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The federal government’s newly announced investigation into college basketball coaches and other figures sliding money around now has a public tip line:
NEW: FBI and U.S. Attorney's Office establishes special phone number for information RELEVANT to NCAA investigation, 212-384-2135. https://t.co/1lFKOybrBx
— Tom Winter (@Tom_Winter) September 26, 2017
If you know college sports, you’re immediately thinking what I’m thinking: That hotline is going to be absolutely barreled over by sports fans who are eager to finally sic somebody on their rivals, whether it’s “RELEVANT” or has anything to do with basketball or not.
“911, what’s my emergency? Bama’s cheatin’, that’s what.”
Everyone on College Sports Twitter had the same thought, delivered in various ways:
The FBI has no idea what it has wrought by inviting the crazy. https://t.co/d88tyvog4f
— Roll Bama Roll (@rollbamaroll) September 26, 2017
“Sir, this number is in regards to the college basketball scandal only”
— Jack Jorgensen (@JackJorgensen14) September 26, 2017
“I’m tellin’ ya’ll he cheatin’! Can’t have that many good RBs"
listen, me getting drunk and yelling “COACH CAL CHEATIN” over and over is relevant https://t.co/8jIj3ncztX
— Ryan Nanni (@celebrityhottub) September 26, 2017
gonna have boosters from different schools snitchin on each other, this is gonna get wild https://t.co/RchJsz5uHo
— Robby Kalland (@RKalland) September 26, 2017
All kinda coaches bout to be snitching to this joint smhhhhh lol https://t.co/kyLpAxG7Ah
— Menace To Society (@Phade2Black_10) September 26, 2017
i would pay so many American dollars to be able to listen in on this in real time https://t.co/oqeRABEIRI
— Whitney McIntosh (@WhitneyM02) September 26, 2017
"BARN BEEN CHEATIN Y'ALL"
— will (@firewillheath) September 26, 2017
"Sir, this is an Arby's drive thru" https://t.co/NPfCSSkW8G
#EggBowlTwitter got itself a new toy y'all. https://t.co/sbxRMkfVWu
— Hugh Kellenberger (@HKellenbergerCL) September 26, 2017
I'm sure Packpride has a phone tree, this info was sent to all posters mins ago. They blowing up that line w/ fake info. https://t.co/nc4jRcgJfM
— Heather (@Furrville2) September 26, 2017
Receptionist: "Sir, you have 57 callers waiting."
— Gary Marbry (@nuggetpalooza) September 26, 2017
FBI: "From who?"
Receptionist: "56 are from Raleigh. 1 from Lexington." https://t.co/2g6oMVcSip
"Uh, hi, this is Mike from Chapel Hill. First time, long time, thanks for the vine. Anyhoo... are you familiar with a college named Duke?" https://t.co/hhI20x0u0B
— Rex Kramer® (@RexDangerSeeker) September 26, 2017
"Hell, I can't spell it. He just goes by Coach K." https://t.co/98lFPgwoLt pic.twitter.com/65BD6YMM8v
— College Hoops Digest (@NCAAhoopsdigest) September 26, 2017
Welp looks like my afternoon is booked...I'll be anonymously reporting ever big 12 school for violations https://t.co/0bFqQD2vS8
— Thomas Howard (@TO_Howard) September 26, 2017
LMFAOOOO
— El Capitan de Cognac (@TheTruthpick) September 26, 2017
"I was at Chipotle and (player) from (rival team) got guac, AND IT WASN'T EXTRA" is going to be the majority of these calls https://t.co/ye2B0ZKcBi
I called to report Pitt but they said "1-3 and almost lost to Youngstown St, they ain't cheating" and hung up.https://t.co/0rR6BpNbf1
— Kevin Rudy (@Rudybegga32) September 26, 2017
thousands of Aggies clogging the FBI hotlines to report how little they care about the Longhorns
— Chuck (@ChuckGBH) September 26, 2017
no you're going to blow up this tip line when fouls are 27-0 at the phoghttps://t.co/29l5i3XsfL
— The Hooting Musket (@SmokingMusket) September 26, 2017
"Hi I'd like to report information on two badly missed pass interference calls/no-calls in the 2014 TCU-Baylor game" https://t.co/JEPCqE3Bok
— Grant McGalliard (@grantmcgalliard) September 26, 2017
I left several voice mails detailing traveling violations I noticed were not called https://t.co/c28spg2qGx
— uɐɯssnS ʇʇɐW (@suss2hyphens) September 26, 2017
"Sir, we've been through this. There's a difference between chopping and cutting." https://t.co/GUFnkz8W5d
— Emily (@sportsbroad) September 26, 2017
Me - 'Hello, FBI? Yes, any school who has ever beaten Michigan was definitely cheating, especially louisville'.
— Zwick-uhl (@dzwickl) September 26, 2017
FBI - 'yes, we know' https://t.co/3BuNJ5Riyz
1-800-PAAAWWWLLLL https://t.co/JPMD3C9yKc
— [Escort 69] (@BunkiePerkins) September 26, 2017
this is gonna be like an october monday episode of finebaum except with subpoena power https://t.co/PVsm0Esb4s
— J.R. Lind (@jrlind) September 26, 2017
"Sir, I don't know who Paaaawl is, but I assure you that pass interference is not within the FBI's jurisdiction." https://t.co/PEDlPCL1p2
— Bryan Mac (@Bry_Mac) September 26, 2017
"Now, our whole family's Bama fans ROLL TIDE, but cousin Ray-Ray just ain't never been right, and he's a Barner and he told me that..." https://t.co/NFQM3lJsSf
— VineyardDawg (@vineyarddawg) September 26, 2017
Call #1 - #Georgia Football
— Gator Content from (@OurTwoBits) September 26, 2017
Call #2 - #FSU Football
Call #3 - The #Vols, nevermind..fine with their performance
Call #4 - #Bama Football https://t.co/5mCPI27UER
Some Tennessee fans I know are probably calling and reporting Butch Jones. https://t.co/7f5vXLs5bg
— Alex Kent (@alexwkent) September 26, 2017
I'll take "Jobs you could not possibly pay me enough money to do" for $1,000, Alex. https://t.co/4yptpvYuHi
— OurDailyBears (@OurDailyBears) September 26, 2017
every major college basketball fanbase now is (or probably should be) sweating bullets. https://t.co/1LQRpwxvzw
— Chris B. Brown (@smartfootball) September 26, 2017
Stephen F Austin now the favorite to win the tourney with the field down to 16. https://t.co/qty9vAaBwG
— Tellito (@TellStevens) September 26, 2017
"Yeah, hi. You guys ever notice UCONN, Washington, Northern Illinois AND Northeastern are all the Huskies? Yeah? Oh, okay. Take care then." https://t.co/d4qoIA4AtG
— Mike Beauvais (@MikeBeauvais) September 26, 2017
The NCAA can probably give the FBI a heads up on what’s inbound ...
The NCAA has an entire office for this (the development team). They receive a lot of interesting messages https://t.co/NlPR8JK4Ps
— Steven Godfrey (@38Godfrey) September 26, 2017
... but the NCAA probably isn’t feeling like giving the FBI a heads up on anything, seeing as the FBI says it didn’t tip off the college sports governing body about this investigation until it went public. (That was probably the right idea, of course, since the NCAA has no actual subpoena power and would’ve likely just gotten in the way of whatever it is the FBI’s seeking to accomplish.)