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Team USA can win handball gold in 2020 by recruiting your favorite mobile quarterbacks

Okay I don't know much about handball. I watch it once every four years. It's a game that involves players passing a ball around with their hands (but not dribbling it) and trying to throw it into an opposing team's net (not hoop). Here is a video:

What I do know about handball, beyond the basics, is that the USA doesn't seem to be the best at it so obviously something is wrong with the game. Or we just aren't approaching it properly.

So many incredible athletes have played quarterback at the college level and had their careers fizzle out once they reached the NFL. Is it because they're no longer great athletes? Of course not. It's because what they do well doesn't always translate at the next level. Well I have the solution for the USA's handball problem and for the "them not getting to do sports anymore" problem.

Here is my suggestion for the USA's 2020 handball team.

  • Vince Young (team captain)
  • Johnny Manziel
  • Jeremiah Masoli
  • Tim Tebow
  • Pat White
  • Michael Vick
  • Jake Locker
  • Reggie McNeal
  • Nick Marshall
  • Cam Newton (he doesn't need to practice so just let him play football all year then show up)
You might be thinking "Hey idiot you forgot these guys wouldn't be good at playing goalkeeper and would let in a ton of goals." Well, first of all, who cares as long as we score more than them? But also, no I didn't forget.

  • Gronk