Rapid reviews of all 30 MLB 'Players Weekend' caps

Major League Baseball and the Major League Baseball Players’ Association have collaborated on something called “Players Weekend,” which runs from Aug. 25 through Aug. 27 and features brightly colored uniforms and caps. Players will have the option to put their nickname on the back of their jersey.

I was very much prepared to laugh at this, but then I saw Kyle Seager’s uniform.

And that makes up for absolutely any crime against fashion or tradition. I am in. Chase Utley’s is a delight, too.

Excellent. There are a lot of dandy names that we’ll have to unpack in a separate post. I’m guessing the idea is to make the uniforms bright and fun, and the nicknames are included so you can really get a sense of the players’ personalities.

Mm-hmm. I can sure get a sense of their personalities with those names, and that’s not even sarcasm. That’s the honest truth. But focus on the good nicknames.

Along with the uniforms, every team will have hats. Because it’s unlikely that you’ll pony up $200 for one of those uniforms, the hats are probably the most important change to you, the consumer. I have quick thoughts on those hats.

Creative and classic. Bold use of yellow. This is a strong alternate hat.

Looks like someone spent five seconds in Photoshop.

Not a fan.

When you’re secretly jealous of the Marlins, and now’s your chance to shine.

The baby blue actually works better with the cutesy mascot. I’ve always imagined that logo saying something like, “Hey, you took my wasbewwies,” in a super cute voice, and it’s just the most adorable thing.

More like tripping baseballs.

Not hideous, and I guess the butter-colored hats are an homage to the Wisconsin dairy industry.

I appreciate the Pirates’ commitment to this creepy logo, which was first seen on the back of matchbooks in ads for art schools.

I think my least favorite genre are the hats that are basically the same with a tiny change to the base color. This is a Blue Jays hat, just a different blue. They should get it over with and just run through the list.

Another pet peeve of mine is when a team has a color in the team name, and then has a uniform without that color.

Classic and pleasant, even if the people buying it will have to hear “want that D” jokes forever.

CARDINALS EMPLOYEE: All right, time to close this sucker down and start my vacation.

CARDINALS EMPLOYEE: Leaving work for a weeklong vacation is maybe the best feeling in the world.

CARDINALS EMPLOYEE: Yellowstone, here I come.

[sees Post-It note reading “DON’T FORGET ABOUT PLAYERS WEEKEND CAPS”]

CARDINALS EMPLOYEE: OH F

Still a bad prison tattoo. Unless it’s a temporary tattoo that your kid can get from a vending machine in front of the supermarket.

The bell looks a little like a “T,” which makes it combine with the blue to look like a Rangers hat, which is throwing me off.

Just imagine all the hours spent on that hat.

AHHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Solid, though I think the crown over the logo was best deployed last year.

Maybe my favorite one. Classic and a perfect use of the colors available to them.

More like the Seattle Rayiners.

Boring, but harmless.

Of all the teams that are forced to use wacky colors, the Red Sox bug me the most. That color seems too forced for one of the most classic franchises in baseball. You know the Yankees aren’t going to sully their class brand with neon silliness.

Right?

Right.

That’s actually a surprisingly effective combination. I like it.

If you peel away the rest of the hat, can you see the rest of the logo? Feels like this gets an incomplete.

The Giants’ orange was different in the ‘70s. I can’t vouch for this version. It’s super orange, and I’m starting to think that orange is a very bad color for a sports team. I live a life of contradictions.

The official cap of the Phenix City War Sticks, pride of the Gulf Ball League.

On one hand, when one of your team colors is purple, own that color. Don’t run away from it.

On the other hand, what kind of rejected Zack Morris outfit did this belong to and what is the market for it?

On brand. Wonder if they could make the “M” a little bigger, though.

Still a comic book panel, but I still like it. Tampa did well with these.

It’s still amusing to think that the bird is wearing this hat with a picture of a bird wearing this hat, and it goes all the way into the center of the universe. It’s birds wearing hats, all the way down.

STEVE: Actually, what I’m thinking is

ED: Steve, don’t even start.

STEVE: So, it’s Chief Wahoo, right? But the edges of the logo are glowing.

ED: Steve, c’mon.

STEVE: His eyes are glowing.

ED: Steve.

STEVE: And his eyes are different colors, like Max Scherzer’s.

ED: Steve, just go with the block C and let’s go home.

STEVE: And his tongue is out, like a Gene Simmons face.

ED: STEVE DAMMIT GO HOME.

Winners: A’s, Astros, Padres, Rays, Marlins, Dodgers, and Cubs. Maybe a couple of others.

Now go be a good baseball fan and buy some hats, will you?