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Lionel Messi should sign with The MERL

This is the right move.

Everyone is all in a tizzy about where Lionel Messi will end up. Could it be the glitz and glamor of the Premier League? An unexpected move to MLS? I’m here to advocate for the path less traveled — Messi needs to join The MERL.

The MERL may not have a soccer team, but they definitely have goals. Namely, illuminating city-living folks about English rural life. At first glance they might seem to have nothing to do with one of the highest profile soccer players in the world, but everything makes a ton of sense if you think about it for a little bit.

Seven reasons why Messi should join The MERL.

  1. Naturally slower life befitting someone who has spent their life in the limelight.
  2. Large collection of antique farming shoes.
  3. A fascinating exhibit on rational thinking.
  4. On site nonprofit tax shelter.
  5. Workshops for the kids.
  6. An iron clad guarantee there will never be a better player in the history of The MERL for the entirety of Messi’s natural life.
  7. Messi would be the biggest attraction at the museum.

Two reasons The MERL isn’t right for Messi.

  1. They don’t have a soccer team.
  2. They don’t have the money to pay a player like Messi.

As you can see, in this pro/con environment it’s abundantly clear that The MERL is the right choice for Messi. He doesn’t need the drama of living up to expectations in the Premier League, or trying to help a billion dollar club win a Champion’s League. Instead he can quietly chill in the periodicals section of the museum, walk its gardens and enjoy a life of luxury in beautiful Reading.

There comes a point where you don’t need more money. At that point it’s about establishing history. and the best way to establish history is to live amongst history. Messi would be the first top-flight footballer to leave the sport to live in a museum, and that alone would add wonderfully to his Wikipedia page. He’d be an eccentric legend.

This is the right move, Messi. You know it. Join The MERL.