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Jonez on Jonez: The Falcons rose up to a new level of failure

#RiseUp doesn’t mean anything but Falconing definitely does.

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Atlanta Falcons offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan gets focused before Super Bowl LI Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

Dragonfly Jonez is a full time tweeter, a part time podcaster and an aficionado of spicy Popeye’s drumsticks who will be offering NFL commentary this season.

Twenty-five points. Twenty. Five. Points. In the Super Bowl. A 25-point lead. In the Super Bowl. Erased. Biggest comeback in Super Bowl history. First Super Bowl game ever to go to overtime. Thirty-one unanswered points. Just when the Falcons looked like they weren’t going to go Falcons, the Falcons went Falcons in the most record-shattering Falcons way.

We’ve all seen some Falcon ass shit in our day but this? This? This was a new level of Falconing. I have no idea what that #RiseUp hashtag even really means but it definitely could apply to how the Falcons keep raising the bar when it comes to innovative and excruciating ways to blow games.

Thought losing on a pick two was unprecedented? That’s light work for the Falcons. There had never been a comeback of 11 points or greater in Super Bowl history. The Falcons doubled that margin up and threw a field goal on top just for good measure. The Falcons wanted to ensure that no one would ever out-Falcon them for this most dubious Falcons stat. Atlanta saved their absolute worst for the biggest possible stage. It’s the Falcons way.

There are a lot of extremely Falconsy stats that put in perspective how Falconsy of a choke job this was but I think this one perfectly encapsulates everything.

Blowing a 25-point lead in the Super Bowl? Horrendous. A first-and-10 on New England’s 22 up eight with 4:40 left in the game that ultimately culminated in a punt from the 45? Atrocious. Edelman snagging a pass in triple coverage centimeters before it hit the ground after it rolled off of a Falcon’s foot? Unbelievable. A pass interference that put New England on your 2 for the Super Bowl winning score? Dreadful. But playing the only five-quarter game in Super Bowl history and never trailing until losing the game on the final whistle? That’s as Falconsy as it gets.

Also, notice how no one is discussing how we need to revamp the NFL’s overtime rules? I definitely think that they need an overhaul and need to at least do away with sudden death in the postseason. I, and countless others, voiced this last postseason after that Packer-Cardinals game. None of us give a damn about the merit of overtime in regards to this game though. Because it’s the Falcons. We’re all pretty much sick of their shit. Not a damn soul is going to take up a battle for a team that blew a 25-point lead in the Super Bowl. Tough shit, Falcons. Shouldn’t have Falconed this one off.

This Falcons collapse was a team effort. There’s definitely one person who can be singled out here to bear the brunt of the blame, however. I’ve got four words for you. Kyle. Shan. A. Han.

After going up 28-3, the Falcons ran the ball five times. Five. Devonta Freeman had 71 yards off of six carries and a rushing touchdown at the end of the first half. He finished the game with 11 total carries and 75 total yards.

Not taking anything away from the Pats’ defense. They clamped the hell up. Kyle damn sure made it easy for them with his horrendous second half playcalling however. Julio was only targeted four times. He caught all four. The Falcons had six drives in the second half. They scored a touchdown once, punted four times and lost a fumble, Ryan’s fumble. In the shotgun. On third-and-1.

A lot of coaches and coordinators suffer from the need to prove that they’re the smartest guy in the room. Sticking to conventional play calling, no matter how effective, isn’t viewed as innovative enough in their eyes. This often leads to disastrous results. As a Washington fan, I can tell you that Kyle suffers from an extremely acute case of this. And it proved to be Kyle’s undoing, as it often does. Have fun with that, Niners fans!

While this was a vintage Falcons choke job, it was also a vintage Patriots win.

I know you’re probably thinking “Yeah but … he isn’t …” Well, his last name is White so that’s close enough. James White set the Super Bowl reception record with 14 receptions for a total of 110 yards. He finished with two receiving touchdowns, a two point conversion, and the game winning rushing touchdown. Brady himself said White should have won MVP and far be it for me to argue with Brady. He’s just a positive guy!

But the most surprising thing in all of this was that all of this wasn’t surprising.

I tweeted this on August 4, 2016. Sometimes things come full circle like this.

Joe Buck said this in the 2nd quarter. None of us were sold.

This was what was going through all of our minds after the Falcons punted on the first possession of the second half.

We all expected Atlanta to blow this. This is who the Falcons are. They are quite often a good team. At times, they are a really good team. But they are always a team that is never good enough. That is a special hell to be in.

This is a loss that will haunt Falcons fans forever. But time will pass. Hearts will mend. The 2017 season will start. In the opening ceremonies of Optimus Prime Asshole Stadium, the Falcons will raise that NFC Championship banner, emblematic of the Falcons’ patented meteoric rises and disastrous finishes, to uproarious (but possibly canned) applause. Because this year … this year is the year.

#RiseUp. Whatever the hell that means.

Until next time, internet friends.