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The FBI now has a college sports snitching hotline. Pity whoever has to answer that phone.

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This phone line is gonna be bombarded by calls the FBI will likely have little use for.

NCAA Football: Rice at Florida Atlantic
“Hello, FBI, I’d like to report the other team has copied our mascot”
Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

The federal government’s newly announced investigation into college basketball coaches and other figures sliding money around now has a public tip line:

If you know college sports, you’re immediately thinking what I’m thinking: That hotline is going to be absolutely barreled over by sports fans who are eager to finally sic somebody on their rivals, whether it’s “RELEVANT” or has anything to do with basketball or not.

“911, what’s my emergency? Bama’s cheatin’, that’s what.”

Everyone on College Sports Twitter had the same thought, delivered in various ways:

The NCAA can probably give the FBI a heads up on what’s inbound ...

... but the NCAA probably isn’t feeling like giving the FBI a heads up on anything, seeing as the FBI says it didn’t tip off the college sports governing body about this investigation until it went public. (That was probably the right idea, of course, since the NCAA has no actual subpoena power and would’ve likely just gotten in the way of whatever it is the FBI’s seeking to accomplish.)

Anyway, hope the FBI likes listening to message board rants about generous used car lots!