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RG3 could learn something from Johnny Manziel

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Not talking to the press is the new Madden curse.

Andrew Weber-USA TODAY Sports

We're required to remind you that these strong takes are SATIRE. Sorry, not sorry. All spelling errors are intentional, we think. -Ed.

When its all over and done with Robert, we tried.

We tried to help you.

We tried to save you from yourself.

We looked after you and put your best intrests ahead of ours.

But you turned yourself into Robbert Griffin the Third-Down and you threw it all away.

Now it seems that RG3 could learn a lesson or two in leadership and media communicaton from ... gasp ... Johnny Football.

When you look at the numbers Griffins put up this preseason compared to Johnny Manziel its pretty clear that you've got one Heisman and one Heisboy. Manziel has almost led his team to two consecutive wins and looked like a real fun-lovin scalawag out there, while meanwhile Griffins barely eeked out a couple victories despite beginning his very own media embargo against the press just because we were kind enough to give his message of confidence a national platform last week

That'll teach us to ever let you allow us to interview you again.

When you look at Manziels stats you see the mark of a professional- a guy who is starting to Get It off the field, where the only sacks he's intentionally taking are the bags of marijuana hes been walking out to the trash. And you cant help but notice that one guy cleaned up his act and got rid of the "money" dance while I guess the other isnt even ready to admit that he has a problem to begin with. Denial isnt just a river in Egypt, Queen ACLeopatra.

Too bad theres no rehab facility for being bad at talking to the press because you need a 12-step program, Rob. But knowing you, youd only make it to step three and then you wouldnt complete it. Id almost rather have my QB snorting a bump off his centers butt every play then one who only thumbs their nose when a reporter politley asks him to say something stupid.

Heres a fact- you cant be addicted to winning unless your an addict, so Im ok with a little harmless young fun like Johnny had. Meanwhile the only substance Griffin seems to crave is anasthesa. Im not a very healthy man, medically speaking but god dang.

The saddest part of all is that Griffins pretty much doing this to himself by refusing to talk to reporters. Its the new Madden curse.

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If theres one thing that can prepare you to take the punishment of a NFL season its having to talk to reporters for 15 minutes every day, and RG3s MEdia BOYcott has left him woefully unprepared to deal with leading his team on the gridiron. You think its tough to stare down Ndamukong Suh and deliver a perfect strike down the seam? Try answering a question about your teams questonable pass protecton while Len Pascarelli is sprinting downhill at you with a empty notebook and a camelback full of mountain dew. Im literally suprised that Griffin hasnt found a teammate to stiff out of $600 yet just so he can get his jaw broke and have a readymade excuse for why he dosen't do interviews anymore.

Look at Peyton Manning. Guy is just a all-star with reporters. Same with JJ Watt and Ryan Fitzpatricks son, and they have all avoided the injury bug that has plagued RG3 from day one, an they are all very good at football. Heck Robert, if you want to avoid getting hit, maybe you should just pretend the defensive players helmets have "press" written down the side of them instead of Lions. I dont want to make light of a injury but you can't help but think that maybe if he was half as good at avoiding a "Mike" as a "mic" then the Redskins might have themselves a superstar instead of a blooper-star.

Last night was a perfect example of comeuppins and it proved to me that Griffins ignoring the media has become a distracton. It was bound to happen that all the time Griffin was spending not talking to the press would eat into the time to soak up the advice Jay Gruden has for how he could be the next Andy Dalton.

So while all of us watching at home were fairly confident that RG3 didnt get a concussion based on my own experience shaking off head injuries when I was younger, there was some conflicting reports from the Redskins reporters. Maybe one reason there was such mix messaging taking place about whether or not RG3 had a concousson was because its tough for the training staff to diagnose on a kid whose eyes, I have to imagine,  are routinely glazed over in meetings. Lot of folks starting to call this guy Robert gMRIffin the 3rd, and while at first I thought that was juvenile, I also realied it was very true.

Heres the thing- I actually think that everytime Griffin does something stupid he actualy gets a little bit smarter. And as joints and bones heal, they tend to over calcify and make them impossible to hurt again. If thats the case well you have to think that statistically Griffin is running out of body parts to injure.

Now Im not saying he's going to be Kirk Cousin anytime soon, but for all the crap I give Robert, he's actually beginning to show signs of improvement. For example last night he demonsrated alot of hussle by getting injured in the preseason so that his team actualy has a chance to put together a decent regular season record. Kid might be turning the corner.

But barring a miraculous comeback, I think the best career move for him, career-wise, would be trying his luck with a more stable organizaton like the Cleveland Browns. Get him behind Manziel and let him learn for a couple years on how to properly deal with the media and deal with lofty expectatons. At least the Browns went full Trump with it and openly have a fraud for a owner.

But for now it seems like Griffin insists on having the same relatonship with the media that Gus Frerrotte had with the end zone wall, but I guess the first Washington QB your going to think of when you hear the term "head-butt" is now the one with his brain up his ass.

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