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Which sports mascot do you trust the least?

And why?

MLB: Pittsburgh Pirates at Philadelphia Phillies Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

This week gave us just a glimpse of the wide-ranging personalities mascots can bring to sports. During the World Cup, Japan’s ennui-filled frog mascot chronicled his sightseeing adventures around Russia. It was incredibly engrossing, even if we felt sorry for poor Ippei-kun.

Then on the other spectrum, the Phillie Phanatic injured a fan by hitting her in the face with a hot dog.

Luckily, the woman was not seriously injured — and she said it was totally fine to laugh about the incident. But if you ever had suspicions about Mr. Phanatic, he only confirmed your worst fears.

And surely you have — the Phillie Phanatic has been sued more than any other mascot and he looks like he’s wearing a suit made of all the muppets he killed. But he’s not the only mascot that give us the wiggins. Here are the ones we wouldn’t let near us, especially if they were equipped with a giant hot dog cannon.

Blue, the Colts’ horse (?) mascot

Reason No. 1:

He claims to be a horse, but have you ever seen a blue horse? Or a horse that looks like a distant cousin of Sulley from Monsters Inc? Or a horse that probably murdered an air dancer and then stuffed its arms up his nostrils like a trophy?

nostrils
RIP, Inflatable Tube Man

Reason No. 2:

Enjoys humping the air waaaaay too much, made even more disturbing by the look in his eyes that’s devoid of any emotion whatsoever:

Get outta there, Lamar Miller!

Reason No. 3:

His anger management issues run from mustache-twirling villainous (shoving kids!) to hilariously vengeful (knocking Pat Patriot around).

Whether he’s just mischievous or full-on sociopathic, my advice is to never turn your back on Blue — and stay at least 50 feet away so he can’t thrust in your personal space.

Sarah Hardy

Orbit

Dude, Orbit. What the hell.

(Update: It was an ostrich, but its face was turned the other direction. Sorry for the confusion.)

Grant Brisbee

Big Red

I love Big Red, and it’s cool that Big Red self-identifies as Big Red and nothing other than Big Red, but I’m not going anywhere near Big Red.

NCAA Football: Boca Raton Bowl-Memphis vs Western Kentucky Jasen Vinlove-USA TODAY Sports

Jason Kirk

Providence Friar

Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

Look at that face, but not for too long lest you lose all semblance of who you are as you spiral into self doubt and your soul leaves your body. The expression of despair never changes, and you could not pay me to go within 10 feet of that horrible monster.

Caroline Darney

Pierre the Pelican

We can all agree that King Cake Baby is the creepiest mascot in the NBA. The Pelicans really locked that title down the first time he it stepped foot on the court. But what I’m here to posit is that King Cake Baby has made us all blind to the intense creepiness of their other, every day mascot: Pierre the Pelican.

Not even the original Pierre, which was truly the stuff of Stephen King novels. But this new one too.

NBA: Indiana Pacers at New Orleans Pelicans Derick E. Hingle-USA TODAY Sports

Doesn’t his beak just seem a little too big? His eyes a little too dark still? His fists a little too clenched? What are you hiding, Pierre? Behind this less creep version of yourself. I don’t trust him. There’s something unsettling here and King Cake Baby is just taking the attention away from who we should really be skeptical about.

— Whitney McIntosh

Jazz Bear, the Utah Jazz mascot

Ok it literally picked up a child one time and threw it over his shoulder and walked down the sideline of a game while it was live.

Matt Ellentuck

The Oregon Duck

As a former mascot — my career has officially been declassified — I was always in awe of the sheer amount of pushups The Duck would complete during games. Chip Kelly’s offense used to put up 60 points every Saturday. As Spencer Hall reported a few years back, The Duck did 179 pushups one Saturday. That’s bonkers.

But underneath his glory, I knew there was something about The Duck that was suspicious. It turns out, back in 2007, The Duck got in a huge fight with the Houston Cougars mascot, Shasta.

Never trust a mascot that body slams another mascot. Period.

Isaac Chipps

Saint Louis Billiken

Why would I trust the frat Voldemort of sports mascots?

Nope. Absolutely not.

Adam Stites

The Wichita State Shocker

NCAA Basketball: South Dakota State at Wichita State Peter G. Aiken-USA TODAY Sports

He’s got the hair of a sociopath and the outfit of a 1950s workout guru.

— Christian D’Andrea

Harry the Hawk

I’m in first grade. We’re in P.E. He’s on a unicycle, and falls right on six-year-old me.

Dwight Howard Hosts: DIARY OF A WIMPY KID: THE LONG HAUL
Stop doing that shit breh
Photo by Paras Griffin/Getty Images for D12 Foundation

Simple as that, can’t trust him.

— Harry Lyles Jr.

Demon Deacon

I mean, my guy’s got “Demon” as a qualifier in his name. Right off the bat, not a great look. And like the Providence Friar above, his soulless, black eyes, oversized chin and smug face suggest something sinister bubbling just underneath the surface. In fact, he’s always kind of reminded me of someone with similar qualities...

Ryan Simmons

So which mascot do you not trust? Which one haunts your dreams? Which one do you think DEFINITELY has a collection of fingers stashed in a nondescript box under his bed? Let us know in the comments — if you’re not too scared.