gambling:

Put 6 digits on the Wizards, shit, just don’t tell my Mrs. — from "The Imperial"

I get a fade and then I fade to black / Bet on the Razorbacks — from "Red Dot Music" by Mac Miller

Convos with Carlos / Hundred thousand on the Cardinals — from "TLC" by A$ton Matthews

100 stacks on my favorite horse / 300 hundred dollars for a flavored favorite broth — from "Reloaded" by Statik Selektah

Football

Remember when we said it couldn’t get much more random than just saying "Clarence Weatherspoon" in the middle of a bar? HE DID, AND HE DID IT ON THE SAME SONG:

New rings, live jackets out the petting zoo / Luke Petitgout, my marijuana medical

LUKE PETITGOUT

Bronson titled a song called "Larry Csonka" just because he ended it with this, and took a moment to celebrate how much more he knows about sports than everybody else in the world:

Her tits are bonkers / Chilling in her chanclas / Rollers in her hair, I’m running through it, Larry Csonka… Bronsolino… You don’t even know who fucking Larry Csonka is, man — from "Larry Csonka"

Not his only ‘72 Dolphins shoutout:

Light the Earth, like the sun, stars and moon would do / undefeated like I’m Shula’s group — from "Friendly Fire"

Bronson also wrote a song called "Mike Vick," to which this is the chorus:

When you down the people kick you / When you up the bitches lick you / Chill dogs, don’t wanna have to Michael Vick you / Stash the work inside the asshole of a pit bull

He compared himself to one of Vick’s dogs on another song:

One of the few dogs that pulled through the Mike Vick fiasco / Heart of a lion with the strength, straight outta Glasgow — from "Cirque du Soleil"

When you feature on a song called "Ray Lewis," you have to rap about Ray Lewis:

My mind ready like Ray Lewis / Jumping out the gray Buick — from "Ray Lewis" by Mayhem Lauren

When you feature on a song called "Ickey Woods," you have to rap about Ickey Woods:

Bout to smash your pussy like your man play for the Bengals / Ickey Woods, Ickey Shuffle in the 740 — from "Ickey Woods," by Alex Wiley

Some nice football terminology wordplay here:

Yea the cops set me up, tried to play Action / Good thing I’m like Peyton with the play action — from "Live from Kissena Blvd"

Bronson is convinced that when he has children, they’ll be able to play pro football fresh from the womb:

I make kids, NFL ready / Yours are 23 wearin’ bibs slurping spaghetti — from "Demolition Man"

I fuck good and make big seeds like a mango / NFL ready, sculpted for the clay court — from "103 and Roosy"

He’s also ready to play football!

New Yorker Mangold see me playing on the front lines / 260, 5’8, the beard gumbo — from "The Stick Up"

In goal line situations I’ll tackle The Fridge / Peace to Mike Ditka, 50 on the light fixture — from "Brand New Car"

Run the 40 in 4 flat / Way faster than a horse jack — from "I Shoulda Won A Grammy" by RiFF RAFF

Or at the very least, football video games:

Lack the passion novice / We play on All-Madden / Old ‘Lo jackets, Navajo patterns — from "Choices" by Asher Roth

The rest of Action’s football references, from shouting out nose guard Haloti Ngata to rhyming "tan coupin’" with "Cam Newton:"

Omaplata, guard your nose, Haloti Ngata — from "Cirque Du Soleil"

Iron and the niacin / Boomer Esiason, flying out the lion’s den — from "Bitch I Deserve You"

Throwing darts like Byron Leftwich — from "Simple Man"

I’m Sanders whether Deion or Barry, find candy / Though I smoke until my eyes are the shape of Tia Carrere — from "Brunch"

Silk and linen what I’m sportin when the Eagles winnin / yo bet the over, cause the corners are a little iffy — from "Bronson Mania"

Live fast and eat the big tuna like Billy Parcells — from "Brunch"

Hit you hard like London Fletcher, leave you sleeping on the stretcher — from "Body Language"

