Welcome to Trash Or Nawl, a weekly column to help you weed through the Internet Muck. To do that, I’ll be breaking it down to a helpful binary: Is something trash? Or nawl? Topics here will involve sports and whatever else the hell I say is sports or sports adjacent. I’ll do my best to make sense of what's going on each week, but the thing to remember is no matter what I say, most of these things are still trash.
You might say this is simplistic, and hell yeah it is. This is how I make sense of the chaos. Professional grade hating restores power to my powerless stupid fan hands. I give a middle finger because I've given up clapping.
Trash or Nawl criteria: We will pick a topic. We will breakdown why it is or why it isn't trash. You can agree, you can comment, or tweet your disagreements. Or we can fight. Really, it's up to you.
White Folks: Them Kaepernick Costumes Were Buns
Ay, breh, listen. I’m all for that annual Halloween racism where the whites use blackface to supplement that good ol deep down racism in their bodies, but if y’all gonna do it, put some gusto into it, damn. If not, y’all can go back to handing out turkey instead of candy.
Exhibit A, ya mans Yung South Dakota:
It’s the colleges abs schools that choose not to enrol these racist individuals, like Cole Paulson a recent victory pic.twitter.com/OkGW6xOtDS— Huey (@Huey93281944) November 1, 2017
Shoutout to my guy, Cole, for rockin the “You Blacks Can Find Another Country” 4s on his feet as opposed to some crispy New Balances. My mans couldn’t even get a Kaepernick jersey? Ain’t no Sports Authorities out in Eagle Butte? The mid sellin in South Dakota but not Nike?
Also who is sellin y’all these blackface products? Y’all looking less like a minstrel and more like a muffin. Stop rubbing that Pillsbury “Rich & Creamy” chocolate cake frosting on your temples, beloved.
Anyway, Yung Cole had to hit these apologies because Twitter got too hot for him, and, of course, you gotta know he didn’t know he was being racist because how could putting chocolate milk on your face to pretend to be a black person be any form of racist.
“I will be completely honest and tell you I was ignorant to the fact as to painting my face like that was racist,” he said. “It was in no way my intention to offend the African-American community, and I have read many articles and documents since to educate myself on why it was wrong of me to do what I did. … I was contacted almost immediately about how it was wrong and proceeded to wash it off before I went anywhere. I wholeheartedly apologize as I feel horrible about my ignorance and offending many people I respect.”
Outside of doing the trendy thing of hatin’ on dope black people, I just don’t understand this apology. White folks, by and large, have the best access to education of anybody else and can’t grasp by age 18 that hittin the Uncle Ruckus, reverse vitiligo move is still dumb as all fucks. You don’t have to read Baldwin to know rubbing crushed up Milky Ways on your face is stupid.
Next year, if you really wanna get it hot & spicy and offend “the blacks” just dress up as the police.
Lol This What You Drafted Lonzo for?
The future of backpack rapping, Lambos and ugly ass jumpers — Lonzo Ball — left up a goose egg in the score column last night while playing 28 minutes. As a starter. Smh.
**paging Pastor Stephen A. Smith**
Lonzo Ball had 0 points, 3 rebounds & 4 assist pic.twitter.com/gNgfJ45vzj— Royal Highness (@FlawdazFinest86) November 3, 2017
Wait and he only took two shots? As a starter? Smh.
“Lonzo Ball impacts the game in so many ways”— Tuddy Snacks (@_cliffnotez) November 3, 2017
Lonzo Ball stats: 0 points 3 Rebounds 4 assist
I’m not mad at Lonzo for being trash at basketball for one night in what will be a long career. I’m just here for the jokes because Lakers fans tried the great city of Philadelphia, which has three future all-stars — players so great they couldn’t fathom putting up a zero.
It could never be my team. But Los Angeles had an “all the franchises in this city are losers this week” hangover so, naturally, it had to come to the man who is selling America hope in the form of $600 K-Swiss knockoffs. If Tom Brady can sell avocados that cure arthritis and Deer Park with another label on it, Lonzo can sell $1200 Keds.
But these jokes finna fly when you play like a JV guard.
Verdict on Lonzo: Trash
Verdict on Laissez-Faire: LITTY
Carlos Correa Won It All
A World Series and a wife. Say no more, fam.
Also, this is the biggest flex in the entire world. He beat Los Angeles then gave her a rock the size of the Hollywood sign. **sends off 500 flex bombs**
Verdict: Not Trash. Win young man. Win.
If you disagree with these verdicts, comment below. As stated earlier, you can agree, comment, tweet through your frustration, or fight. Really, it’s up to you.