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Tony Hawk’s Twitter account shows he’s actually mastered fame

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This is less like an existential crisis, and more like perfection.

Tony Hawk’s Twitter account is a love-letter to the fickle nature of fame. It walks the thin line between hilarity and existential crisis that started once as a disappointing ode to aging, but now has become utter perfection.

To the casual observer his accounts of literally everyone failing to recognize him is sad — but in reality he’s stumbled across the absolute perfect way to be famous. Hawk is literally the Michael Jordan of skateboarding. The now-elder statesman of the sport who is used as a yardstick and even came close to having his own version of Space Jam.

But, unlike Jordan he’s free to actually live his life. People know his name in passing, they know that Tony Hawk (the name) is a big deal — but nobody is able to recognize the person. He can live his life, free from hassle and enjoy air travel in relative peace, without some idiot making things weird.

Keep in mind just how prolific Tony Hawk is in his field. Two X-Games gold medals, over 70 contest wins, his own video game series — and now a charity that builds skate parks for underprivileged kids. But, despite all this, almost nobody recognizes him.

We will recognize him, though. We will appreciate his Tweets about being incognito in the middle of society in a way most celebrities could only dream about. Naturally these need a score, and what better way that use a three-part Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater combo scoring method.

  • Recognition (250-625 point flip trick): Was there was any awareness from the other party?
  • Resolution (315-525 point grab): How funny is this moment?
  • Net Benefit (100-150 point grind): How much did Tony benefit from being unnoticed? (held for bonus points)
  • Finally bonus points for how the entire story made me feel (0.5-2.5x rotation multiplier)

This will then get a standard 1.0-3.5x combo multiplier, depending on how many criteria it hit. So, without further ado ...

Tony Hawk’s best existential turmoils, ranked.

900 Varial + Benihana + Crooked Grind = 13,884

720 Fingerflip + Japan Air + Nosegrind = 7,701

720 Front Foot Impossible + Madonna + 50-50 Grind = 6,875

900 Hardflip + Indy Nosebone + Smith Grind = 6,321

540 Kickflip to Indy + Stalefish + 5-0 Grind = 5,500

540 Hardflip + Rocket Air + Smith Grind = 4,776

720 360 Flip + Method + Smith Grind = 4,444

720 Hardflip + Method + Boardslide = 4,252

900 360 Shove It + Indy Nosebone + Boardslide = 4,170

540 Heelflip + Rocket Air + 50-50 Grind = 3,345

540 Kickflip + Tailgrab + 5-0 Grind = 2,990

180 Varial + Tailgrab + Crooked Grind = 2,736

Heelflip + Japan Air + Boardslide = 1,986

Kickflip + Indy Nosebone + 50-50 Grind = 1,885

Nollie = 200