clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Here's a crazy thing about Alex Smith that you haven't heard yet

This is unbelievable. Just a wild anomaly that I uncovered on my own.

John Rieger-USA TODAY Sports

We're required to remind you that these strong takes are SATIRE. Sorry, not sorry. All spelling errors are intentional, we think. -Ed.

Lost in all the second-guessing of the late-game decison making on Andy Reid's part is the fact that his quarterback Alex Smith hasn't thrown a touchdown to a Wide Receiver in a regular season game since December 8th, 2013 the year of our Lord. That is just a unbelevable statistic that I uncovered while doing some reasearch watching any television channel over the last 2 years.

You know who else stoped doing west coast offensive bombing attacks on December 8th? I couldnt tell if that big circular red round thing on the Chiefs sidelines was a damn Japanese flag or Andy Reid in a windbreaker. More like Emporer Hero-eato folks.

Maybe the Chiefs would of won last night if Smith had thrown a touchdown pass to a WR, which he hasnt done since week 14 of the 2013 regular season, instead of handing the ball to Jamaal Charles who was carrying the ball like a bag of cheddary dog poop all game.

People forget that the Kansas City Chiefs are in the middle of a Wide Receiver Touchdown drought that is such a strange streak that its a wonder so many people are forgetting it. Its amazing to just look around and see how much has changed since the last time Alex Smith threw a touchdown pass to a Wide Receiver with his small hands in late 2013. The world was a much different place back then: Donald Trump was still a national joke. People didnt trust Hillary Clinton. Joe Flacco was on the cusp of being a elite quarterback.

According to the first webpage that popped up on a google search of "how to find out how long ago things were," its been 649 days since December 8th 2013 when Alex Smith connected with Dwayne Bowe in the end zone for Smiths last touchdown pass completed to a Chiefs Wide Recever in a regular season game. Thats alot of days. Here are some of the things you could of done in between the last time Alex Smith threw a Touchdown pass to a Wide Receiver in a regular season game (December 8th, 2013) and today:

-- Gotten pregnant 3 times and your husband is pressuring you for a 4th

-- Commuted from Santa Monica to Orange county*

(*I just spent 2 days in LA so now Im a expert its like Im Rachel Dolezal but for living in SoCal so I get to make all the good jokes).

-- Assembled a standard bookshelf from Ikea

-- Said the "N word" in public as a white receiver and gotten completeley forgiven for it

-- Lost 5 federal court cases in regards to your applicaton of the NFLs disciplinary process

-- Renewd your registration once at the DMV am I right?

-- Not reppealed Obamacare even though I voted for you based on your promise that you would take away my insurance

-- Managed to convince yourself that Alex Smith is somehow good

-- Used up 63 3rd quarter timeouts

-- Still not found the damn plane

It truly is a amazing statistic that Alex Smith has not thrown a Touchdown pass in a regular season game since December 8th 2013.