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Mickey Rooney, old Biff Tannen, and 15 other people we think the Brandi Chastain plaque looks like

We’re ... so sorry, Ms. Chastain. Really.

The Bay Area Sports Hall of Fame did a hell of a thing this week. It managed to create a bronze likeness of soccer star Brandi Chastain so impressively inaccurate it sparked debate not over Chastain’s bonafides as a tremendous athlete, but which old, rich, white guy wound up on her plaque instead:

On the right, Ms. Chastain. On the left, the piece of art currently preventing her from aging

The creature immortalized in the plaque is clearly not the U.S. soccer star. So who is it, exactly? After a long debate, SB Nation writers and editors came up with a list of potential candidates.

Number one child star of 1939 and 1940 (spanning two decades!), Mickey Rooney — Jenn Holmes

Old Biff Tannen from Back to the Future — Sam Eggleston

Wet, seemingly toothless Pete Carroll — Morgan Moriarty

Drag racing superstar John Force — Joe Lanek

Rob by-god Ryan (and, by extension, his brother Rex) — Ryan Van Bibber

“A racist farmer from a movie that I can’t think of played by a character actor I can’t think of” — Whitney McIntosh


John Madden — Grant Brisbee

Radio host Mike Francesa (hoooo, boy, this one is uncomfortably close) — Richard Johnson

Washington State head football coach and pirate enthusiast Mike LeachBrian Floyd

Local insurance salesman-looking former Florida head football coach Jim McElwain — Morgan Moriarty, Spencer Hall

Which naturally led to this ...

Robert Redford, specifically from The Sting — Ryan Nanni

Ol’ Tater Salad himself, comedian Ron White — Brian Floyd

Former Michigan head coach Brady Hoke — Pete Volk

Legendary pro wrestling manager and commentator Bobby “the Brain” Heenan — Jason Kirk

An aging Nick Nolte — multiple people

An aging Jon Voight — multiple people

A still-kinda-with-it Gary Busey — Christian D’Andrea

Needless to say, if the comparison points for your plaque of one of the most celebrated female athletes of her generation is nothing but old men, something went wrong.

Horribly, horribly wrong.