Jay Cutler never really got the credit he was due as a human. As a quarterback, sure, he never really lived up to the potential his cannon arm and oft-overlooked athleticism gave him. Despite making the Pro Bowl in 2008, waning returns on the field and expressionless reactions to the world around him made less known as a franchise passer and more recognizable as a living, breathing meme.
But the dude has a pretty great personality and is an entirely reasonable man. And, somehow, it’s taking a horrible show on the E! network to showcase that.
Cutler emerged as the breakout star on the first episode of the otherwise forgettable reality series Very Cavallari, which follows his believes-vaccinations-cause-autism wife (and former The Hills star) Kristin Cavallari around as she opens a knickknack shop for terrible people. It’s the network’s latest foray into the exploits of spoiled people with asinine problems, but hey — at least Cutler’s entirely “over it” attitude is here to serve as the Greek chorus for regular people.
Cutler’s debut on Sunday’s non-essential series premiere was inspiring. This is a show that, ostensibly, is about a clothing store. Cutler wants nothing to do with it; his first scene on camera features the camo-clad QB casually walking through his house with a cooler full of venison. Cavallari grills him about his football career and gets a non-answer. When she lectures him about supporting her, we’re treated to this face:
Jay Cutler hears you. Jay Cutler don’t care.
(Also notable, Cavallari drops in air quotes when she says the words “football seasons.” Are these ironic seasons? Does she think “football season” is a term reserved for stat nerds? Is she throwing shade at the eight years that brought in $125 million? She’s maddening. Anyway.)
When Cavallari lobs a planted demand to be nice to the business associates she’s got coming over later, he all but shrugs her off, promises to be “neutral,” and then promptly ignores the late-arriving company to his home.
“I’ve given more ‘byes’ than ‘hi’s,’” he says to a wife that clearly understood this when she signed her contract with E!. Later he would tell her to expect days when no one shops at her crappy store for jerks (the latter part is my words, not his), openly mock Cavallari’s beleaguered assistant’s workout routine, and respond to whatever question he could with a non-answer:
Jay Cutler in retirement sounds exactly the way you’d expect Jay Cutler in retirement to sound pic.twitter.com/kUiW5mXyZJ— NOTSportsCenter (@NOTSportsCenter) July 9, 2018
I’m not really looking to do a lot of work right now. I’m looking to do the exact opposite of that.
This is the reason Cutler had teammates sticking up for him when the press would drag him through the wringer. The guy is legitimately hilarious. His default mode is apathy. This is who he is; he doesn’t need to know if you care. He barely needs to know if his own wife cares.
Very Cavallari airs Sunday nights at some time. Do not watch it. Wait for the relevant Cutty clips to show up on Twitter 10-15 minutes after the broadcast instead.