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Which NFL players would make the best cartoon characters?

Let’s take the NFL on a trip to Toontown.

Da-dum, Da-dum, Da da da da dum,
Life is like a hurricane ...

And just like that, you’re now singing the DuckTales theme song — and will be all day week (woo-oo!). But you’re not even mad. Thirty years after the OG DuckTales premiered, that theme has never faded from our pop culture consciousness. Plus, it’s a straight up banger.

Now a new generation will get its own version and a chance to fall in love with the adventures of Scrooge McDuck and Co.

The NFL is basically Scrooge McDuck, or about as much as a real life American sports league can be an obscenely wealthy cartoon duck with a Scottish brogue that doesn’t wear pants.

As “Italian chef kiss” as Roger Goodell gleefully swan-diving into his riches is, he isn’t the only person in the NFL who could be a cartoon. The players themselves would make pretty awesome cartoon characters, too.

Here are a few of our choices worthy of a little trip to Toontown:

Mike Glennon - Stinky from Hey Arnold!

You know what really bites? Glennon’s 0.0 passer rating in the Bears’ first preseason game.

The resemblance is uncanny.

Martellus Bennett - Super Mario

Marty B is a huge fan of cartoons. The amateur animator started his own company, the Imagination Agency, which dabbles in cartoons. He’s chatted on YouTube with his adorable 3-year-old daughter about those beloved Saturday staples: cartoons and cereal. Ranking his favorite cartoons ever would be an all-day affair. But when it comes to his favorite character, the choice was easy:

Sure, Mario is famously a video game protagonist, but he’s still been in a number of cartoons throughout his 36-year life.

Cam Newton - Superman

Superman is everything: Comic book. Cartoon. The subject of the Scrubs theme song. The star of about a gazillion shows and movies. An American icon.

Cam Newton is the Panthers’ Superman. Heck, it’s even a nickname.

Cam’s everyday wardrobe is, let’s say, more eclectic than Clark Kent’s. But he’s got the pose down cold.

DeAndre Hopkins - The Roadrunner

The NBA has Space Jam. The NFL doesn’t have any kind of equivalent.

Earlier this offseason, DeAndre Hopkins showed up to a practice with Looney Toons cleats, so let’s assume he’s a fan.

He’s a quiet, speedy competitor who runs circles around opposing secondaries trying to catch him. Nuk Hopkins as the Roadrunner fits perfectly.

Odell Beckham Jr. - The Joker

Who else in Gotham boasts that hair, that smile, and that showmanship, all in one package?

J.J. Watt - He-Man

Ripped, wholesome-looking dude who likes to run around without his shirt on? Prince Adam’s alter ego and J.J. Watt both fit that description.

Jay Cutler - Mr. Krabs from SpongeBob SquarePants

Similar to the Mr. Krabs meme, Cutler was confused when he woke up Tuesday morning before his first practice with the Dolphins.

Mostly we’re glad Cutler is back because he’s the most memeable player in the whole league. For his sake, let’s hope the Dolphins don’t demand their $10 million back this season.

Dak Prescott - The Futurama leg mutant

Thanks to DirecTV, we now know Dak’s origin story:

We don’t think Dak Prescott is a product of the sewers, though.

Russell Wilson - Mr. Peanutbutter from BoJack Horseman

The Seahawks quarterback and BoJack’s frenemy both share a joie de vivre approach to life that, perhaps, borders on naive. You can’t help but think some of it is a facade, though, and underneath, there are more layers:

Good dog

We already know the Seahawks and retrievers are an unbeatable combination, too.

Tom Brady - Tom Brady on The Simpsons

This one was easy, since like every other extremely famous athlete of the last three decades, Brady has already guest starred on The Simpsons:


And just like The Simpsons, Brady’s NFL career will outlive us all.