In the interest of full disclosure, I would like to point out that I am not a well-versed soccer (or “football”) fan, so it’s possible that I will mess up some of the terminology in this post. However, I was watching the World Cup match, and English soccer man Kyle Walker blocked a shot with his bollocks. It was both successful and painful.
As you can see, No. 4 on the Croatian side kicks the soccer ball, and rather than use his hands to deflect the ball — expressly against the tournament rules — Walker is forced to use nothing but his jumblies to parry that proper missile. His next few seconds were spent writhing on the ground with a bit of a dicky tum, as one would expect.
What happened next was inspiring: As play continued, Croatia got the ball back in the danger zone, and Walker rose from the dead to clear the ball. What a danged hero.
When it comes to the BEANS™ rating we’ve developed at SB Nation, we’ll give this one a right 6. It took Walker down, but he made a corking play shortly after, so it was right in the sweet spot between glancing and devastating, which means we can enjoy it without guilt.
Someone should have told me sooner how awesome this sport is.