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The dark Twitter story of Cap'n Crunch, his dog, and a pirate who drowned trying to eat cereal

Three years ago, a cereal company live-tweeted the death of a fictional cartoon character. It is not for the faint of heart.

Last year, we wrote about the Twitter account of Tony the Tiger, a tiger who is very bad at tweeting about sports and even worse at fantasy football. He is not the only cereal mascot to have a Twitter account. However, we'd like to warn you: This is not a funny tale, like Tony's poorly timed, poorly phrased, out-of-touch references to sports. This one gets dark quick.

This is the Twitter account of Cap'n Crunch. It's a pretty straightforward Twitter account documenting a sea captain obsessed with cereal.

Like any cereal mascot Twitter account, it has to reference things that happen in the non-cereal world like the Kentucky Derby, NCAA Tournament or Super Bowl.

Cap'n Crunch has a dog, Sea Dog.

Sea Dog also has a Twitter account, @realseadog. This account has been operating since April 2011, and has tweeted over 500 times. It has only ever tweeted one thing: the word "howl" with varying amounts of letters and capitalization.

This is all it does. This is all it has ever done. This is all it will ever do. Every few months, somebody decides it's time for Sea Dog to howl. He never talks about Cap'n Crunch. He just howls.

Real Sea Dog only follows three accounts. Cap'n Crunch, noted Cap'n Crunch fan Chrissy Teigen, and that of Jean LaFoote, the pirate nemesis of Cap'n Crunch.

Jean LaFoote's account is in a French accent -- maybe he uses speech-to-text? -- and is entirely about ill-fated attempts to outsmart Cap'n Crunch to plunder cereal.

However, you'll notice all these tweets are from 2012. That's because something happened. Something horrible.

On June 25, 2012, LaFoote sneaks onto and begins to pilot Cap'n Crunch's ship, the Guppy:

But things don't go as planned.

And then:

This is Jean LaFoote's last tweet.

You just witnessed a fictional cereal-obsessed pirate die. He jumped into the ocean after getting attacked by a dog, and he was never seen again. Cap'n Crunch himself was remorseless:

LaFoote leapt into the ocean wounded and almost sure to die -- and yet still dreaming of one day attaining Crunch. He still thought of sweet cereal and delicious milk, even as his lungs filled with salty, briny ocean water. We'll never know if Jean drowned, or if sharks sniffed out his bleeding leg and ripped him to shreds. All we know is that he jumped into the seas, rebuffed one final time in his star-crossed quest for breakfast cereal.

Who knows why a cereal company decided showing the world the real-time death of a cartoon character was wise. But regardless, the next time we eat Cap'n Crunch, we will pour some out for Jean, a deranged, obsessive pirate who died for something we can buy at the supermarket.