Queens-bred, no Packer but a cheesehead — from "Cliff Notes"

And I’m a play like Polamalu you get tackled for the bread / We’re running in your crib your shorty shackled to the bed — from "Bag of Money"

Every season play the corner like I’m Revis / Light Caesar, heavy bearded like I’m Jesus — from "Shiraz"

Tan coupin’, work tanner than Cam Newton — from "Heel Toe"

Very humble, Jim Brown, never fumble — from "TKO"

I’m in the end zone with one leg up, posing like Heisman / Throw it like Theismann — from "Drug Shit"

Aaron Rodgers style, I’m here to take the title /Rock a mask, dog cause every word is viral — from "Beautiful Music"

Throw like Marino / Cruise in the Regal — from "Night Court"

Pass the time, chokin off the truest reefer / Lawrence Taylor in his prime with the smoother Caesar — from "Marijuana Bronson"

Pick 6 like I’m Revis — from "It’s Raw" by Czarface

Never sniff that blanco, that’s word to OJ’s Bronco — from "Larry Csonka"

Curtis Martin run the rock in for the jets — from "Amuse Bouche"

My lawyer tackled the case like he played for the Ravens — from a freestyle on Hot 97

Running and gunning, I’m Randall Cunning, my skin is stunning — from "Blackbird"

I’m like a black quarterback / In the motherfucking… oh shit, bobbing, ducking / Weaving, passing and running / Passing and running, passing and running — from "Arts and Leisure"

Razor sniff, leave the pocket when you see the Blitz — from "Bronson Mania"

Baseball

Our favorite Action Baseball shoutout is just completely randomly shouting out Mets pitcher Dillon Gee:

I stay in Flushing like I’m Dillon Gee / You ain’t gotta open up the comic book to figure who the villain be — from "Rolling Thunder"

Dillon was thrilled.

And then there was the time he ended a track by yelling this out:

SUCK MY MOTHERFUCKING DICK, IT’S THE YOUNG RANDY VELARDE — from "NaNa" by Chance the Rapper

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!?!?! WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE THE YOUNG RANDY VELARDE

Did I mention, steer the whip with one arm like Jim Abbott / chocolate sauce over thin rabbit — from "Midget Cough"

If we’re being technical, Jim Abbott had two arms, but only one hand, but this line is still spectacular.

Red roses dropped from boxes very often / Confetti torchin’, drinking Henny like I’m Kenny Lofton — from "1Train" by A$AP Rocky

So far as I can tell, Kenny Lofton has no connection to alcohol, alcoholism, or Hennessy besides 1) the fact that "Henny" and "Kenny" rhyme and 2) this one lyric

He had several lines of baseball bars on "Beautiful Music:"

You fucking with the captain / Action Jeter / Salmon on the cedar / You ain’t do the job, and then they calling a reliever / Me, Dennis Eckersley / Rhyme flavor like my Grandma’s book of recipes — from "Beautiful Music"

Action’s a Yankees fan, so you know he’s going to reference Derek Jeter more than once.

0-to-60 in the Porsche like a Cheetah / New York, I’m like Jeter, light Caesar — from "Strictly 4 My Jeeps"

More Yankees shoutouts:

Flushing, Queens death spitter / Donnie Baseball, standing on the left hitter — from "Savage from Sarasota"

I sign my name like I’m Mantle, never sticking to the script — from "Morey Boogie Boards"

Stoned on the stoop, got the box pumpin’ Billy Joel / I’m Mickey Mantle while you motherfuckers semi-pro — from "Buddy Guy"

Flicks with mickey on the mantle / Flicks with Yogi Berra lifted in some sandals — from "Dennis Haskins"

Ill prosciutto. legend, Phil Rizzuto / Marijuana like the pussy, I keep it crudo — from "Cocoa Butter"

Go to 1-6-1, to watch the Yankees play — from "Northern and Roozy"

Choke a pussy with his tie knot, it’s my block / Chuck Knoblauch, spicy coconut curry from the Thai spot — from "Terry"

Knoblauch was found guilty of domestic abuse in 2010 for an incident that involved choking his wife.

