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I am going to watch the Super Bowl

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Jon is going to watch the Super Bowl. Here's why.

Garrett Reid-USA TODAY Sports

1. I'm a big football fan

I've watched at least part of every Super Bowl since Super Bowl XXIII in 1989, when I was six. To boot, I've watched the last 20 Super Bowls in their entirety. I loved football as a kid, and my appreciation of the game has held strong over the years. Sure, my favorite team won't be playing, but so what? I always have a good time watching the Super Bowl.

2. Since I work for a sports website, it's important for me to follow along

If you think they pay me to sit around on my hump and watch God-knows-what, think again. I'm a writer for SB Nation, and needless to say, the Super Bowl will be a major component of our coverage in the days before and after the big game. I may not be a beat writer, or even an NFL columnist, but it's certainly in my best interests to follow along.

3. Everybody else is going to be watching, and I want to be a part of it

I'll probably try to watch the game with some of my friends -- hell, if there's an excuse for a good party, I'm in. As fun as the game is, the real fun comes from seeing it all unfold with my buddies. (Not to mention the food and drink that's a part of any Super Bowl party worth its salt!)

4. The broadcast is free

If you have a TV and your affairs with your local power company are in order, you've already paid the price of admission. I'll just flip over to CBS, and I'll be good to go.

5. Eggs are incredible

If you adhere to a vegan diet, are instructed otherwise by your doctor, or live with some manner of egg allergy, of course, eggs are a no-go. Those caveats aside, I think eggs are as close to the "perfect food" as we'll ever come up with. Consider the following:

  • They're cheap. A 12-egg carton commonly goes for under $1.50. Even if you spring for the more expensive varieties -- cage-free and whatnot -- you're still only paying about five bucks a dozen. That's only about 40 cents per egg. That's only slightly more expensive than a gumball out of the gumball machine.
  • They're very good for you. I'll leave the finer points to the nutritionists, but eggs are full of protein.
  • They're delicious. Wish I had a couple fried eggs in front of me right now, in fact!
  • They're convenient. Relative to other proteins, they tend to keep for quite a while in the fridge. You can fry an egg in two minutes. If you have even less time than that, just peel a hard-boiled egg for a quick snack!
  • They're one of the most versatile foods on earth. You can certainly get as fancy as you want with them. (Here's my eggs Benedict recipe, for one.) They can be fried, scrambled, boiled, or poached. You can cook the yolk all the way through or leave it runny, which adds a whole extra dimension to your dish. You can use them to make pastries, stir fries, or fried chicken. No matter how you do them up, if you cook on a regular basis, you'd be well-served to have some of those suckers on hand.

Other contenders on the shortlist for "perfect food" include avocados, broccoli, and blueberries. But if you ask me, eggs take the top spot. They're the total package.

6. I find stationary exercise difficult

This is a weakness of mine. In order to enjoy exercise, I've always either required some kind of competition, or needed to go fast on a bicycle. I've never had a weightlifting regimen or anything like that, because I get bored easily and I don't have any fortitude.

Unfortunately, the realities of living in the Northeast prohibit me from going on bike rides during a solid four months out of the year. I recently purchased a stationary exercise bike, just to make sure I still get some exercise in during the winter months, but I'll level with you: it's not easy. Pushing myself up a hill is one thing, but finding the motivation to ride to nowhere in the middle of my apartment is another. I'm trying to make the best of it by flipping on Netflix or playing a podcast while I'm on the bike. Hopefully, it's only a matter of sinking into a routine and getting used to it. For now, though, there's no way around it: while I'm appreciating the benefits of such a convenient workout routine, I'm just not having a whole lot of fun.

7. I wish I could pay Spotify for a $30 tier with a guarantee that the extra $20 would funnel directly to the artists

I'm always surprised to hear people with ample means tell me that they use Spotify regularly but don't want to give up the $10 for the premium tier. After all, remember what it was like 10 or 15 years ago? Personally, I would blow $50 a month on CDs, and I'd still only have those five CDs. Now, I get 90 percent of all the music I'd ever want to listen to for 10 bucks. It is, without question, the best 10 bucks I spend.

