If you’re not on Twitter all day, trapped by the constant psyche-chewing hurricane of current events and bad opinions, this might be hard to follow, but I’ll try. On Twitter, there are brands. Some of these brands are cheeky. Of these cheeky brands, the Wendy’s brand is one of the cheekiest.
I’m still paying student loans because I went to college to write about stuff like this.
Anyway, so someone on Twitter who appreciated the cheekiness of the Oakland Athletics official account wanted to know who would win in a Brand War. And the A’s, being cheeky, decided to play along:
Harmless! Get it? Because Wendy’s is food. Which can be eaten for lunch.
But then Wendy’s started swinging a little low:
At least your lunch would be a win.— Wendy's (@Wendys) June 7, 2017
Going straight to the part where the baseball team is struggling seems like it’s against the unwritten rules of Brand Wars. The A’s decided to stop being polite and start being real.
You might say that things started getting a little .............. frosty:
One thing we have in common: we both give people runs.— #Voteland 5 x Daily (@Athletics) June 7, 2017
Wendy’s, glassy-eyed and wobbling, attempted to rescue its brand:
When the team Twitter account just says, "Yeah, we let the other team score on us."— Wendy's (@Wendys) June 7, 2017
And it looked like the fight was over, and it was just going to be pushing and shoving around the mound:
That reply was more square than your burger patties.— #Voteland 5 x Daily (@Athletics) June 7, 2017
Back to nice, polite brand-jousting. But Wendy’s couldn’t ... let ... it ... go:
Now if you could just stop giving the Jays runs...— Wendy's (@Wendys) June 7, 2017
They themselves on a brand tee and handed a brand driver to a brand they were sparring with. Which allowed the A’s to wind up, and ...
RIGHT BACK TO THE DIARRHEA JOKES. This is a lesson for the Wendy’s Twitter account. It’s at a disadvantage when someone starts with the diarrhea jokes. Stay away from the diarrhea jokes. Disengage.
And that’s the story of the Great Apostrophe Brand War of 2017. You are now dumber, but the headline alone was worth it.
When your business is ground beef produced in mass quantities, there are certain words you should avoid using in your Brand Wars. The A’s taught everyone an important lesson, and Wendy’s should be grateful.