Bronson wants no association with the baseball-playing person of the same name:

I only smoke shit from out the soil /Virgin oil, the name Bronson, no Arroyo — from "Beautiful Music"

But Action! Gary Sheffield primarily played RIGHT field!

Sit out in left field next to Gary Sheffield — from "Rookies of the Future" by RiFF RAFF

Swing the Dodge Viper lefty like I’m Randy Johnson — from "The Rap Monument" by Noisey

We’re about to pull a seriously #WellActually on this one. Although Randy Johnson was, of course, a lefty pitcher, he actually hit righty, so he didn’t swing lefty.

Big bearded Buddha bangin’ bitches in Bermuda / Barry Bonds, barracuda, Chattanooga — from "Only in America"

We don’t think there is any connection between Barry Bonds and any of the other things besides the letter B.

He looks like two very different looking baseball players:

My look is Jay Buhner, doggy, cause some of us just age sooner — from "Red Dot Music" by Mac Miller

She said I look like David Justice when she see me floating in the Maxima — from "Practice"

He seems to think vaginas should look like old baseball gloves:

Sell the pussy ‘til the shit look like a Ty Cobb glove — from "Compliments of the Chef"

I like the pussy like a catcher’s mitt — from "Beyond A reasonable Doubt" by Joey Bada$$

Just sell that pussy ‘til that shit look like a catcher’s mitt! — from "Staten Island Ferry" by Wais P

We have no idea what it means to have a "Placido Polanco crib."

Call my homie, tell him meet me down in Lido Beach for lunch / Placido Polanco Crib, his bitch was black / She started purring, I kissed the cat — from "The Don’s Cheek"

Action may be a Yankees fan, but he respects the 80’s Mets.

Dookie blunt of regs ‘til I’m pookie in the face / Queens, the kids a star like a Mookie on the base — from "White Silk"

"Aged fine, like a Montrachet wine / 86 the Mets won the ring" — from "Gametime" by Chuck Inglish

Things change, now my dashboard wooden / All black Benz, like a young Doc Gooden — from "Baby Blue"

Peugeot Sport was purchased by my father first, man / Shift with the left hand, back then he was a Mets fan — from "Ray Lewis" by Mayhem Lauren

When you’re at a Howard Johnson with prostitutes, it’s only courteous to invite Howard Johnson’s ex-teammates:

Hookers by the Ho-Jo chillen with Doc Gooden / tapas up for grabs so fuck it, then why wouldn’t — from "Tapas"

Action never plays by the rules, so of course he loved the steroid era. Almost as much as he loves wearing Jason Giambi’s signature glasses.

I’m trying to have the bank account with all the Zero’s / Rolling Camaros, Jose Canseco was my hero / Swing the bat like I swing the ‘Lac — from "Triple Backflip"

Barry Bronson shooting juice before the Mitchell Report / Never snitching in court, we blitzing the fort / All my niggas pitching for sport / Putting up Clemens numbers — from "Body Language"

Fast forward ‘98, Mark McGuire shirt I eat dessert while your bitch flirt (Uhh) — from "Pepe Lopez"

Giambi on the lenses and the juice is from the doctor — from "Muslim Wedding"

Skin fades, beards with Giambi lenses — from "Savage from Sarasota"

I rock the lenses Caminiti wore — from "Morey Boogie Boys"

Straight up lambs on the arm, Giambi lenses Ken Caminiti, Bosworth — from "Pouches of Tuna"

Brian Bosworth didn’t play baseball, of course, but he did do steroids, hence the reason he’s lumped in with Giambi and Caminiti.