The truth is that even if Spotify charged 30 bucks a month, I would pay it. This dovetails nicely into the one concern I have with using the service: in a lot of cases, the artists receive an almost negligibly small amount of compensation. I'd like a voluntary tier that would let me hand over an extra $20, with the assurance that all of it would go directly into the musicians' pockets.

Suppose the new Deerhunter album accounted for 10 percent of my streaming in a given month. With this plan, they get two bucks out of me. If even 20,000 people out of the 75 million Spotify users subscribed to this tier and jammed on that album as much as I did, they get $40,000 that month.

This isn't altruism, this is about me feeling good.

8. Drop7 is the best game I have ever had on my phone

I bought it for like two bucks a year ago, and I still play it every day. It's an untimed puzzle game, meaning it's very easy to pick up, play for a minute, and put down. It also achieves the holy grail that every good puzzle game aspires to: its rules are easy to understand, but it's deceptively sophisticated. It looks kind of like Connect 4, and yet in game number 45 billion, I'm still discovering layers of depth. It's close to being the perfect game.

9. I think Louis CK's and Steve Buscemi's new show is really good

I watched Horace and Pete last night. A couple dozen characters have shuffled through the bar and the upstairs apartment, which are the show's only two rooms so far, and I'm still holding my breath for literally one non-white person. That aside, it's totally pulled me in.

Louie was kind of all over the place, and to a point I appreciated that, because I think there should be more art in the world that is unconcerned with any sort of message or purpose. Horace and Pete is chaos, but it's structured chaos. It's also a scripted, hour-long show released Saturday morning that references Donald Trump's boycott of the Republican primary debate, which happened on ... Thursday night, right?

Logistically, that is one hell of an achievement. I do believe that the relationship between "how hard something is to make" and "how good that thing is" is pretty tenuous and sometimes nonexistent. There are countless instances of lots of people working themselves to the bone for a very long time and ending up with brittle, fossilized crap. But when it does come together, I can certainly appreciate the craft behind it. I dunno. I don't want to oversell it too much, but I liked it.

9. Kanye's three-track sequence on My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is one of the best I have ever heard on an album

Kanye is an incredible musician and someone I wouldn't ever want to hang out with at all. I just put MBDTF back in my rotation. Listen through the 20 minutes made up by "Devil in a New Dress," "Runaway," and "Hell of a Life," and you feel like you just rode out a tornado. Parts of it offend me and parts of it aren't really "for" me. Like a tornado.

10. The Dollop is my favorite podcast

Two comedians sit around. One guy tells a story from American history that the other guy has never heard. The formula is simple and absolutely perfect, and the result is like stumbling around in the world's funniest museum. Several times, it's made me bust up laughing while walking down the street. Listen to a few episodes and you'll get the not-inaccurate impression that America is the dumbest place in the world.

11. Cam Newton's here

When I watch Cam Newton, it's like watching the star of a sci-fi movie play some sport that doesn't exist yet. In those movies, the star's just impossibly dominant at whatever futuristic skate-park hover-hockey he's playing. The rules of the sport are always left entirely unexplained, and all you're supposed to know is that this dude dominates it.

Whether or not Cam Newton is actually the best football player on Earth is sort of irrelevant to this point. He rockets passes through double coverage, he circles through the backfield like he's ripping donuts in a Viper, and he somersaults over fools while grinning like a senator at a groundbreaking. He wears a miles-long cape of sad, mad people who hate him.

12. Hey would you rather, for an entire year:

a) have to submit all financial transactions not only in cash, but in dollar-bill increments (meaning you're counting up $1 bills to pay your rent, you have to go to the electric company's office and count out ones, you can't subscribe to Netflix because they won't take cash, etc.)

or

b) have to wear a bright red superhero cape every time you're in public or in the company of other people? You can't wear anything over the cape. The cape is like 10 feet long, so it's always dragging on the ground behind you. Since it will get dirty, you will be given a new cape each day.