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Kyle Seager hit a Rangers fan in the beans with his game-winning home run

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This means we should grade it. For future generations.

Texas Rangers v Seattle Mariners Photo by Stephen Brashear/Getty Images

If you want to know how the Rangers’ season is going so far, we have a metaphor. It’s going like this:

That’s a game-winning homer off the bat of Kyle Seager and off the beans of Prince Fielder, if I’m reading the personalized jersey correctly. It looks like the home run made him sick to his stomach. Also, literally sick to his stomach.

As we detailed last week, SB Nation has devised the BEANS Rating™ to help us grade these occurrences. It’s a scale from 1 to 10, but it’s effectively a scale from 1 to 8, because the 9s and 10s will require hospitalization, which isn’t funny.

How does this one rank?

The screenshot shows him in a classic oh-no-mah-beans pose:

But upon closer inspection, he appears to be smiling and more interested in what happened to the ball:

Or vomiting. One of those two. But I’m pretty sure he’s taking a second to compose himself while looking for the ball, so it can’t have been too bad.

Here’s what saved him: The ball hit him in the hands, first:

And then it was slowed down even more by his billowing jersey:

Back, and to the beans. Back, and to the beans. Back, and ...

As such, it’s hard to give this a BEANS Rating™ higher than a 4. It looked promising, but the contact didn’t look as solid as it originally appeared. That’s good for Prince Fielder there, but it’s bad for your ghoulish GIF-sharing ways.

As a metaphor, though, it’s a pretty solid 6 or 7. Stay hot, Rangers.