Somehow, Todd Hundley got into a line with LeBron James, the only time that could conceivably ever happen:

Serve white balls, autograph by Todd Hundley / I need LeBron money — from "Ickey Woods" by Alex Wiley

The rest of Action’s baseball lines, from a Terry Pendleton shoutout to "Candy Maldonado/Candy El Dorado:"

Suede foot push a green five, smoke the medicine / Got some family on the run like Terry Pendleton — from "Fiends Jean Jacket"

Push your seat back. The Rickey Henderson of rap / Jets hat, underneath a little blubber lie the 6 pack — from "Cocoa Butter"

Falling asleep right on the shitter / Word to Roberto Clemente dog I’m still a hitter, yeah! — from "Hookers at the Point"

Shit, i used to pitch a hundred miles an hour / Candy Maldonado / Candy Eldorado — from "TLC" by A$ton Matthews

Commas on accounts, Robbin’ em’ like Yount — from a freestyle on the Tim Westwood show

Huh, yo Tommy Lasorda / Dodge bullets, dive into the water — from "Savage from Sarasota"

Swing the Beamer lefty like Mo Vaughn / Fancy clothes are worn — from "Beyond A Reasonable Doubt"

The work flipped like Ozzie Smith / the whip was olive-ish — from "Watersports"

Ozzie Smith, of course, liked flipping.

He’s got a few lines that don’t reference specific baseball players, but use the process of making the majors as a metaphor:

Great intuition and vision, no time to hit the mall up / Just a taste of the life like a September call up — from "Brunch"

Damn, your fucking with a pro kid / No Triple A I went straight up to the show, kid — from "Ron Simmons"

Skipping Triple A I’m coasting straight up to the majors — from "The Come-Up"

Playing to the crowd

We couldn’t quite figure out how to characterize this, but it’s awesome: Sometimes, Action caters to a specific place or thing and just goes off on it, bouncing from sport to sport.

When he was in Chicago for the first time, he ate at a restaurant called "Blackbird," then spit these bars about a slew of Chicago stars on a track called "Blackbird:"

I’m a young Mike Singletary, style shitty like a dingleberry / Push the bent like I’m Richard Dent / Steve McMichael, Paxson with the 3 / You know my jacket flashing fashion pass the D — from "Blackbird"

When Action guested on a track by French rapper Joke, he made sure to mention two French soccer greats:

Specializing in thievery like Ribéry / Play the field like I’m Zinedine, sip grenadine — from "Batmobile," by Joke

Of course, his verse was still in English, so who knows if the majority of listeners to Joke’s song even got the reference.

Soccer

Bronsolino allegedly has secret dealings with Arsene Wenger:

They taking pictures from the van outside the carnival / See me doing business with the manager of Arsenal / The goalie’s fingers in the box with the cannolis — from "Godfather IV" by Curren$y

More Action soccer:

Like a soccer player call me by my last name / A young Zinedine Zidane / In Flushing Meadow Park drinking Hennessy with mom — from "It’s Me"

FWIW, he says "zi-dahn," the correct French pronunciation, to make it rhyme with "mom" even though he could’ve said "zi-dayne" to make it rhyme with "last name."

Kick shit Miroslav Klose / I drink piss of the purified cobra — from "1000 Pounds" by Labba

Scorin’ like I’m Messi but this game is far from soccer — from "Muslim Wedding"

Pistol noise, shiftin' in a Hitler toy / kick shit, young Ruud von Nistelrooy -- from "5 Minute Beats 1 Take Raps"

I’m known to kick it like I’m Ronaldinho / My rhymes are spicy as a jalapeño — from "Back 2 the Future"

From here to Portugal, kick it like Ronaldo / Mustache like Geraldo — from "Savage from Sarasota"

A Dutch master like Robben and Sneijder — from "Back 2 the Future"

A lot of rappers have rapped about Dutch Masters, the rolling papers, but we’re pretty sure Action is the first to bring up Dutch soccer players in relation to them.

Bodybuilding

Action has managed some incredibly specific references to famous strongmen and bodybuilders that send the 99 percent of us that don’t follow professional strongman competitions sprinting to Google.

