Disney+ launches Nov. 12 and the corporate overlords at the Mickey Factory are whetting our appetites with a slow rollout of every movie we can expect on the service.
We started noticing there are a lot of sports movies being made available, and honestly there are some none of us have ever heard before. Some of these look good, others exceptionally dumb to the point of us wondering if it’s even worth our time — but in any event these are the movies we’re oddly looking forward to checking out.
I want to watch Gus, this movie about a lonely football donkey.
I don’t know anything about Gus. I don’t need to know anything more about Gus. I already know that I want to see Gus more than any movie I have in my life. Here’s what I can glean from the poster alone:
- Donkey plays football.
- Someone made the donkey a helmet.
- It looks sad.
- That poppy-out-eye-guy Don Knotts is yelling a lot.
- His sweatshirt says “ATOMS,” but it really looks like “NOMS.”
I looked up the poster and somehow it made me EVEN MORE invested in seeing Gus.
I’m honestly angry at myself that I haven’t seen Gus. God I’m hoping there isn’t some regrettable stuff in this movie. I don’t want to get Milkshake Gus’d.
— James Dator
I want to watch Brink! as soon as humanly possible
First of all, please respect the exclamation point in the title. This movie is called Brink!
Of all the sports content coming to Disney+, I’m most excited and concerned about the Disney Channel Original Movie can of worms, and what it might do to my Shows To Have On In The Background While Looking At My Phone queue.
They made so many movies about sports, too! Johnny Tsunami, Double Teamed, Luck of the Irish, The Thirteenth Year was kinda about swimming.
But Brink! is the standard here. Team Pup N Suds forever. Soul Skating forever. Take my money, Disney.
Getting Disney+ for Cadet Kelly, thank you
If you were a fan of the Disney Channel in the early 2000s, you know that Lizzie McGuire and Even Stevens were must-watch shows. Which meant that Cadet Kelly was a must-watch movie. It was a little like Glee for military school. Hilary Duff stars as the title character, Kelly Collins, who is forced to enroll at a military academy when her stepfather becomes the Commandant (because there are somehow no other schools in the area).
Christy Carlson Romano co-stars as Cadet Captain Jennifer Stone, a commanding officer, who is not impressed by Collins. The two end up being rivals, both for the attention of a boy (yawn) and just out of general dislike. Stone makes Collins’ life miserable, leading to Collins serving a punishment by cleaning the uniforms of the drill team. Collins is initially unimpressed by the team, but takes a liking to it and works hard to join. Standing in her way, naturally, is Stone, who is in charge of the team and not exactly thrilled with the idea.
The two face-off in an unrealistic and silly drill battle on the school lawn. The camp factor would probably be the charm of this movie when watched nearly 20 years after its release.
You might be wondering why I included this on a sports list. It’s simple, really. If you’ve ever watched a drill competition, drilldown, or colorguard performance, you will know that they take an incredible amount of athleticism, precision as well as physical and mental agility. As with most things Disney-related, it’s a bit watered down for general consumption. But if you watch a Northern California winterguard team toss wooden rifles or sabres in the air, get them to spin a half dozen or more times before catching them between their legs, you will agree that they are athletes. So this is a sports movie (it is centered around competitions, after all), and a fun bit of nostalgia for the early 2000s era of Disney.
— Sami Higgins
Double Teamed is the best basketball movie ever
The 2002 Disney Channel classic Double Teamed tells the story of real life twins and eventual WNBA players Heidi and Heather Burge. This flick has it all: The pushy father that wants his girls to attend a new school to up their chance at better scholarships, the sister that doesn’t want to play sports who instead joins the cast of the school play, and the friend whose father can’t come to games because he’s too much of a big time business man.
And this, the most savage ankle breaking move in basketball history:
I remember that this pump fake was The Move that won the championship, it got like 7 slo-mo scenes and a training montage pic.twitter.com/pYgBDoboeI— Micah Peters (@micahpeters_) October 14, 2019
Never mind that the Burge twins are supposed to be 6’5 high schoolers and played by slightly-taller-than-average grown women who don’t look alike.
Am I partial to this because Heather and Heidi eventually went to the University of Virginia to play basketball? Maybe. Is this movie a classic that you should watch immediately? Absolutely.
— Caroline Darney
Alley Cats Strike will make you want to go bowling
Alley Cats Strike is one of the best Disney Channel original movies ever created. At least, that’s how my 8-year-old mind remembers it.
Bowling is fun if you’re doing it casually with friends, but this movie made me want to actually bowl competitively. It also has one of the best scenes that I’m just going to drop here:
If you grew up and had seen this movie, there’s no way you didn’t want to try what Delia did to get the spare.
The subscription is worth this movie alone. Again, that’s 8-year-old me talking here.
— Harry Lyles Jr.