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Soccer player faces fines after exposing his penis to millions during goal celebration

A man with a name that sounds like “porno” will decide his fate.

I’m generally of the opinion that players should be able to celebrate their achievements however they want, but that generally stops when it comes to exposing your penis to the world.

Raul Bobadilla, a 33-year-old striker for Club Guarini scored the deciding goal which gave his team a 3-2 win on aggregate. The player was so excited he took off his shirt, then started pulling his shorts down, then didn’t stop pulling his shorts down. Bobadilla pulled them down so far that we got one heck of a look at his personal grooming habits, let’s leave it at that.

The celebration raised questions as to Bobadilla’s intent. Did he just get carried away and flash the world his junk, or was there a deeper meaning to it all? Some speculated that the celebration was an homage to Jorge “Pollo” Recalde, a Paraguayan soccer player who was fined for grabbing his genitals in celebration — but Bobadilla wanted to make it clear his penis celebration was his, and his alone.

“I regret my celebration last night, I hope my wife has not seen it because she is going to catch me. My pants went a bit, but what Pollo did was different. Ladies, stay calm, because it is all hers.”

Bobadilla’s fate is now in the hands of Dr. Raúl Prono, disciplinary leader for the league, and also a man with a last name I cannot read as anything but “porno” anymore. Because I am actually a large adult child.

Soccer remains the king when it comes to weirdness.