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Michael Vick will be a bad influence on Ben Roethlisberger and Russell Wilson

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Michael Vick went to federal prison for two years for running and financing dogfights. Not the kind of guy you want influencing younger QBs.

Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

We're required to remind you that these strong takes are SATIRE. Sorry, not sorry. All spelling errors are intentional, we think. -- The editor.

People forget that Michael Vick went to jail for dogfighting.

And now he's on the Pittsburgh Steelers? The most respected team in NFL history? I mean this is a guy whose more used to wearing a black a white uniform than a black and yellow, folks.

Forget about the off-the-field stuff. Just look back at last season where Vick, who went to prison for dogfighting in 2008, underperformed in his limited playing time with the Jets. Wasnt very good at all. Its just a no-win situation, like getting caught red-handed for running a dogfighting operation.

Whats even more dangerous is the bad influence that Vick could have on younger QBs like Steelers QB and Pittsburgh legend Ben Roethlisberger. Ben, who is now married and really turned his life around is a perfect target for the conniving Vick who we recall has dealt with his fair share of legal issues. People always talk about how Vick changed the sport of football, well these kids in the pros nowdays are the ones who grew up watching Vick Mixtapes and read-option remixes on Sportscenter every morning and the chickens have really come home to roost on this one.

Some people point to the fact that Vick, who used to run a dogfighting operation, has given himself up to God and stayed on the straight and narrow since his release from prison for dogfighting. But I submit that he has become a even more dangerous influence now that he is "reformed." It tells young naive QBs like Ben Roethlisberger and Russell Wilson that they need to put there faith in God and sometimes the youngsters take it to far. Case in point- Big Ben hasnt won a Superbowl since he got married. And lil Russell Wilson seems to be going out of his way to buy into the "Put my trust in God" train, which I will demonstrate can have dire consequnces for a QB.

Young QBs see a guy like Vick who has spent the last 4 years repenting, and all of a sudden its like they want to have something to repent for too. Next thing you know hes racking up divorces and begging for Tony Dungy's cell phone just so he can get back on board the USS Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Its a copycat league and Michael Vick was a sinner too, when he used to run a dogfighting operation.

Thats the dangerous thing- these guys are so competitive that there going to try to one-up each other to see who can come back from the worst transgresson. The Bible tells us that in the eyes of God all sins are regarded as equal but I mean come on, there's just no way. Jesus didnt literaly kill himself so you could repent for a candy-ass sin like forgetting to pray after a touchdown, he bit the bullet for folks out there who are spending there kids Liberty University tuition savings on 3 Ashley Madison accounts and googling "porn" in a church basement. I'm sorry but If Im Jesus I dont get out of bed for anything less then a vehicular homicide, or at the very least a dogfighting operation, like the one Michael Vick used to organize.

The fact is that Russell Wilsons preoccupation with being super religious just like his idol Mike Vick (whose checkered-past is enough to give many fans pause) has some very real on-the-field consequences. Ive been watching alot of "Homeland" recently on my neighbors amazon prime account and I've become pretty knowledgable about psychological intelligence gathering not to brag. So what Im actually seeing in Russell Wilsons seemingly inncouous dedication to God is really just a weakness waiting to be exploited- Your most important ability is your vulner-ability. For example-

Here's what I do if Im a NFL coach: I invite Russell over into my pregame prayer circle before the game and ask him to take a knee and close his eyes. Then I have the PA announcer say "Russell Wilson, this is God. Today I have chosen you to throw 4 interceptons and fumble twice this is really God." And I instruct all my players to pretend they didnt hear it and be all, "Nah man what are you talking about? You feelin ok Russell? Hey good luck out there today man."

Fish in a barrel.

Russell Wilsons faith is a major weakness that can be taken advantage of by a smart defensive coordinator. Just slip some copies of the 10 commanmendts underneath his hotel room door. Tell my defensive linemen to ask him which part of the bible tells him its ok to disobey the commandment of not excercising on Sunday. That would really make him think back there.

But in his rush to "Be Like Mike" Vick, Mr. Holier than thou is starting to show some holes in his faith: Memo to Russ Wilson- Jesus turned water into wine, not a revenue stream.

Now the Seattle QB is out here hawking counterfit Holy water to the unwashed masses by saying it fixes concussons when in realty all it does , is prevent concussons.

"I think your brain consists of like 75, 80 percent water, so I think that just being hydrated, drinking the recovery water really does help."

And all this from a guy who transformed a $700,000 contract into a $80 million dollar payday with the stroke of a pen. You talk about a money changer, boy Jesus would of like to have his ass in a headlock thats for sure. Now Wilsons peddling he stuff out of his gym back and next thing you know your going to have Navarrro Bowman taking recovery water enemas for 3 hours before each practice and Tyrann Mathieu using it to grow hydroponics. Meanwhile Wilsons laughing all the way to the bank, getting ready for his big redemption story just so he can be like his hero Michael Vick who used to run a dogfighting operation.

So yeah, I guess you could say that Mike Vick (former owner and proprieter of "Bad Newz Kennels" which was infamously the target of a federal dogfighting prosecution) has had a big impact on todays QBs in the same way Lee Harvey Oswald had a impact on the course of the Vietnam war. Now he's got his sights set on corrupting Big Ben and Little Russ. He makes me sick folks, and I want a QB whose more influential than influenzal.