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2015 Taco All-Stars: Plus Guac snubbed for Plus Sour Cream

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Happy Taco Tuesday, baseball. Also, happy first MLB American League All-Star Ballot update day:

Instead of gripe about how many Royals are leading the votes or pretend we don't all know exactly how this thing works, (what with your unqualified 35 votes for whichever player on your team you like best and everything) let us instead focus on the Taco Tuesday opportunity. Which tacos and taco-related items would start the Taco All-Star game?

Me and my friends back at SB Nation MLB headquarters had a long, mostly-sober, definitely-contentious three-hour discussion on the merits of numerous taco-related items. Many were submitted. These are the few that survived.

Meet the 2015 Taco All-Stars: Lineup

1B -- Double Decker Taco: Pound-for-pound the slamminest taco with the biggest punch.


2B -- Crunchy Taco: Versatile, rangy, average.


SS -- Soft Taco: Versatile, rangy, better than crunchy.


3B -- Chorizo Tacos: Spicy guy on the hot corner.


LF -- Quesadillas: Quick, punchy, limited range. Real question: Condiments ON TOP or INSIDE?


CF -- Nachos: Possibly the MVP here, considering all tacos are one accidental crunch from 'welp this is nachos now! :|


RF -- Fajitas: They're just tacos you haven't put together yet, symbolic for the position.


C -- Chimichangas: Really if you can get anything out of this guy you're doing pretty well. You know it's fried so whatever is in there was cooked at 155° Fahrenheit, minimizing potential damage from contaminants.

Meet the 2015 Taco All-Stars: Starters

SP1 -- +Sour Cream: In the World Series of Food, Sour starts Game 1, Game 5, and closes Game 7. He's Madisour Creamgarner. He's Claysour Creamshaw. He's the one you'd go to every single time if you could.

SP2 -- +Guac, yes we know it's $1 more: Our biggest snub but who argues over Sour's everyman appeal? Careful, if left out too long he'll get icky.

SP3 -- +Pico: You really can't go wrong with pico on most items, or most teams.

SP4 -- +Roasted Corn: Best when used sparingly.

SP5 -- +Refried beans: Could cement your staff, could blow up your insides. You never know.

Meet the 2015 Taco All-Stars: Other considerations

UTL -- Taquitos: It's a taco, rolled up and fried, without all the hot lettuce or tomatoes. Not bad when you need something in a pinch.

RP -- Fish Tacos: Soooo good. Unless they're bad, and hoo boy when they're bad, they're game-ending bad.

LOOGY -- Choco Taco: They have a purpose. We might have invented that purpose, but here we are.

CL -- Doritos Locos: Anybody wanna dispute this can fight me and my gut. Any time, any place.

There you have it, your 2015 Taco All-Stars. Enjoy!

★★★

Special thanks to Gaslamp Ball blogger Darklighter; Bless You Boys bloggers Fielder's Choice, Catherine Slonksnis, and Rob Rogaki; Charlie Gebow of AZ Snakepit; Colin O'Keefe of Lookout Landing; and all our mentors for believing in us when nobody else saw our value.