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Ed Oliver’s awesome workout stats, put in terms all of us can understand

Sort of like a Madden create-a-player, but in real life.

Tulane v Houston Photo by Tim Warner/Getty Images

Houston defensive tackle Ed Oliver is an absurdly good athlete, in the same way grass is absurdly green and water is absurdly moist. At Houston, the defensive tackle was a generational sort of talent, and he’s likely going to be great in the NFL, too.

I don’t know if all of us mortals have appropriately considered just how good an athlete Oliver is, though. Some numbers from his NFL Combine and pro day, two events spread most of a month apart in March, might illustrate that best for all of us. Combine numbers are league-verified, while pro day numbers come from Oliver’s college team, via reporter Sam Khan Jr. We can’t be scientific about those, other than to say they sound good.

Size-wise, Oliver is basically Aaron Donald.

  • Donald at the 2014 combine: 6’1, 285 pounds
  • Oliver at the 2019 combine: 6’2, 287 pounds

In the 40-yard dash, Oliver is basically Arian Foster.

  • Foster at the 2009 combine: 4.69 seconds
  • Oliver at his pro day, reportedly: 4.73 seconds

In the bench press, Oliver is basically Ndamukong Suh.

  • Suh at the 2010 combine: 32 reps
  • Oliver at the 2019 combine: 32 reps

In the shuttle run, Oliver is basically Le’Veon Bell.

  • Bell at the 2013 combine: 4.25 seconds
  • Oliver at his pro day, reportedly: 4.22 seconds

In the three-cone drill, Oliver is basically Jason Pierre-Paul.

  • Pierre-Paul at the 2010 combine: 7.18 seconds
  • Oliver at his pro day, reportedly: 7.15 seconds

In the vertical jump, Oliver is basically Von Miller.

  • Miller at the 2011 combine: 37 inches
  • Oliver at the 2019 combine: 36 inches

In the broad jump, Oliver is J.J. Watt or Amari Cooper

  • Watt at the 2011 combine: 120 inches
  • Cooper at the 2015 combine: 120 inches
  • Oliver at the 2019 combine: 120 inches

I’m not a fancy NFL Draft analyst, but I feel confident writing this letter now:

Dear Arizona Cardinals
(ATTN: Kliff Kingsbury),

Draft this man first overall, and then go have a snack.