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Baseball is over because Aaron Judge murdered it

Rest in peace, baseball.

Toronto Blue Jays v New York Yankees Photo by Rich Schultz/Getty Images

I did not wake up today expecting to write about a spring training home run. Do you remember the first spring training homer from last year? You do not. No one cared by the next morning, and too much “HERE’S THE FIRST HOMER OF SPRING” is bad for your health.

This damned homer, though.

This damned homer.

Start with Aaron Judge, who eats granite and juggles bears. He is a large, large man — one of the few players in baseball who deserves to be mentioned in the same sentence as Giancarlo Stanton. When he hits a baseball hard, that baseball is retired from being a baseball, and it becomes a pulpy lump of cork and despair instead.

But focus on that sound. That sound. That’s not some sort of post-production effect that YES added in. That’s the sound of Ragnarok, and it’s coming for Elniery Garcia, so he’d better take cover, and, whoops, too late, the Phillies’ 40-man roster now has 39 players on it.

You are right to ignore most spring training homers. You should not ignore this spring training homer. Aaron Judge isn’t a household name yet, but we should pay attention when he murders baseballs. It is just about as fun as the sport gets.