Scoop up your princess / My team moving rocks like Žydrūnas Savickas — from "German Engineering" by Shaz Ilyork

My mind is stronger than Mariusz Pudzianows / Obvious to see I’m a star straight off the couch — from "Not Enough Words"

Pudzianowski, known to let the guns loose / Everybody smoking cigarettes in jump suits — from "Cirque Du Soleil"

I’m like a young Bill Kazmaier, swollen from the juice / Primobolan in my hemoglobin, chiefin’ on the spruce — from "Respect the Mustache"

Heavy body, Gerrit Badenhorst, banana porsche — from "Fiends Jean Jacket"

He even had a song named after legendary bodybuilder Ronnie Coleman.

Having great seats

The biggest problem with sitting courtside — which Action Bronson does frequently — is shoe safety:

Catch me later at the Laker game, I bet a grip on the Knicks / Carmelo sweatin’ on my kicks, cause I’m courtside — from a freestyle on Hot 97

Game 7, Knicks-Heat / Me and Spike had to switch seats / Cause he kept spilling Henny all on my bitch feet — from "Alligator"

The Knicks haven’t gone to Game 7 against the Heat since 1997, the year Jeff Van Gundy took a ride on Alonzo Mourning’s legs.

He goes to some Heat games (and looks the part)

Courtside Pistons vs the Heat / My hair slicked back like I’m Pat Riley — from "850 Music" by Retch

Candy skywalker Adidas / Sitting courtside Heat-Jazz — from "Live from Kissena Blvd"

The one problem is Action is a big boy. And there’s not a ton of courtside real estate.

Lakers versus Celtics, hoggin’ up two floor seats / Cause I’m selfish — from "I Shoulda Won A Grammy" by RiFF RAFF

Well, I guess it’s not that big of a problem.

But Action doesn’t have to sit in the high-roller seats. He’ll chill with the rowdiest fans in the stands at the Yankee game:

Handmade, hand blades, carve up your features, I’m a creature / Section 39, I’m in the bleachers — from "Cocoa Butter"

Sports are sex

Action has a bunch of ways to talk about sports and talk about sex at the same time:

Little dad got soul like the Four Tops / Hop out scoop your bitch like a shortstop — from "Fiends Jean Jacket"

Twist a sister’s back out / Dribble penetration to her rim just like I’m Stackhouse — from "Pardon, That Bitch Been On My Mind All Week" by Jay Steele

Lash out, one second in the fourth quarter / Dribble penetrate, pussy meat I renovate — from "Time For Some"

In the sack, break her back like a Redskin / Need the dough like I’m trying to get the bread thin — from "Shiraz"

In overdrive like my libido / I’m stroking like I’m Michael Phelps into the pussy fetal — from "Night Court"

Magic long night pipe with no intermission / Put on the DL, Tommy John no more pitchin — from "Bronson Mania"

I twist a bitch like Wilt, built — from "Pepe Lopez"

Yes, this appears to be a line about having sex with the same person alongside his father:

Me and my father hit it back to back like Griffey / Big black girl bad fake missy — from a freestyle on the Tim Westwood show

Sex sometimes leads to basketball celebrations:

Slap her ass like she scored 30 / Ride dirty — from "Practice"

Action raps about several experiences having sex with people who have sex with athletes:

She gave me head during the Laker game / I got her tatted, trying to erase her name / No, I caught her cheating, her pussy didn’t feel the same / She was probably with one of the Broncos / Or LeBron so I blew her car up /Soon as she try to start it up

A little dramatic, IMO.

