YO, GET THIS: Jane Skinner Goodell, the wife of NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, has been fighting Twitter battles for her husband under the alias @forargument and the name “Jones smith,” The Wall Street Journal reported on Thursday. Jane Goodell hosted a daytime show on Fox News until 2010, when she left to spend more time with her family.
First of all, let me just say, that Twitter handle is brilliant. I’m a little bummed I didn’t think of it for my burner accounts. @LeaveCharAlone69696 doesn’t pack the same punch as the eloquent elegance of @forargument, which doesn’t appear to exist anymore, but routinely spoke up in defense of Goodell on the worst social media site in the world:
“The premise of your article is silly,” @forargument tweeted on Oct. 3 at the Journal after an article about disagreement among league owners over handling of the anthem protests. “What board of directors in this country would all agree on this issue?”
“Why is everyone so immature? (including you?),” @forargument scolded Journal columnist Jason Gay in August.
(Gotta hand it to her: “Why is everyone so immature (including you?)” is a low-key savage burn.)
When approached by the WSJ, Jane said:
“It was a REALLY silly thing to do and done out of frustration—and love.” Mrs. Goodell said Thursday afternoon in a written statement. “As a former media member, I’m always bothered when the coverage doesn’t provide a complete and accurate picture of a story. I’m also a wife and a mom. I have always passionately defended the hard-working guy I love—and I always will. I just may not use Twitter to do so in the future!”
Hey, we’ve all been there. This story would’ve been way more endearing if Goodell weren’t doing such trash things as the commissioner of the National Football League. BUT, if you focus on Jane Goodell for a second, you have to admit that what she’s doing is really the highest expression of love in our robotic, digital age.
I’m not joking. Forget: “Do you think you want kids?” The one question I will ask dates from now on is: “Do you think you would fight battles in my Twitter mentions for me using a burner account devoted to defending my honor? WILL YOU BATTLE THE TROLLS FOR ME?”
When it comes to ~*~*~BREAKING NEWS*~*~, the only kind that doesn’t make me want to walk slowly into the ocean these days involves fake Twitter accounts from people in the sports world. First, we had Kevin Durant, who was fighting with detractors in his mentions on Twitter and Instagram under multiple aliases, including @quiresultan. Now we have Roger Goodell’s wife, who appeared to think to herself: “What’s the most generic name? Jones? Smith? Screw it, I’ll go with both.”
Honestly, I kind of get it. I wrote when the KD news broke that I understand the basic human impulse that Kevin Durant was giving into. It was very lame and completely natural, on some level. This case is a little bit better because it isn’t Goodell himself, but it’s still ... I don’t know, I guess the worst part of the whole thing is that @forargument only followed 46 accounts on Twitter, and they were so lame: Taylor Swift, Ryan Seacrest, and @FemaleTexts, as well as “four accounts connected to the high school attended by the Goodells’ twin daughters.”
Whatever, man. Maybe love is real. I just didn’t expect Roger Goodell to be a part of the story that convinced me it might be.