Welcome to the second installment of Jonez on Jonez. Biggest story this week in the NFL was the clusterfuck that went on with the Giants and their handling, or lack thereof, of Josh Brown. The NFL doesn’t give a shit about domestic violence. Point blank period. And I wish they’d stop lying to us and feigning concern like they do.
I honestly have no idea how the Giants earned this “classy” label that’s been attributed to them, other than the fact that they let an old dude keep his head coaching job for four years too long and once cut a dude for shooting himself.
Pretty much every franchise in the NFL is trash, especially the teams in the NFL’s “flagship” division.
NYG:we're keepin our woman beatin kicker— Larry Beyince (@DragonflyJonez) October 21, 2016
DAL:we'll take that woman beatin DE
PHI:we're keepin our racist WR
WAS:we're keepin our racist name
After examining the Giants’ leadership, we should have known they were going to fuck this up. Ben McAdoo looks like the composite sketch of everyone who has committed a crime ever.
And his fucking name is Ben McAdoo. BENJAMIN MCADOO. Are we even sure this is a real person? This previous week has not inspired my faith in the investigative skills of the Giants, so that is a pertinent question.
Real person or not, all I know is if I had a shortbread cookie for a pet, I would definitely name it Benjamin McAdoo.
Disgusted w/how NYG handled Brown. But if youre relying on this Unabomber looking motherfucker to be a moral authority youre already fucked pic.twitter.com/049RWC5goi— Larry Beyince (@DragonflyJonez) October 23, 2016
Players all over the league weighed in on Brown. Steve Smith was one. Smitty by all accounts is a stand-up guy in regard to this topic. He has worked with and donated to charities that combat domestic violence. And well, we know the Ravens’ history when it comes to this.
Steve Smith is tearing the NFL a new one for not caring about domestic abuse. Ravens gotta be looking at him like pic.twitter.com/vCl2w5eZ98— Larry Beyince (@DragonflyJonez) October 20, 2016
More on this farce later, but for now, let’s get to the games.
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Chargers 33, Falcons 30
You've gotta do some deep soul searching and self reflection if the Chargers beat you in overtime.— Larry Beyince (@DragonflyJonez) October 23, 2016
The Falcons lost to the Chargers in overtime. If there’s any team in the NFL that could make the clown show San Diego Chargers look like cold-blooded closers, it would be the Atlanta Falcons.
If you still believe in the Falcons, just know that it’s coming. I don’t even have to say what “it” is. You already know.
Bengals 31, Browns 17
The Browns & their orange helmets play an away gm every year at the stadium named after their founder in a city that puts chili on spaghetti— Larry Beyince (@DragonflyJonez) October 23, 2016
Ohio is a strange place. Granted it’s the epicenter of the sports world right now, but have you seen that Yankee Doodle Dandy ass state flag? They have an NFL team named the Browns who wear orange helmets, and the most storied football team in that state is named after a poisonous chestnut.
I don’t understand anything about Ohio and this is why Bone Thugs-N-Harmony being the poet laureates of that state makes perfect sense.
With all of Cleveland’s recent success, this has to happen next right? Probably not though.
The way shit is going for Cleveland teams right now, this shitty Browns team is gonna win 2 gms and finally draft a franchise QB.— Larry Beyince (@DragonflyJonez) October 23, 2016
Lions 20, Washington Redacteds 17
Cousins wrapped a completion around a DE's head while falling to the ground then ran in a 20 yd TD because he's playing the Lions.— Larry Beyince (@DragonflyJonez) October 23, 2016
The Redacteds dropped a game to the Lions because no fucking way would the football gods allow this to be a game-winning sequence from Kirk Cousins of all people. Live by the derp, die by the derp.
Matthew Stafford responded by putting together a game-winning drive, but I still don’t really know if he’s good or not. One thing I do know is he has perhaps the roundest fucking face I’ve ever seen on a human in all my years on this planet. This motherfucker looks like a Wii character.
Patriots 27, Steelers 16
This will probably be the AFC Championship if Ben Roethlisberger’s Berenstain Bear-looking ass can stay healthy. Tom Brady, who used to be somewhat of a spaz at times, has calmed down a bit in his old age.
Brady doesn't even chew his guys out after drops. They probably just go home and see a For Sale sign in front of their house.— Larry Beyince (@DragonflyJonez) October 23, 2016
Also, Gronk is pretty damn good.
Gronk having 68 TDs in 85 games is absolutely insane. Those are HOF RB numbers. Emmitt is the TD leader for RBs. He had 71 after 77 games.— Larry Beyince (@DragonflyJonez) October 23, 2016
Here’s where I complain about football fields because I hate every fucking thing. This has always irked me. Always. I know that the Steelers share their field with Pitt, but that’s no excuse for this bullshit.
That [ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ ] Steelers end zone always annoyed me. No way in hell I should be able to type out how a NFL endzone looks. Grow up.— Larry Beyince (@DragonflyJonez) October 23, 2016
Very few things are worse than that bootlicking shit the Panthers pulled on their home field, though.
Man that's the most company man shit in the NFL. Panthers need to get some dignity about themselves. https://t.co/t2na4nUZic— Larry Beyince (@DragonflyJonez) October 23, 2016
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Back to the Josh Brown fiasco.
It’s just one more pebble dropped in the pitcher that’s about to overflow.
NFL's quality is dropping at the same time as anti-NFL sentiment is rising. This is a recipe for disaster.— Larry Beyince (@DragonflyJonez) October 21, 2016
To put it succinctly, we’re getting sick of the NFL’s shit. Plenty of us were always sick of the NFL’s shit, but with the quality of the product declining, lots of us are reaching our breaking point.
Any NFL fan possessing anything resembling a conscience has always been conflicted about supporting a league where injuries are commonplace, even rooted for and laughed at by opposing fans, and employees are callously discarded after turning their brains into clam chowder and their knee ligaments into Twizzlers in the name of carrying out the vision of employers who couldn’t give less of a shit about them.
We’ve also grown weary of Roger Goodell’s hypocrisy and insincerity. Goodell’s war on fun is not about integrity. It’s a pandering-ass ploy to ensure the NFL’s most lucrative fan base isn’t alienated from a league that by and large doesn’t look like or act like them.
The quality of the NFL product always outweighed the bullshit. A Super Bowl being decided late in the fourth quarter on the 1-yard line or a game-clinching run in a playoff game that caused seismic activity made up for everything. We were able to ignore the stench of the NFL’s bullshit after an unheard of wide receiver sprayed Lysol all over it by catching an improbable pass on his helmet to ruin a potential 19-0 season.
It’s like the NFL was a puppy who kept shitting in your house but gottdammit that was one adorable-ass puppy. The cutest little fucking puppy ever. Well that puppy is fully grown now. And it’s not adorable anymore. And it’s still shitting in your house. And its breath fucking stinks. And no matter how much you bathe it, it still smells like the Broncos vs. the Panthers in the Super Bowl.
Rule changes have contributed to the decline of the NFL’s quality as well and as much as we may loathe these changes, they are necessary precautions. The game is bigger, faster, and stronger than it’s ever been. As the players evolve, it would be dangerous and negligent for the rulebook not to evolve as well. When football was invented 150 years ago, everybody was Dustin Hoffman’s size. Offensive linemen were probably the size of George Costanza.
Football has always been a guilty pleasure. Rule changes, Goodell and his disingenuous agendas that insult our intelligence, and the plummeting quality of the game are all contributing to removing the pleasure aspect from that equation.
We’re still watching though.
Until next week, internet friends. As always, take care of yourself and don’t watch AFC South games.