Despite Kanye West and Beyonce, Peyton Manning still wins with class

We're required to remind you that these strong takes are SATIRE. Sorry, not sorry. All spelling errors are intentional, we think. -- The editor.

The past couple weeks has been a fight for the soul of America. On one side you've got Peyton Manning, and on the otherside you've got Kanye West, Beyonce, and Cam Newton. Hopefully America still has a moral compass, one that still points to the true star Manning- a boy raised southeast, as opposed to North West.

While we should of all been paying attention to Mr. Mannings gracious winning ways, this weeks headlines have been all about Kanye West and Cam Newton acting like spoiled children. In fact, in Wests new song "Famous," you see alot of the same hubris as you saw in Cam Newtons treatment of the NFL media. In his new track, Kanye disses Taylor Swift by saying "I made that bitch famous" which is exactley how Newton treated football writers during the build-up and aftermath to Superbowl 50 by acting like we owe him something. Cam, I'ma let you finish, but you need to realize that it is us in the media that have built you up into the legend you are today, not the other way around. The fact that so many columns have been written about Newtons shamefull behavior and Kanye's disgusting attacks when there are so many positive thing's to say about Mannings humbless and honest-to-a-fault personalty is a indictment of modern-day journalism. Lets take time to remember that just because someone steals the mic dosent mean we have to transcribe it.

College Dropout Cam-ye Newton showed that hes got along way to go if he wants to be in the same genre as "The Sherriff" Peyton on and off the field. 'Scuse me Cam but Just because you were a late registration to three different schools dosent mean you have class. Manning on the other hand knows that Jesus Walks, and Satan runs a 4.5 forty yard dash. It took the good lord 7 days to create the earth, not 4 days of partying, 2 of reckless driving, and half a hour of film-study. And instead of having a celebration that champions drug use like the "dab"- Pyeton gracously celebrated his victory by talking about how much legal budweiser beer he was going to drink.

Not only do Kanye and Cam share a similar distaste for decorum, but they also share a unquenchable lust for Beyonce, which could be there ultimate downfall. You'll recall the last time we heard from Kanye, he was interupting Taylor Swift on stage to basicaly admit to America he was in love with Byonce, and he hasnt released a good song since. Likewise Cam Newton found himself distracted by Beyonce at the ultimate awards show, The Superbowl- when he should of been in the locker room making adjustments for the second half. Maybe Cam should of been more concened with getting to see a victory formation than a halftime formation.

And what does it say about a Superstar like Newton who worships a artist like Beyonce? She had backup dancers wearing afros and berets during her performence which is a tacit endorsement of things that I personally can find a reason to not like if I look hard enough. The halftime show at the Superbowl is not the time for political attacks. It makes me miss Kid Rocks wholesome 2004 performence of "Bawitdaba-" a song completeley devoid of drug use and crooked cop allusions. Instead of peeking through a  hole in the wall to watch Beyonce declare war on America in a tribute to Oakland,, Manning was listening to his coach, changing up some audibles, and waiting to pop in his "California Dreamin" tape for after the game was over- and it was time for the fat lady to sing.

And it was painfully obvous that Newtons post-game press conference hoodie-schtick was merely a effort to get Queen Bey's attention. We all know Beyonce has a thing for guys with troubled pasts who think that there icons but are in fact wildly overrated. Only difference between Cam Newton and Jay-Z is that one steals small computers and the other steals BIG's lyrics. Cam's performance that day was more like Lay-Z in my opinion- kind of hard to brush any dirt of your shoulder when you dont dive for a loose ball folks.

In contrast, when Peyton stepped up to the microphone you could allmost see him glancing over at Newtons podium waiting for the young man to finish interrupting him with his dramatic walk-out. But just like Taylor Swift bouncing back to win grammys, Peyton shook it off and refused to acknowledge any bad blood.

Cam was also born in 1989 folks, but right now I'm looking at the Panthers trophy case, and all I'm seeing is a blank space.