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Alexei Ramirez's Krispy Kreme doughnut-mayonnaise sandwich is life-changing

It was incredible!

The moon landing. Jonas Salk inventing a cure for polio. Nuclear fission. These are moments indelibly linked to forwarding the human condition. Achievement so vast they change the course of history and make us think about the world a little differently. I experienced that today, sitting at my desk, with a camera pointed at my face. Putting mayonnaise between doughnuts changed me.

According to a report from the Chicago Tribune, GM Rick Hahn said former White Sox shortstop Alexei Ramirez used to enjoy two Krispy Kreme doughnuts with mayonnaise in the middle as a pregame snack.

“When we had his debut in Cleveland, his major league debut, he pre-gamed with two Krispy Kremes with mayonnaise in between,” Hahn said. “He put them together and enjoyed that for his pregame meal.”

We needed to test this ... with science.

The Krispy Kreme doughnuts were purchased fresh, from a Krispy Kreme store where the “Hot Now” light was on. The mayonnaise was regular-ass Hellmann’s which the bottle boasts “now uses cage-free eggs,” so good for them I guess.

My initial thought was that this was going to be awful. Mayo is simply there to be a food lube, that’s its role — and doughnuts don’t traditionally need help avoiding being dry, especially when they’re fresh. My feeling was that this was going to be a greasier, messier doughnut experience that offered nothing new to the culinary landscape. How wrong I was.

This was a symphony of perfection. There are times I find a regular Krispy Kreme doughnut to be too sweet — let alone two eaten at the same time. The mayonnaise rounds out the harsh sweetness with a welcome salty element, with just a little hint of a vinegar tang.

The doughnuts were better. Elevated. Putting mayo on them legitimately made this dish better than I even hoped. It was incredible, and if I had no self-respect I would eat it again. Seriously, I know there are mayonnaise haters out there, and it’s cool — chase your bliss — but if you enjoy these two things, then you HAVE to put them together, at least once.

This is too good for the world to be deprived of. Thank you, Alexei Ramirez.