Raptors fans cheer wildly for free pizza they were never going to receive

At Toronto Raptors home games, fans receive one slice of free pizza if the team scores 100 points in a game. Thursday was a disappointment for the basketball-playing squad, which lost big to the Thunder — but with the score 123-99, fans thought they had one last chance to salvage their evening.

God bless Fred VanVleet.

BUT WAIT — I have heartbreaking news. The promotion only counts during wins. All the fans desperate for their free pie must not have realized that wrinkle.

Still, I think VanVleet thought he was shooting for complementary slices. I refuse to accept a reality where he launched that shot without the thought, “I’m gonna hit this bucket for the pizza,” swirling through his mind. With that sort of pressure on the line, you can imagine VanVleet must have been nervous. Maybe he was sweating a little bit. Still, he buried it — and he thought he got Toronto their free slice of pizza. Well, as long as it’s cheese or pepperoni.

If you’re doubting me, don’t act like the players don’t know. Last game, the Raptors barely cracked the free pizza mark once against, blowing out the Mavericks in a 100-78 win. It produced this quote.

“I might head to Pizza Pizza after,” Norman Powell told Raptors HQ. “Yeah, I felt the energy when I was at the free-throw line, about getting the free throws to get 100. That’s the most important thing, not only to make the fans happy. That’s double — we get a win and they get free pizza.”

Unfortunately, there weren’t any happy pizza quotes in the locker room after this one, and all those long-suffering Raptors fans who stuck around for it must have been awfully disappointed. Still, we respect their hustle.

Also, one more thing: can we talk about how the place sponsoring this promotion is called Pizza Pizza? Seriously: Pizza Pizza? How much better would the United States be if we just called everything by its name, twice. Taco Taco. Haircut Haircut. New York Symphony Orchestra New York Symphony Orchestra. I’m telling you — this has potential.

May the Raptors Raptors win free pizza every time hereafter.