We live in divided times. It seems like you can’t even check the social media these days without finding something that makes you angry. Connecting with people all over the world means there’s always something to argue about, at all times of the day.
As such, it’s a shame that people disagree about the controversial fan interference call in Game 4 of the ALCS that took a home run away from Jose Altuve. Red Sox and Astros fans are very angry about this. It might be the difference in a trip to the World Series.
We don’t need this discord and strife.
Let us to come together on something that we can all agree on, then. Red Sox fans, Astros fans, please, put aside your differences and acknowledge that umpire Joe West is very bad.
Yes, good, you’re nodding your head. We can hold hands if you want to or — OK, never mind. I’m just saying we could have. Anyway, this is something that does not divide us. This is something that should be acknowledge, and our shared pain shall make us see the humanity in each other.
Here’s a brief recap of what happened: Altuve hit a home run that Mookie Betts tried to rob. While Betts’ glove was on the other side of the fence, a fan hit the glove, and no catch was made. West, because he is bad, glorgeled out beyond the infield and made a motion that the fan interfered, even though there is absolutely no way West could have determined if Betts’ glove was on the other side of the fence. He just sort of guessed.
And do you know what West is going to do when he gets back to his hotel? He’s going to nestle into his bed, get under the covers, and not give a shit. He will sleep the sleep of newborn kittens, plowing right through the night without a care in the world. Because he doesn’t have a care in the world. He’s Joe West.
The rest of us, though, do care, and we shouldn’t be surprised that West is a topic of discussion during a postseason game. He likes attention more than most umpires. This is one of the reasons he’s known as “Cowboy Joe West,” along with him being a huge Cowboys fan who is just tickled that Troy Aikman is calling baseball games with Joe Buck in the NLCS and the World Series.
Here he is, seeking attention:
Here he is, seeking more attention:
Now, should you make adjustments because you also don’t like Joe Maddon and Madison Bumgarner? Uh, probably. But West is a notorious dink.
West doesn’t care if you don’t like how he umpires. That’s the whole bit. He does his thing, and he goes home, comforted by the fact that he is probably better than a replacement level umpire from Triple-A, and also comforted by the fact that he is physically incapable of caring what you or anybody else thinks of him. Man, how I wish I had that superpower. West has it, and I’m extremely jealous.
West has that power, and he uses it for evil.
Well, baseball evil. It’s way, way down on the scale. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t have fun at his expense. So, please, Astros fans, Red Sox fans, beggars, millionaires — come together and join hands. The difference in the AL pennant might have something to do with Joe West, and we can all agree that’s bad because Joe West is bad.
Don’t worry, he’s not going anywhere. He’s immortal and enduring, and I can almost appreciate that. He will be making these calls forever, and that’s OK.
That’s OK because he unites us in these troubled times.