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Every new NHL throwback jersey, described in one sentence

I need this Ducks jersey right now.

The NHL unveiled their new reverse retro jerseys on Monday morning, and for the most part they’re pretty great. Many play into the staunch traditional of organizations, others play with the nostalgia of the era in which they were created. Some are just sad.

I’m generally of the opinion that all jerseys are good jerseys. It’s like pizza. I may have personal preferences, but I’m all about giving people more options so they can explore their personal style. Now, let’s get to talking about these.

Anaheim Ducks.

This might be the most perfect sports jersey in history.

Arizona Coyotes.

That coyote is going to murder me with nostalgia.

Boston Bruins.

I shouldn’t like this as much as I do.

Buffalo Sabres.

Tummy swords.

Calgary Flames.

This demon horse is so metal, and I love it.

Carolina Hurricanes.

The Whalers logo is the most perfect logo of all time.

Chicago Blackhawks.

The front is a mystery, and I’m into it.

Colorado Avalanche.

“Nordiques” is such a fun word to say.

Columbus Blue Jackets.

This jersey is not blue, nor is it a jacket.

Dallas Stars.

For the jersey lover who really likes things to be tough to read.

Detroit Red Wings.

“I guess we’ll just remove some red?” — Jersey executive.

Edmonton Oilers.

Classic and clean.

Florida Panthers.

Most of us forgot the Panthers were a team until we saw this. That’s so weird, right? I mean, it’s not a knock on the fine legacy of the Florida Panthers, just an acknowledgement that they’re one of the most forgettable teams in sports. Did you know the Florida Panthers don’t even play in a major city in Florida? They play in Sunrise, which is lodged between Pompano Beach and Ft. Lauderdale, and has a population of just 94,000. That’s all so weird.

Thank you for subscribing to Florida Panthers facts.

Los Angeles Kings.

Go Lakers.

Minnesota Wild.

You could tell me this is the jersey for Australia’s national hockey team, and I’d believe you.

Montreal Canadiens.

This color is so saturated it looks like it belongs in a 1997 Ralph Lauren catalog.

Nashville Predators.

These colors are so good you can’t really screw it up.

New Jersey Devils.

You put this on and yell at a Starbucks employee for saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas.”

New York Islanders.

This looks identical to all their jerseys.

New York Rangers.

You can look down at your tum tum and stare Lady Liberty in the face.

Ottawa Senators.

Remove the logo and this is a rugby jersey.

Philadelphia Flyers.

This is going to look so good on Gritty.

Pittsburgh Penguins.

I’d wear this, and I have no affinity for Pittsburgh.

San Jose Sharks.

Old shark >>> new sleek shark.

St. Louis Blues.

That note isn’t even on the chart, and that’s what the blues are all about.

Tampa Bay Lightning.

Reminds me of WinAmp.

Toronto Maple Leafs.

Giant logos that take up 34 of the jersey are good.

Vancouver Canucks.

I love the color split, which really makes it look like the whale is leaping out of the ice and going to the dentist.

Vegas Golden Knights.

Medieval Times looking ass.

Washington Capitals.

Watch out, that eagle fixing to steal your phone.

Winnipeg Jets.

This feels so much more like a jet than any of their other colorways.