With the 2016 NFL Draft just two weeks away, fans pretty much know everything about the big-name prospects from a football perspective. We know which players have visited with which teams. Forty times have been memorized. Every snap from a player's collegiate career has been dissected, even that early September game against Campbell -- the Fighting Camels! -- during his freshman year.
But what about insight into the players themselves? Do you want to know their deepest fears and greatest dreams and biggest regrets?
Well, that's kind of nosy of you! Let these young men have a little privacy, sheesh. So I can't help you there. Where I can help you, though, is by making up facts about some of the NFL hopefuls, none of which are even a little true (as far as I know):
Laremy Tunsil, OT, Ole Miss: His favorite movie is Urban Cowboy.
Jalen Ramsey, DB, Florida State: Modeled for JCPenney ads when he was a toddler.
Joey Bosa, DE, Ohio State: His parents named him after Joey from Friends.
Carson Wentz, QB, North Dakota State: At Thanksgiving dinner 12 years ago, he had a small piece of mashed potatoes stuck on his upper lip. His Uncle Jack has called him "booger lip" ever since.
Myles Jack, LB, UCLA: The day before Abe Vigoda died, he wondered "Is Abe Vigoda still alive?" Kind of thinks he's responsible for Abe Vigoda's death.
Jared Goff, QB, Cal: He wanted to be a dentist up until 11th grade.
Ezekiel Elliott, RB, Ohio State: Used to be terrified of Ursula from The Little Mermaid (still maybe, sorta is).
Sheldon Rankins, DT, Louisville: Overpronator. Not so much that he needs custom-made inserts, but if he wears shoes without much support, his feet WILL TELL HIM at the end of the day.
Vernon Hargreaves, CB, Florida: Thinks his girlfriend's birthday is May 15. It's May 14.
Ronnie Stanley, OT, Notre Dame: He's broken seven Xbox controllers playing FIFA ... no wait, he just gave up a goal in the 90th minute. Make that eight.
Shaq Lawson, DE, Clemson: Still has not heard the new Kanye album.
Paxton Lynch, QB, Memphis: In sixth grade, Josh McPherson once called him "Bill Paxton." Lynch didn't even really know who Bill Paxton was, but everyone laughed, so he waited three weeks to get his revenge, leaving a note in Josh's locker, disguised in loopy handwriting so he'd think it was from a girl, that said "you smell like a diaper." Josh didn't really smell like a diaper. Whenever he thinks about it, Lynch feels an overwhelming sense of guilt for any damage he may have caused to Josh's self-esteem throughout middle school and really, into adulthood.
Corey Coleman, WR, Baylor: Could really go for some SpaghettiOs right about now.
DeForest Buckner, DE, Oregon: Never remembers if Montpelier is the capital of Vermont or New Hampshire.
A'Shawn Robinson, DT, Alabama: Sports a small tattoo of Toucan Sam on his right arm.
Josh Doctson, WR, TCU: Took the Sorting Hat quiz on J.K. Rowling's website. Tells people he got Gryffindor, but he really got Ravenclaw.
Reggie Ragland, LB, Alabama: To be honest, he's a little sick of Steph Curry.
Eli Apple, CB, Ohio State: Last night, he got stuck in a three-hour Internet rabbit hole that started with Googling "Len Bias death" and eventually ended on the Wikipedia page for H.H. Holmes.
Jack Conklin, OT, Michigan State: Hasn't eaten a piece of fruit in three years.
William Jackson, CB, Houston: His aunt is Congresswoman Sheila Jackson-Lee.
Connor Cook, QB, Michigan State: His high school yearbook quote was "Let's Cook." Not because he was a big Breaking Bad fan (he's never seen an episode), but because his classmates used to say it to him all the time.
Laquon Treadwell, WR, Ole Miss: Team Captain America.
Will Fuller, WR, Notre Dame: Team Iron Man.
Darron Lee, LB, Ohio State: His very first crush was on the mom from Lizzie McGuire.
Derrick Henry, RB, Alabama: The song currently stuck in his head is "Lady Marmalade," the Christina Aguilera/Lil' Kim/Mya/Pink version.
Noah Spence, DE/OLB, Eastern Kentucky: Every time he opens a box of Cheez-Its, he eats the entire box in one sitting, even when he says, "I'm only going to eat a few." Every time! And yet, he still keeps buying Cheez-Its.
Mackensie Alexander, CB, Clemson: The first thing he's going to buy after getting drafted is Hamilton tickets.
Ryan Kelly, C, Alabama: Self-conscious about his geographic tongue.
Robert Nkemdiche, DT, Ole Miss: Nothing has ever so profoundly spoken to him like this Rilke quote: "Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."
Jarran Reed, DT, Alabama: His passcode is 3920 (also the last four digits of his SSN, in case you were wondering).
Cody Whitehair, G, Kansas State: Doesn't get the Crying Jordan meme at all.
Taylor Decker, OT, Ohio State: Will never not find the Crying Jordan meme funny.
Christian Hackenberg, QB, Penn State: The PSU football team's nutritionist once handed him a Clif bar and without thinking he said "Thanks, Mom." Both of them ignored it and pretended it never happened, but it was mortifying.