David Ortiz isn’t coming back. Let’s just get that out of the way.
But wouldn’t it be fun if he did?
I ... look, that’s not the point. He retired. He’s found every shrine in Breath of the Wild, and he’s watched every episode of John from Cincinnati. But there’s still so much left to do. He’s not coming back, and it’s irresponsible for anyone to suggest as much.
Irresponsible and funny.
Big Papi is working out, and I know he is in baseball shape, and the @RedSox could use a bit of his bat.— Pedro Martinez (@45PedroMartinez) June 6, 2017
Would he have to give back the surfboard in the shape of Steve Garvey that the Padres gave him? Would he have to give back the gift certificate to Sbarro he got from the Yankees? There’s so much about this that doesn’t make sense.
And is that even a rumor? It’s just Pedro spitballin’, really. “Hey, my large baseball friend can still play baseball and hit baseballs, baseball fans.” There’s nothing about it that reads like informed speculation.
On the other hand ...
... there is precedent.
So I, for one, am choosing to believe that this is a rumor. Of all the dramatic things I have ever seen, this would rank about 8,374th. But it would be fun. And the takes would be even better.