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Uncle Chaps' 2016 NFL mock draft

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What's going to happen in the first round of the 2016 NFL Draft on Thursday night? We asked the ultimate NFL insider for some answers.

1. Los Angeles Rams: Jared Goff, QB, Cal

You've read more think pieces about this than Beyonce's Lemonade. I'll save you some time here.

2. Philadelphia Eagles: Carson Wentz, QB, North Dakota State

The Eagles didn't make a terrible trade like they did to select a tackle. Wentz is the guy.

3. San Diego Chargers: Laremy Tunsil, OT, Southern Miss

San Diego drafts another lineman who will largely underwhelm.

4. Dallas Cowboys: Ezekiel Elliott, RB, Ohio State

Dallas still has a Top 3 offensive line. The ghost of Tony Romo will only be around for another two years. If any team is in win now mode, it's Dallas.

5. Jacksonville Jaguars: Jalen Ramsey, DB, Florida State

The Jaguars need athletic playmakers and Ramsey is the best athlete in the draft. Ramsey will get like seven interceptions for touchdowns with two of those coming in the AFC Championship game.

6. Baltimore Ravens: Myles Jack, LB, UCLA

The Ravens seem to always get one of the best players in the NFL Draft who falls, but sometimes they pick players with bad knees who scare the bejeezus out of the first five teams selecting in the draft.

7. San Francisco 49ers: DeForest Buckner, DE, Oregon

Surprisingly, Chip Kelly selects one of his old players. Be more predictable, Chip.

8. Cleveland Browns: Joey Bosa, DE, Ohio State

Cleveland makes the pick that ensures folks will be tweeting "The 49ers selected DeForest Buckner before Joey Bosa three crying emojis" in 2018.

9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Vernon Hargreaves, CB, Florida

The Bucs gotta do something about their defense. Vernon is OK, which is better than awful. Good pick.

10. New York Giants: Reggie Ragland, LB, Alabama

This pick is actually not good.

11. Chicago Bears: A’Shawn Robinson, DT, Alabama

One of the oldest teams in the NFL selects the guy who looks 42. Gotta respect that. Salute. One hundred emoji.

12. New Orleans Saints: Sheldon Rankins, DT, Louisville

Unless they can select Drew Brees taking a $10 million pay cut, it won't matter who the Saints pick.

13. Miami Dolphins: Ronnie Stanley, OT, Notre Dame

Somebody go ahead and photoshop crying Jordan on the Miami Dolphins logo.

14. Oakland Raiders: Leonard Floyd, OLB, Georgia

Jack Del Rio will make this guy a star. Don't look now, but the Raiders might actually be good.

15. Tennessee Titans: Jack Conklin, OT, Michigan State

As a Jaguars fan, this is the best possible scenario.

16. Detroit Lions: Noah Spence, OLB, Eastern Kentucky

Detroit took a chance with Ziggy Ansah a few years ago and will do the same with Noah Spence. He's going to end up as a top player in this draft, tbh.

17. Atlanta Falcons: Darron Lee, OLB, Ohio State

Atlanta picked bad player Vic Beasley last year, and will continue that trend with Darron Lee.

18. Indianapolis Colts: Shaq Lawson, DE, Clemson

The Colts selecting over-hyped players is right in their wheelhouse. Grigson is going to hate cutting Shaq in three years after he is inactive for their last eight games of 2018.

19. Buffalo BillsChris Jones, DT, Mississippi State

Remember when his junk fell out? I do.

20. New York Jets: Paxton Lynch, QB, Memphis

How much do the Jets love taking bad quarterbacks? They LOVE it.

21. Washington: Jarran Reed, DT, Alabama

Alabama doesn't have enough players in the first round and we are obligated to include at least four Tide players in every mock.

22. Houston Texans: Taylor Decker, OT, Ohio State

Gotta keep the World's Tallest Man upright.

23. Minnesota Vikings: Laquon Treadwell, WR, Ole

Treadwell has great range and will probably keep some of Bridgewater's awful passes from ending up 10 yards out of bounds. Maybe Teddy will finally surpass the 200-yard per game passing mark with Treadwell hauling in his ducks.

24. Cincinnati Bengals: Corey Coleman, WR, Baylor

Great pick by the Bengals. They wont GAF about Sanu leaving this offseason.

25. Pittsburgh Steelers: Mackensie Alexander, CB, Clemson

Steelers are excited about securing their mediocre secondary for years to come by selecting the drastically overrated Alexander.

26. Seattle Seahawks: Josh Doctson, WR TCU

Seattle is pretty good at drafting. Doctson the gawd.

27. Green Bay Packers: Vernon Butler, DT, Louisiana Tech

By selecting Butler, the Packers will be cleaning up. Get it?

28. Kansas City Chiefs: Eli Apple, CB, Ohio State

More like Eli Hewlett Packard.

29. Arizona Cardinals: Ryan Kelly, C, Alabama

Do people even read blurbs about centers? Come on.

30. Carolina Panthers: William Jackson, CB, Houston

There go the Panthers just drafting Josh Norman's replacement.

31. Denver Broncos: Christian Hackenberg, QB, Denver

Crying emojis.

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