By chance I seen her in the lobby of the Ritz / With her man, the one that swings a hockey stick — from "Easy Rider"

Bronson has a rather unfortunate habit of making jokes about athletes with HIV:

The Magic Johnson of the game / These lames don’t want to play with me — from "Easy Rider"

Mind trick, mind sick like Magic Johnson’s dick / You know your shorty lettin’ Bronson hit — from "Dreamer"

Back alley Bronson, young Magic Johnson / Sick nigga balling — from "The Night" by J. Love

Up in Niagara Falls, make your wifey suck a bag of balls / it’s sick, just like a Magic cough — from "Shiraz"

Protection from the virus, Magic J / Homies pass away — from "Velvet Cape" by Roc Marciano

Just to get a rep you get left with a darker past / You just a little sick my fucking flow is Arthur Ashe — from "Expensive Pens"

Fighting

Action admires Mohammad Ali’s footwork/liked his first name better than his changed name:

On thin ice, I skate across the lake / With the CCM tacks, my feet are like Cassius — from "Bird on a Wire"

Time to flip the mattress, kick it swift as Cassius — from "Not Enough Words"

Other boxing references:

Crisp kiddicks, right hand quicker than Riddick’s — from "Sylvester Lundgren"

But Bronsolino might prefer MMA:

But out of Flushing where we hitting hard like Quinton Jackson fights / Been on the rampage, you motha fuckas half as nice — from "Shorty Bop With A Hook"

Sharp foot like i’m Jon "Bones" Jones, kid / Tomahawk Chop, red bone in — from "All I Got" by Styles P

I’m Royce Gracie the magician of submission, elegance in the kitchen — from Bronson Mania

And other fighting sports:

Skirt steak shaved straight up off the diaphragm / Muay Thai title fights out in Thailand — from "Tan Leather"

Pro wrestling

Action really, really, really, really, really really, really, really, really, really, REALLY loved 1980’s wrestling.

Several of his songs are entirely wrestling themed. The chorus of "The Rockers" is just Action saying this over and over again:

Hit you with the dropkick Marty Jannetty

Jannetty was half of the tag team The Rockers alongside Shawn Michaels, and he gets a few other shoutouts by Bronson:

Well now you know that I’m a rocker like Marty Jannetty — from "Amuse Bouche"

Dropkicks like Jannetty off the ropes / Mach 6 smoking heavy on the coast — from "Intercontinental Champion"

He also has a song called "Ron Simmons" — he says DAMN a lot and the chorus is just him saying "Ron Simmons." "Barry Horowitz" features samples of Horowitz’s introduction and a reference to his signature backpat:

It’s Barry Horowitz rap, I pat myself on the back — from "Barry Horowitz"

His song "Savage from Sarasota" features a sample of a Macho Man Randy Savage.

Some of his songs just reference wrestlers from his favorite era. He thinks he looks like a few:

Red beard so I resemble Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart, ride dirty in the five sharp / Hand skills, Jean Claude, fine art — from "Eggs on the Third Floor"

It be that Queens kid with the face of Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart / I play the part, smoke the white shark — from "Decisions over Veal Orloff" by The Alchemist

Do you see it?

Terry Gene Boli motherfuckers are immortal / You in the corner looking floral

Hulk Hogan’s birth name is "Terry Gene Bollea." (No, sadly, his parents didn’t name him "Hulk.") A more obvious Hulkamania shoutout:

You know I’m golden, just like the hair on Hulk Hogan — from "Long Time"

He referenced Owen Hart’s tragic death with some wordplay:

Tryna drop me in the ground but I’m not going / To the top till I fall just like Owen / Heartbreak drowned sorrows in a large steak — from "Thug Love Story 2012"

No, but seriously: If you watched wrestling in the 1980’s, read all these:

I’m Rick the Model, Martel to cartel — from "Brunch"

I been fly since the Big Bossman feud with the Mountie — from "Amuse Bouche"

Her landing strip is red like hair that’s on Tatanka / I’m steady diving in chocolate like Willy Wonka — from "Jerk Chicken"

Papa Shango, the monster in your mother’s bed / Blunt of regs, and some lead turn the gutter red — from "Keep Off the Grass"

I’m Greg "The Hammer" Valentino — from "Big Bad and Dangerous" by Smoke DZA

I’m like a young Dino Bravo / Tan loaf press the Beamer throttle — from "Home Team" by Troy Ave

