Well, shoot. I, uh, don't know how to tell you this, but the Cubs' 2016 magic is gone. They blew through it before April even started, and ... look, I told you to keep an eye on it. They were supposed to have tons of magic this year, and now it's all gone.
Jon Lester hit a home run on Wednesday, and that's it for Cubs magic this year, sorry.
An opposite-field home run. It was fun and the fans cheered, but now the realization sets in. That was it for the season, we all realize. That was the whole barrel of magic, dammit, Jon.
Lester had been 4-for-98 in his career, without an extra-base hit, and he set a major league record by starting his career with 66 consecutive hitless at-bats. He now has a home run. In the spring. And all it cost him was his soul and an entire season's worth of Cubs magic.
The Cubs have been saving five percent of their magic every season for a century, and they finally had enough to put a down payment on a championship this year. Now it's gone.
This is awful. I'm shaking.
I'm so, so sorry, Cubs fans.