The Buffalo Bills stink. Every year there’s an NFL team — usually the Browns — that we joke about the Alabama Crimson Tide being able to beat. This year, the Bills are the team we’d like to think Tua Tagovailoa could rip on.
There are some atrocious lows through 10 weeks of football for the Bills. Oddly enough, there’s also been some kind of impressive high points too. Nothing that’s going to make you forget they’re composed of 95 percent bad football, but some things that just aren’t entirely terrible.
Let’s run through it all from this weird and bad football team.
There’s just about everything the Peter Man has done.
Nathan Peterman started the season as the Bills’ starting quarterback after they traded Tyrod Taylor to the Cleveland Browns. It was a funny move, considering Peterman had an all-timer of a first career start by throwing five interceptions in just 14 pass attempts in Week 11 last season.
This season, it’s been much of the same for the Peter Man. But first, let’s acknowledge this hilarious and somehow totally serious pump-up video of the Peter Man the Bills made before Week 1:
That’s honestly funnier than when the Bills tweeted out the graphic that placed the Minnesota Vikings somewhere around Madison, Wisconsin. As if the Peter Man could ignite anything but laughter in opposing teams.
The Peter Man has four appearances this season. His opening week start was a 5-of-18 performance for 24 yards and two picks. He didn’t make it out for halftime, as is typical for one of his starts.
In Week 6, he came in for an injured Josh Allen and threw a hilarious game-sealing pick-six, after seeming for even just a moment like he might be able to handle the Texans:
And yet in his last start in Week 9, he managed to complete his first game from start to finish!
He still threw three picks, though.
Their win against the Vikings in Week 3 was some kind of miracle
This is still the most shocking win this NFL season. The Bills got their shit rocked against the Ravens in Week 1, 47-3. In Week 2, they were down 28-6 at halftime against the Chargers before losing 31-20. So going into Week 3, they had already given us plenty to laugh about.
And then they went out and did EVERYTHING to the Vikings. Allen actually had a solid performance with 196 passing yards and a touchdown. He even had 39 yards and two touchdowns on the ground.
He even hurdled Anthony Barr:
The Bills were 16.5-point underdogs going into the game. Beating the Vikings wasn’t surprising just because they looked like doo doo the first couple of weeks. It was historically rare:
Teams who were underdogs of 15 points or more since 1990 were 4-91 before today. Had never won a game outright by more than seven points. Bills are up by 27 heading into the fourth quarter.— Bill Barnwell (@billbarnwell) September 23, 2018
Anything can happen on Sundays.
They held the Patriots to no TDs after thee quarters on Monday Night Football
Anything can happen on Mondays too, apparently. Because in the Patriots-Bills Week 8 Monday Night Football matchup, the Bills didn’t allow a touchdown until 9:58 left in the fourth quarter when James White punched one in at the goal line.
For whatever reason, the Bills (no matter how bad) have been the one team that’s able to get under the Patriots’ skin like this in recent memory:
0 Patriots TD through 3 quarters - Last 3 Instances— ESPN Stats & Info (@ESPNStatsInfo) October 30, 2018
Tonight at Bills
2016 Week 4 vs Bills (Brissett started)
2014 Week 17 vs Bills (Brady only played 1st half)
I’m sure Buffalo would trade those games for a Super Bowl.
Beating the snot out of the Jets is still surprising
The Bills beating the Jets outright isn’t surprising. Both of these teams have been win-column filler for the Patriots the past 15 years. But 41-10? That was unexpected.
A couple of things stand out from this one.
Offensive lineman Dion Dawkins’ touchdown
While the Bills were up 17-0, they called on offensive tackle Dion Dawkins to start racking up style points in their blowout win:
They did this with eight minutes left in the first half. That’s one heckuva flex. The sad part, however, is the company that the touchdown put him in:
OL Dion Dawkins caught a TD for the Bills today.— ESPN Stats & Info (@ESPNStatsInfo) November 11, 2018
He is now tied for the team lead in Rec TD... pic.twitter.com/5QpJC0xdYv
Zay Jones would end up getting a touchdown later in the game, so he’s officially the team’s leader in receiving touchdowns.
This seems like a good opportunity to remind you all this was also a thing:
#Bills Josh Allen just asked Kelvin Benjamin if he wanted to work on routes pregame during warm ups.— Jenna Cottrell (@JennaCottrell) October 14, 2018
Kelvin’s answer: No
Matt Barkley came out of NOWHERE
Matt Barkley didn’t play during the 2017 season. He went 679 days between passes thrown in an NFL game. And all he did was come out, and put on one of the best performances by a Bills quarterback this season and cook the Jets. Being the Bills’ best quarterback this season isn’t some incredible accomplishment, but after doing everything but football for 679 days, it’s still amazing.
Barkley had 232 yards and two touchdowns with 15 completions on 25 pass attempts. He eclipsed the Peter Man pretty quickly too, though that’s not some daunting task:
Peterman failed to reach 100 yards passing in eight of the nine games he has played. Barkley over 100 in first quarter— Sal Maiorana (@salmaiorana) November 11, 2018
Including Sunday’s game, Barkley is 2-5 in his career as a starter. He’s completed just under 60 percent of his passes, thrown for 2,143 yards, 10 touchdowns, and 18 interceptions. That same person might be their best hope the rest of the season.
OK, this one isn’t weird for the Bills, but a Bills list isn’t complete without a sex toy on the field
Behold, the NFL’s only tradition:
Bad throw but we have our first dildo. pic.twitter.com/NE3PaDZojY— Ross Tucker (@RossTuckerNFL) October 30, 2018
We still have seven more weeks of Buffalo Bills football. There’s no doubt things can get dumber.