Peace to the Ultimate Warrior posted up in Astoria — from "Mr. Songwriter"

I’m like The One Man Gang / Accompanied by Slick — from "Yo What’s Good New York" by Heems

Peace to Queens though heavy on the C-note / Ricky Steamboat one love Bronsolino — from "Amuse Bouche"

They keep on fiending / Cause nowadays it’s just Brain, just call me Bobby Heenan — from "Ray Lewis" by Mayhem Lauren

Tryna live the American dream, Dusty Rhodes, yeah — from "Drug Shit"

Now I jump in the beemer like Jimmy Snuka — from "It’s A Beautiful Thing" by Roosh Williams

Pearl white Boston coach, that’s a classy toy / Take your bitch and tag team her, Nasty Boys — from "Brown Bag Wrap"

Scissor kicks, dick suck from Miss Elizabeth / Lex Luger arms, four in the morning in the dark with the computer on — from "Drug Shit"

I’m known for cooking meat, cooking beats / And wildin’ like I’m Booker T — from "TKO"

I’m in the world strong known to make the Southern moves / Cause every man is for themselves like Royal Rumble rules — from "Friendly Fire"

Shoes

Action clearly liked Patrick Ewing’s signature shoe — the ones that went about half the way up your shin:

Suede kicks, shootin’ ball at the park (swish) / Thousand on the free throw, you just a Webelow / I’m a full-grown human, half my leg covered in Ewings — from "Rare Chandeliers"

Pop a U-ee lite the ooey Now I’m higher than some Ewing’s — from the XXL Freshmen Freestyle

I order two wings, Jamaican colored Ewings — from "Scandanavian Detour" by Da$h

And the Shawn Kemp Reebok Kamikazes:

Rock this Shawn Kemp, kamikaze / Burning cheese, Saganaki — from "The Rockers"

Shawn Kemps on the pedal, I’m a kamikaze — from "Seven Series Triplets"

And Scottie Pippen’s Nike Airs:

The lights hit me at the club, my skin was like a chicken / And now my leather to the ankle by my Pippen — from "Triple Backflip"

I had the full Bulls warm-up with the Pippens on — from "NaNa" by Chance the Rapper

Left hand right side see stick shift / A-I-R inscription on the Pippen’s — from "Gametime" by Chuck Inglish

But nah, I ain’t buying shit, she’s tricking / Five pairs of all-white Airs and some Scottie Pippens — from "Diagnosis" by The Alchemist

My bars are heavy like Olympic liftin’ / Place raided by siftin’ / A-I-R inscription on the side of the Pippen’s — from "All I Think About" by Apathy

Action’s even got love for Tim Duncan’s Tim Duncan-esque shoes:

I had dreams of fuckin’ Keri Hilson in my Duncans / woke up naked at the Hilton with a bitch that look like Seal’s cousin — from "Easy Rider"

Cause it’s nothing to me I’m something to see / Sunk in the sea, Duncans on feet — from the XXL Freshman Cypher

But what about Jordans, the most popular, most beloved, most sought-after basketball shoes of all time? Nah. Those are for kids.

Your mind is young, copping Jordans, eating chicken wings — from "Gold Days" by Mr. Probz

Jordans are childish, only Beamers and Sevens — from "Hookers" by Metabeats

Some other kicks options:

First day class, the Agassis are black and white — from "Brunch"

Deion Sanders on my feet inside the Regal — from "I Adore You"

Smoke a 50 bag, and do the dippies on the gypsy cab / In ‘95, rock the same shits that Griffey had — from "Brown Bag Shit"

Orlando Magic warm-up suits and black Shaqs / ‘95: younger Bronson on the fast track — from "Imported Goods"

It’s Christmas time, I bought the Kobes for the little homies — from "Godfather IV" by Curren$y

Hilfiger hats rockin Stackhouse / The crib look like Shaq house — from "All I Got" by Styles P

The new Lebron up on my feet / Step on the Beamer pedal — from "Typhoon Rap" by Mayhem Lauren

