Chuck Pagano didn’t seem to want to talk about the actual Colts during his Monday press conference. Instead, he gave some stream-of-consciousness answers about the movie Groundhog Day and meteorology.
Both of those topics are more pleasant than the 3-8 Colts, who dropped a 20-16 loss to the Titans on Sunday.
The Colts have blown six halftime leads this year, including against the Titans. Pagano was asked if this situation is starting to feel like Groundhog Day. His answer was a doozy.
There’s a lot to unpack here, so let’s just take it from the top:
He started by singing Sonny and Cher as an homage to the movie.
Every morning when Bill Murray wakes up in Groundhog Day, his alarm clock plays the same song. Pagano treated reporters to a little performance of it.
“Yeah, that song, we woke up to that this morning. Is that Sonny and Cher? I’ve got you, babe. I’ve got you, babe,” Pagano sang.
And then he walked everyone through the entire plot of Groundhog Day.
“I went down and got my coffee, said hello to what’s-her-name, the gal in the coffee shop. Stole the money out of the back of the truck, drove my truck into the tar pit or whatever — off the landfill. Jumped off a building. Lived through it.”
Hopefully you’ve seen Groundhog Day, the classic starring Bill Murray. If you haven’t, you’re probably more than a little worried about Pagano’s well-being right now.
Next, Pagano wanted to talk about the weather, with a feminist twist.
He led by asking NBC Indy’s sports director, Dave Calabro, about meteorologists he knows. But he didn’t just assume they were all going to be guys.
“Who’s the best dude down there doing weather,” Pagano said. “Or dudette?”
Pagano used storms as a metaphor for the Colts.
Pagano explained how storms work as a parallel to what he’s facing with the Colts as the season winds down.
"It's everybody. It's you guys, it's the fans, it's everybody driving up there, it's everybody in the NFL community,” Pagano said. “There's a storm in the Atlantic — hurricane, whatever you want to call it. Winds are going to hit landfall.
“It's coming, it's third quarter, middle of the third, it's getting late third, they're up 10, it's gotta happen sometime. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy right now."
The Colts are just two games away from tying the record for the most blown leads in a single season.
But he also left us with the actual life wisdom.
“You spend so much time on Twitter,” Pagano said. “You’re not enjoying the better things in life.”
Pagano’s seat is getting warmer with every loss. And the Colts still have three tough division games against the Jaguars, Titans, and Texans on the schedule. If the Colts do move on from him after the season, Pagano may have a future as a movie reviewer or a meteorologist.