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The Vikings really ‘pounded the beef’ and 12 other helpful football euphemisms

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Never stop pounding the beef.

The Vikings are the NFL leaders in beef pounding. We know this because they told us so.

This is all I want from NFL team accounts. Tell me how effectively you pounded the beef and I will click the link to your team page based on the efficacy of said beef pounding. That said, I need the Vikings to change it up. Give me a little bit of the razzle-dazzle — so in that vein here are 12 helpful phrases I’d like to see them use in future tweets.

  • The safeties really squeezed the weasel on Sunday.
  • The defensive line stuffed the turkey big time in our win over the Bears.
  • The running backs seriously greased the otter on Monday Night Football.
  • The kicker utterly absorbed the jellyfish in a divisional rivalry.
  • The offensive line manhandled the bear cub on Thursday.
  • Kirk Cousins caressed the mongoose against the Lions.
  • The defensive ends lunged like an anteater’s tongue into a yellow jacket nest this week.
  • The special teams absolutely blocked the whale’s blowhole against the Packers and left them gasping for air.
  • The cornerbacks glazed the ham while it was still hot.
  • The outside linebackers rushed the bull calf on Thanksgiving.
  • The nose tackle gently caressed the feral hog in a win.
  • Dalvin Cook really slammed the star-nosed mole in a losing effort in the playoffs.

These are things I want to see every single week from the Vikings and I believe in them enough they can do it.