Grant Hill’s laced up with the Helly Hansen — from a freestyle on the Tim Westwood freestyle

Dick sucks in the crisp air, ‘olas in the crisp pair / Of sneakers that were designed for David Robby — from "Northern and Roozy"

College sports

Introducin’, It’s Bronsonlino / With my hair slicked back, I look like Rick Pitino — from "NaNa" by Chance the Rapper

Foul living like Sandusky and Paterno — from "Steve Wynn"

I’m eating salad but I’m leaving off the croutons /Cause ever since a youth your dog’s huskier than UConn — from "Ronnie Coleman"

"My man Stevie Mo playing safety for Toledo" — from "Not Enough Words"

After perusing Toledo’s roster for the past decade or so, we’re not quite sure who this is. But we trust Action.

Dreams to ball but I ain’t talking bout Seton Hall — from "It Concerns Me"

Mainly he just likes rocking school clothing:

Georgia tech sweatsuit in a red coupe / You know we get loot / And beat the pussy like a dead moose — from "BBQ Brisket" by Mayhem Lauren

Three different colors on the goose with the boots / Maryland college basketball suits — from "Seven Series Triplets"

Other sports

Gymnastics!

I’m like the motherfucking Mary Lou Retton of this shit! — from "Icky Woods" by Alex Wiley

Yes he really yelled "I’M LIKE THE MOTHERFUCKING MARY LOU RETTON OF THIS SHIT" in the outro of a song Right up there with the YOUNG RANDY VELARDE thing.

Hockey!

Under the influence of fly shit, I glide like Ovechkin — from "Pouches of Tuna"

Dip the Babylon like a skater on the ice move / Alex Ovechkin — from "The Illest"

I’m rare like a fucking Asian playing hockey — from "Rolling Thunder"

Horse racing!

Rock a shirt with Secretariat on it / Seabiscuit on the dress, stay guarded like the eagle’s nest — from "Three Course Meal" by ProbCause

Pictures with the jockey in the winner’s circle / Triple crown on, all brown on — from "Godfather IV" by Curren$y

Carhartt sets and Horseys like the Preakness / Bronson love a freak bitch, dining on that Greek dish — from "Imported Goods"

I’m Lo rockin’, seat at the Kentucky Derby — from "Typhoon Rap" by Mayhem Lauren

Golf!

Shoot eagles on a Jack Nicklaus course, Porsche with the triple exhaust — from "Midget Cough"

Arnold Palmer on the graphic in the beverage / Everything I do myself, I’m using that for leverage — from "White Silk"

Track and Field!

Time on my hands / Running fast like Jackie Joyner-Kersee — from "Chuck Person"

Tamarind punch, higher than a javelin jump — from "Midget Cough"

Surfing!

Hang ten on the Donald Takayama — from "Watersports"

Yo I’m the young Laird Hamilton / Hoppin’ out the chopper — from "Muslim Wedding"

Diving!

I’m diving in like Louganis / I’m aiming right for that anus — from "Larry Csonka

Flying from a tropical escape / "Did I do a perfect dive?" is such a popular debate (Well, I’ll give it a 9.3) — from "Big League Chew"

Figure skating!

Uh, my clique is so nuts / Big shit to lift you like a triple-toe lutz — from "Big League Chew"

Tennis!

Serve like Ivan Lendl up in the rental — from "The Symbol"

Chess!

I’m Bobby Fischer / Check mate — from "Muslim Wedding"

Drinking Ginger Ale out of NYC sports memorabilia

The most specific, but consistent Action sports reference:

Ginger ale laying in a Knicks cup / Pay thirty dollars for a dick suck — from "Contemporary Man"

Ginger ale in Knicks glasses, your style is piss mothafucka / Time to flip the mattress — from "Not Enough Words"

Drinking ginger out the Yankee cup / The holy grail telling tale blowing cheeba eating tangy duck — from "Marijuana Bronson"

About the Author

Loading comments...