Boston is pulling out all the stops to try and convince Kevin Durant to play for the Celtics. The welcome wagon consists of the team’s brass and Tom Brady — as well as Kelly Olynyk, Isaiah Thomas and Marcus Smart, who look like they’re being dragged around the Hampton’s like your mom took you around department stores when you were little.
Let’s try to work out Boston’s chances.
Durant likes Brady: +50 points
Man Tom Brady is like a perfect QB...seems like he never makes any mistakes— Kevin Durant (@KDTrey5) September 12, 2011
But he likes Aaron Rodgers more: -25 points
Aaron Rodgers still the best QB in the league— Kevin Durant (@KDTrey5) October 28, 2013
Durant appreciates Rob Gronkowski’s moves: +25 points
Gronk got the best TD dances ever lmao— Kevin Durant (@KDTrey5) October 28, 2012
But he didn’t look too happy last time he was playing in Boston in 2012: -25 points
This is really close. The metrics we have show this to be a toss up. There needs to be a tiebreaker. It’s clear Durant likes Boston athletes, even if he wasn’t super happy playing in the TD Garden last time.
Sometimes you have to follow your gut. Food will be the great equalizer to decide this one. Kevin Durant LOVES Sonic, so let’s check the map.
Ouch. That’s a pretty long drive to get a Coney Dog and a slush. That’s -100 points.
Final score: 125.
500+: Definitely going
250-499: Likely going
100-249: Maybe going
0-99: Probably not doing.
-1: Definitely not going.