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Help me prepare to be a dunk contest judge

A first-time dunk contest judge looks for help.

Bob Donnan-USA TODAY Sports

This Sunday, the Ball Up streetball tour swings through New York City, featuring a 3-point contest, dunk contest and All-Star game. (Tickets are available here.)

For reasons unbeknownst to me, I have been tabbed to participate as a judge of the dunk contest. I'm not completely sure why: I have never dunked, and I'm not particularly famous. However, I have watched every NBA Dunk Contest since my birth and am perhaps the greatest player of NBA Street Vol. 2 in the history of mankind. I like to think Ball Up recognized my potential for greatness in the field of dunk jurisprudence.

As a first-time dunk contest judge, I take the responsibility very seriously, so I want to make sure I'm 100 percent prepared. I asked Twitter for help:

You were very helpful:


Albert, I'm glad you asked.

Funk-faking and its detection is something I take very seriously. Personally, I have never faked the funk, even in my non-dunk endeavors. Personally, I contend it's impossible to actually fake the funk on a nasty dunk -- nasty dunks by nature have non-fake funk -- but I promise to be alert for potential funk-faking.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. I feel too often, judges award the first good dunk they see a 10, then find themselves with no higher score to go to when something truly extraordinary. A 10 is a sacred score that should only go to the most extraordinary level of dunks. I wish there was an intermediary between 9 and 10 to alleviate this problem which faces America today.

The all important smoothness/difficulty ratio. The greatest dunks of all time have been nearly impossible, yet made to look simple by the dunker. I'll be hand-calculating S/D ratio all night. Other factors include the dunker's swag and inventiveness.

Mekko, it's about what's best for the American people. If we celebrate lame dunks, our society as a whole weakens. High dunk standards are of the utmost importance. You wouldn't feed your kids Grade D eggs, and you shouldn't tarnish their lives with trash dunks either.

Although I love NBA Jam, I will only be making references to NBA Street Vol. 2 out of brand allegiance.

Ewing is the green one (flat top), LJ is the purple one (Hornets colors) Barkley is the orange one (Suns colors.) This also works in terms of size order.

Daiquiri de platano, but I'm sure you could say "daiquiri de banana" and get the job done, too.

1. 10

2. 9

3. 8

4. 7

5. 5

6. 6

7. 3

8. 1

9. 2

10. 4

I welcome any further questions, tips, or thoughts about my preparation to judge a dunk contest. In the comments!


SB Nation presents: You have to see this dunk to believe it