Coldplay. It sure is a band.
You might be extremely familiar with Coldplay's hits or you might just think the band sucks and openly wonder how you're going to endure watching a 10-plus-minute medley of some of its more popular tunes during Super Bowl 50's halftime show.
Regardless, the odds are, you're going to a Super Bowl party. Even if you don't particularly care for football (or the NFL), the event is essentially unrivaled in terms of get-togethers in the United States. With hundreds of other nations even getting in on the act regularly now, the festivities have become almost as much a part of Super Bowl Sunday as the game itself.
As you prepare to take in the game, what better way to celebrate your love (or distaste) for Coldplay than by alienating people who feel similarly and differently alike?
Here are 50 just abysmal Coldplay references to make you the MVP of your Super Bowl 50 party:
1. When there's a flag on the play, tell everyone, "And it was all 'Yellow'!"
2. If the training staff come out on the field to attend to an injured player, belt out, "And Iiiiiiiiiiiiii will 'Fix You.'"
3. After a lesser-known player makes a big play, insist his nickname is "The Scientist."
4. If the team you bet on goes down, especially big, start throwing your own feces around the living room/bar like you're one of the apes in the "Adventure of a Lifetime" music video.
5. When there's a delay of game, annoyingly sing "Closing walls and ticking 'Clocks'!"
6. If someone asks how a player on either team made a seemingly impossible play, confidently answer, "Magic."
7. If a fan or player is shown crying, proudly tell everyone, "Every Teardrop is a Waterfall."
8. If a player fumbles, chime in with "Looks like he elected to consciously uncouple -- with the football!"
9. If a player breaks away for a long gain or score, warble off-key, "GO FLYING AT THE 'SPEED OF SOUND!'"
10. If there's a bad hold, point out how much that's like Charlie Brown and the Coldplay song, "Charlie Brown."
11. During a review, astutely let everyone know, "Guess they're gonna ... 'Talk About It.'"
12. Inappropriately bring up everyone at your party's mortality, then close the conversation with "I don't want to follow 'Death And All of His Friends.'"
13. After the winning team starts to celebrate, "Guess they're going to Par-par-par-'Paradise' to celebrate, huh? Huh? Huh?"
14. When Riverboat Ron does something particularly gamble-y, start amelodically singing, "I used to roll the dice/Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes."
15. If the Santa Clara sky at night is shown in the postgame, inform everyone waiting for their Uber, "Wow. Just like the Coldplay song, 'A Sky Full of Stars.'"
16. When you get owned by all the people you've been alienating all night, reply "Whoa, you really put me ... 'In My Place.'"
17. If your hosts still haven't taken down their Christmas tree, tell them, "Might want to box up those 'Christmas Lights,' guys. You know. Like the Coldplay song 'Christmas Lights.'"
18. When a commercial for The Grammys on CBS is shown featuring Rihanna, sing Rihanna's entire part from "Princess of China" loudly and proudly.
19. If either team gets behind unexpectedly early, "Looks like they're really in ... 'Trouble.'"
20. Should the game run long, pipe up with "Is this thing gonna be over by 'Midnight' or what, folks?"
21. During any pause in conversation or a commercial break, go on a lengthy, extended rant about how you finally found your "True Love," especially right in front of a traumatized significant other if you brought them. Then explain you were only joking/citing the Coldplay song of the same name.
22. In the pregame warmups when they show either Peyton Manning or Cam Newton, say "Guess [the Broncos/Panthers] will 'See You Soon.'"
23. Confusingly tell fellow partygoers a non-sequitur story involving a "Strawberry Swing" just so you can inform everyone after how much you like the guitar riff in that one.
24. Compliment a member of the opposite sex's "Green Eyes," particularly if they have any other color of eyes. Also a good thing to do in front of a dismayed significant other.
25. During the climax of the halftime show, complain loudly that the band never released a "Life in Technicolor III" to complete trilogy after releasing a part I and II.
26. If the camera pans to a fan who is visibly cold in Levi's Stadium stands, jump in with "Talk about a 'Shiver.'"
27. When they show the famed Lombard Street, adamantly insist it's actually called "Violet Hill."
28. After a particularly close catch is ruled incomplete, explain "That's 'The Hardest Part.'"
29. Ask your friends which Coldplay song you haven't referenced yet. Then answer your own question: "Oh yeah, 'Always in My Head' is pretty good, I guess."
30. If one team falls behind early, reassure their fans by reminding them "Don't Panic.'"
31. Interrupt a key moment of the game by asking if everyone's seen the movie Unbroken and then ask if they know Coldplay wrote a song for the movie called "Miracles." They'll love it.
32. When it's clear which team will lose, say "Wow. Their championship hopes just went ... 'Up In Flames.'"
33. When the game clock reads "1:36," remind everyone that that was a Coldplay song.
34. When the ball is on the 42-yard line, remind everyone there's also a Coldplay song called "42."
35. If a partygoer incorrectly explains a call on the field, let them now "That's some 'Twisted Logic' you've got there."
36. When Mike Carey says something that couldn't be less right, agree with him vehemently and when the call goes against what you advocated for, say "Well I guess you can file that under 'Things I Don't Understand.'"
37. As the confetti rains down on the winning team, let everyone now "I guess they'll be sending 'Postcards from Far Away.' You know, as they celebrate their championship."
38. If a team plays better after one of its starters is sidelined with injury, inform everyone that it was a real "Major Minus."
39. Following a particularly painful hit, blow your friends' minds by letting them know "That hit really looks like it 'Hurts like Heaven', am I right?"
40. Continually request a "Glass of Water," and when you're brought water, explain you meant instead you wanted the party to play the Coldplay song of the same name.
41. If a quarterback throws a pick-six, proclaim "Everything's Not Lost," especially if everything is lost.
42. Talk about that time Coldplay had a song on the soundtrack for one of the Hunger Games films and then strongly advocate for a real-life hunger games.
43. Should Denver win, opine "I wonder if they'll go to celebrate in ... "Amsterdam." Heh, just kidding. Denver basically is Amsterdam. You know. Because of weed."
44. If the game proves particularly unwatchable, keep repeatedly letting everyone know what an "Amazing Day" it was anyway.
45. If Cam Newton is on the precipice of winning the MVP, cleverly point out "Talk about an 'Army of One.'"
46. Even though you already referenced it at least once, when the game reaches the final two-minute warning, let everyone know "'Clocks,' I mean really."
47. When Cam or Peyton smiles as his team celebrates, tell the television "God Put A Smile Upon Your Face."
48. When a ball falls incomplete, explain to everyone "just like a scientist, that that was the result of 'Gravity.'"
49. After the result is final, "I guess the [losing team] really ... 'Lost!'" as the entire party groans.
50. Blame your grating, absolutely garbage Coldplay puns on a visit to the "Poppyfields" pregame, and then fist pump and explain that was your 50th reference for Super Bowl 50.
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If you made it this far and you have any friends left at all, you did it. You really did it. And even though you've alienated all your peers, coworkers and loved ones, at least you still have Chris Martin and Co.'s seven albums to keep near and dear to your heart.