So what if you got the chance to pull a Lasorda? It could be a mascot you think deserves some humbling — looking at you, Mr. Met. Maybe it’s one you think would make for a good battle.
Which mascot do you want to fight?
These are our picks
Here are a few mascots that are about to catch these hands:
The Stanford tree
Once upon a time at an Anaheim Ducks game, my brother — who was about 10 at the time — sorted a giant bag of Skittles into a bowl so that he could eat only the flavors he liked. I believe it was just yellows and greens. I know, weird kid.
When he finally got down to his colors of choice, the Ducks mascot, Wild Wing, hopped on over and dumped the bowl on my brother’s head and put the bowl on his head like a hat. I hold no grudge against Wild Wing; that was hilarious. But I can definitely see why someone would want to fight a mascot.
For me, it’s the Stanford mascot. There’s a few different trees, but I don’t care which one — they’re all really obnoxious to me. — Adam Stites
The Old Charlotte Bobcats Mascot, Rufus
This one is very personal for me. I demand reparations.
The first athlete I ever had a chance to interview was Emeka Okafor during his rookie year with the Bobcats. Since I didn’t have a team at the time and I lived in Charlotte, I figured I might as well root for the Bobcats. What’s the worst that could happen?
Well. Gerald Wallace being the best player on the team for multiple years happened. Bob Johnson and then Michael Jordan running the team into the ground happened. Finishing with the worst winning percentage in NBA history happened. Missing out on Anthony Davis and winding up with Michael Kidd-Gilchrist after said season happened.
Someone’s gotta pay and since I don’t have access to anyone that matters, Rufus needs to resurrect himself and come catch these hands. - Charles McDonald
The Saint Joseph’s Hawk
We get it, you’ve got great upper-body strength, but the state of Rhode Island isn’t done with you, Hawk.
One of my old gym teachers used to tell us he was the Ram that tried to inner tube the Hawks’ arms to his body and got summarily ejected. I’m pretty sure he was lying, but I still feel the urge to finish what one Scott Bayha may or may not have started. — Christian D’Andrea
Michigan’s actual wolverine mascot from the 1930s
My knee-jerk reaction to this post was that I wanted to fight the Saints’ mascot. I’m a Falcons fan, and I hate the Saints, so that’s an easy sell. But then I found out that the Saints’ mascot is an adorable dog named Gumbo. I can’t justify that aggression.
My obvious second choice was Michigan’s mascot, because I’m also an Ohio State fan. They don’t technically have one because Michigan thinks it’s too good for mascots, but back in the day, they had a live wolverine named Biff as a mascot. On one hand, I don’t think any person should try to fight any wolverine because they are vicious. On the other hand, this was back in the 1930s, and I probably could beat a dead wolverine in a fight. You’re going down, Biff. - Jeanna Thomas
Ohio University’s Rufus the Bobcat
Like Jeanna, I am an Ohio State fan. Like Charles, I have beef with a bobcat named Rufus. But my long-held grudge is against the Ohio Bobcats’ Rufus.
Brutus Buckeye is a national treasure. He’s silly with a sweet disposition, he’s always got a smile on his face, and even with a comically large head he is still pretty athletic. Brutus is the best.
And if anyone messes with Brutus, they mess with me. Like eight years ago, when Rufus the Bobcat staged a premeditated attack against my beloved Brutus and somehow isn’t rotting away in a jail cell right now:
Many laughed. I quietly seethed, waiting for the day I can finally avenge Brutus’ good name.
And mark my words: That day WILL come, Rufus.
Oh yes, it will. — Sarah Hardy
The Patriots’ Minutemen
Godfrey is a Falcons fan. This one is self explanatory.
The 49ers’ Sourdough Sam
Rowdy, The Dallas Cowboys Mascot
Rowdy, the Cowboys mascot. I don’t really even have a reason. Just look at his face. https://t.co/c9iy31hzNV— Adam Stites (@AdamStites_) July 20, 2018
Adam wants to fight more mascots apparently.
And here are your responses
We asked our readers who they’d like to fight and these were some of our favorite responses.
i want phillie phanatic's ass— Cam (@bmc86) July 20, 2018
The Notre Dame Leprechaun. I have a size advantage. https://t.co/NitkrJT1DG— Jay (@JayDSarkar) July 20, 2018
We could even add the entire Notre Dame football program, starting with Brian Kelly.
And we have a winner.
Who would you fight if you had the choice? Respond in the comments!